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Thread: I feel my life has no more meaning

  1. #11
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Nothing20
    Yes. He never stopped having contact with me. No meet ups , we havent seen each other for 8 months , he doesnt live here anymore. I never contacted him first , but he kept a regular contact with me, always sending me something or calling me sometimes (every2-3 weeks). He had hidden that he has a new relationship , he pretended to be single actually until one day i asked him directly and i was even shocked that he said he has one cos there were no sings at all (he pretended like he had a boring life , work-home)
    This contact is part of the reason you are stuck so bad. It's keeping you on the hook when you need to be healing and moving on. It's also quite cruel and selfish of him to keep on using you like a plan B. Basically, he hasn't changed in that he is still a lousy human being and still a user he's always been and you've always known him to be. This is your confirmation that dumping him was actually the right decision. He didn't become some great person you want him to be, not at all.

    Do yourself a favor and stop talking to him completely. No more contact whatsoever. Time for you to do what you haven't done in 10 years - focus on yourself and figure out who you are and who you want to be and how to go about getting there.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Nothing20
    Yes. He never stopped having contact with me. No meet ups , we havent seen each other for 8 months , he doesnt live here anymore. I never contacted him first , but he kept a regular contact with me, always sending me something or calling me sometimes (every2-3 weeks). He had hidden that he has a new relationship , he pretended to be single actually until one day i asked him directly and i was even shocked that he said he has one cos there were no sings at all (he pretended like he had a boring life , work-home)
    That's your ticket to Goodbye. This is means saying goodbye to this person. I feel sad for his current girlfriend. The more you get mixed up with people like this the worse you'll think of yourself. It's all related. Start meeting new people and engaging with others who have bigger and better ideas. Don't deal with smallmindedness like this or people who have their head up their backside or have the ability to throw their loved ones under the bus or not be honest about their lives. You know better than this.

    Have courage. Move on.

    Like the others have said, focus on your hobbies and your plans for yourself. The more you turn inwards and keep working on you, the less what other people do matters. They no longer have an effect on your life at all.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. Do you live at home? The first step of course is try try to find some work. Anything. If that is difficult, go to social services for help with housing, food, job placement, career training and most of all health care.

    You need to go to a doctor and get a complete evaluation to address protracted sadness, hopelessness, helplessness and ruminating. Once you get your mental and physical health in order you'll start feeling a lot better.

    You need to distance yourself from any toxic/abusive family. At 18, it's up to you to be the architect of your own life and you simply can't keep blaming your childhood, past lovers, etc., no matter how bad. A victim mentality will hold you back from happiness.

    Stop scanning social media and assuming everyone but you has wonderful families, relationships and lives. Work on Your life, Your health, Your job search. Once you feel better you can join some clubs, groups, volunteer and possibly get on some dating apps and start talking to/meeting men. But... you need to get your mental health in order.
    Originally Posted by Nothing20
    I am a 30 year old woman. i cant find a job , not a relationship , not even a career job.

  4. #14
    I really want to leave from here , but with no money and no job available its very difficult to do it , at least at the moment. Its very hard to find a job in the country i live in , low payment, very few jobs and high living expenses.

  5.  

  6. #15
    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    Sounds like you need to seek a way to open up your horizons more. Living in a small town where everyone is marrying early, etc. may well leave you feeling the way you are. In reality, tons of single people in their 30's just starting up with their lives. Nothing is over or too late, not by a longshot.

    If there are no jobs where you are, look at bigger cities and apply and apply some more. Get yourself out of that cage you are sitting in and out of the rut.

    Instead of comparing yourself to other people and looking at what you don't have, focus on what you want to have and what you need to do to start heading in that direction. What can you do today that will get you closer to your personal goals? Make a plan and start hashing away at it, one foot in front of the other, just do it. If getting a job means you need to send out a couple thousand resumes all over the states, then roll up your sleeves and get on it. Sending out 50 of them today gets you closer to your goal of getting a job and a job gets you closer to a career eventually and.....you get the idea.

