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Thread: Should I try to get my ex boyfriend back?

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by Mayo l22
    I know it sounds weird, and maybe the weirdest thing you will ever hear,but I'm not sure about my feelings or what I want, some times I feel good that I'm alone and will focus on myself and my future, other time I find myself crying and saying we could work things out, have I mentioned that I have recently graduated ? So I'm not experienced enough
    You are forgetting that he does not want to work things out with you.

    You cannot be friends if there are feelings. It is too painful and frustrating.

  2. #22
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    He said that we want different things, and this is for my own good in the future, but I don't know if this is a really strong reason to end things up , it's just so confusing situation

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by Mayo l22
    He said that we want different things, and this is for my own good in the future, but I don't know if this is a really strong reason to end things up , it's just so confusing situation
    It doesn't matter what you believe, he does not want a relationship with you. He was quite clear. no confusion.

  4. #24
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    Personally I think that something is going on with your boyfriend, like maybe he also started seeing someone else or he's lost feelings for you and wants to see what other women are out there. The fact that he's still sexually attracted to you probably doesn't mean that much. The fact that he wants to be friends with benrfits just means he's horny and wants sex. Or he wants to still keep you as an option in case it doesn't work out with other women. I think it's disrespectful that he wants to just use you for sex. He really hurt you by breaking up and he has no care for your feelings. I know it's hard to do because obviously still love him. I would suggest don't be friends with benefits and block him on everything. He's just messing you around. Don't let him do that to you.

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  6. #25
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    If he is seeing someone else then why he intends to stay "close" friends? I didn't offer that tho I was trying to do the no contact but he keeps telling me that we can work out as friends as we used to be, also that fwb thing he only mentioned one time and never mentioned it again as that I made it clear that this is not respectful and he may lose me as friend if he mentioned it once more so he stopped

  7. #26
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    He gets a big, fat ego boost as he knows that you still love him and wants a reconciliation. . A friend would never do this to another, as they would realize how painful it was. He is not considering what is better for you.

    How are you going feel as his 'friend' when he starts dating others? Are you ready to hear about the girls he is dating?
    Last edited by Hollyj; 10-06-2020 at 09:10 PM.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Mayo l22
    If he is seeing someone else then why he intends to stay "close" friends?
    so you can be his back up plan if it doesn't work?
    Dumpers have put alot of thought into ending a relationship long before their partner is even aware.
    Having said that it's sometimes scary for the dumper to leave, so they try to leave slowly and wean themselves from you. That may be why he's going on about being friends and otherwise. He afraid of making a bad decision. But don't transelate that as love. He's only looking out for his best interests.
    All in all this is disrespectful to you and your feelings. To breakup with someone but insist they still have the right to be in your life is selfish. Dumpers should be respectful and leave the person they left entirely alone so they can heal, get on with their life and find someone that loves them they way they deserve.
    This guy is just being selfish.
    Block him. He no longer gets to state the terms of the breakup.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member SooSad33's Avatar
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    my bf decided to breakup with me, after he said we want different things in life and future, for example I'm outgoing and like traveling, and he prefers a quiet family, however he said nothing is wrong with me, and just love is not enough, I'm really confused and don't know should I be working on getting him back or just let him go,
    - Let him go. Why would you want to try & get someone like this back?

    And I say No to 'friends', not if your heart is still in it. Not until or unless you are totally over him. Your choice if you can handle it...

  10. #29
    Silver Member ShySoul's Avatar
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    It may be difficult for people to believe, but you can actually break up with someone and still be good friends. You can still talk to each other a lot, you can still hang out and do what any pair of friends would do. Maybe he is being honest with you and that while he does care a great deal about you, his feelings are not the romantic, spend our lives together kind?

    If the relationship just ended, it's likely he is still working out feelings as well, hence the FWB offer. You don't just shut off your feelings for someone, it takes time. But if he stopped once you turned it down, then he's being respectful of your wishes. If he was to start pushing for it again, that would be a different issue and you would be right to stop having contact with him. The time also explains your feelings. Feelings still linger on your side and part of you misses what you had. it's what we all go through with a breakup. But it doesn't sound like he is willing to get back together, so I would not recommend pursuing that. Focus on being a friend and healing yourself. Do things you enjoy and realize you don't need a relationship to be happy.

    Personally, I don't think no-contact is right for everybody or in every case. If you can remain friends with someone, then be friends. Good friendships with people who really care are hard enough to come by, so I wouldn't turn one down if I had it. But ultimately, this is about you. What do you think you can handle? Would it hurt to much to be friends with him? Would you be too tempted to start things up again? Or can you talk and hang out without it becoming an issue? You have to do what is right for you. And if he does care about you, then he will respect that. And remember, no contact doesn't have to be forever. If you need to take some time away but want to leave the door to friendship open, that's okay as well. Whatever works for you.

  11. #30
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    Staying friends with your ex who dumped you right after the break up will keep you stuck in the past and delay your healing. It will take you longer to move on.

    Dumpers who ask to remain friends do it for purely selfish reasons:
    - It relieves their guilt because if you are remaining their friend, then that means to them that they didn't hurt you that bad
    - They get to keep the emotional support they had from you, while being free to seek for your replacement i.e. they use the dumpee as a placeholder so that they don't feel lonely while looking for someone else
    -If they don't find someone else the dumpee is their plan b and they may get back with them until they do find a replacement.
    -They avoid feeling the void created by letting go of the dumpee.

    All of the above have zero benefit for the dumpee and have actually the potential to hurt the dumpee further. Imo, it's wrong to stay friends right after a break up because it will keep you stuck in false hope, while he will use you as a stepping stone to finding someone else. When he finds a new girlfriend, he will drop you altogether. Right now he is using you to relieve his guilt and avoid loneliness. Plus, he gets to keep pushing a fwb agenda without telling you this time.

    Just like he decided to break up without it being your decision, you can decide and enforce no contact. Being his friend is emotionally toxic for you at this point. It will keep you stuck in the past. Imo, the only time it's safe to be friends is when you have completely moved on and are completely indifferent. That's years down the line NOT right after the break up. No contact is the fastest way to healing and