    Stop looking at what others have and start asking yourself what kind of a life do you want to build and get to building it one brick at a time.
    I really want to leave from here , but with no money and no job available its very difficult to do it , at least at the moment. Its very hard to find a job in the country i live in , low payment, very few jobs and high living expenses.

  7. #16
    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Sorry to hear this. Do you live at home? The first step of course is try try to find some work. Anything. If that is difficult, go to social services for help with housing, food, job placement, career training and most of all health care.

    You need to go to a doctor and get a complete evaluation to address protracted sadness, hopelessness, helplessness and ruminating. Once you get your mental and physical health in order you'll start feeling a lot better.

    You need to distance yourself from any toxic/abusive family. At 18, it's up to you to be the architect of your own life and you simply can't keep blaming your childhood, past lovers, etc., no matter how bad. A victim mentality will hold you back from happiness.

    Stop scanning social media and assuming everyone but you has wonderful families, relationships and lives. Work on Your life, Your health, Your job search. Once you feel better you can join some clubs, groups, volunteer and possibly get on some dating apps and start talking to/meeting men. But... you need to get your mental health in order.
    Yes i am living at my parents house currently , it wasnt always like that , i used to live alone but now i dont have any job and its not possible.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Nothing20
    I really want to leave from here , but with no money and no job available its very difficult to do it , at least at the moment. Its very hard to find a job in the country i live in , low payment, very few jobs and high living expenses.
    I understand that. It is hard, especially now and may well be extremely hard, but not impossible and that's what you need to focus on - it's not impossible. Keep seeking no matter how far and wide you have to cast your net. While you are seeking, think what you can do in the short term - pick up some babysitting or pet sitting, maybe a local store needs someone to stock shelves at night, etc. It may not be anything great, but it's money in your pocket and it will help you move forward.

    All those people you know that have jobs - ask them if there is an opening, can they look or recommend you. Sometimes the hardest thing and also the most effective thing you can do is ask for help.

  9. #18
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    I can empathize with your situation and I am in my late 40's. Last year I ended a toxic relationship with a man who sounds similar to yours. Lazy, irresponsible, totally self centered, etc. I had no friends, family as I ended up choosing friends who did nothing but use me for favors, money, etc. Inevitably I had to let these people go and I felt totally alone in the world. It's an awful feeling believing no one cares. My 2 pets love me unconditionally and they got me through the worst times of my life.

    I feel that some of the previous posters have been a little harsh. Certainly you need to take actions to move on from this but empathy can make us feel understood in this lonely and sometimes cold world.

    I came from a broken family as a child. Both parents were completely emotionally (and often physically as well) unavailable. I'm not looking for a pity party but use this info to understand my patterns in why I choose toxic people in my life.

    Things have improved gradually over the past year but I started by taking things one day at a time. The first was adopting my loving pets, joining some support groups then looking for another job. I stayed far away from relationships completely until I felt somewhat emotionally healed. After that I started making more efforts to meet people gradually, and assessing if the relationships are 50 50 or if the person has nothing to give.

    Take good care and realize we all deserve to be loved. We need to make astute choices in who we let into our lives.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    These two things are impeding your progress:

    Originally Posted by Nothing20
    he kept a regular contact with me, always sending me something or calling me sometimes (every2-3 weeks).
    Originally Posted by Nothing20
    Yes i am living at my parents house currently , it wasnt always like that , i used to live alone but now i dont have any job and its not possible.
    I realize that you can't leave your parents' house at the moment, but you can cut contact with your ex.

    At the very least, you can do that. And you can do it right now.

    In the meantime, search relentlessly for a job and take one. Save money. Get your own place.

  11. #20
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    A song lyric comes to mind after reading your post. Itís ďCanít you see? Lifeís easy if you look at things from a different point of view.Ē In the song she sings also about her boyfriend and her splitting up and having no money.

    I think if you look at this as a fresh new start instead of an ending with your relationship youíll feel better. Your story still is unfolding and you are quite young still. If you want change then donít expect it to come overnight. You can start by taking steps to set it in motion. Take this opportunity at your parents house to find out what you want out of life and create goals. You got this!

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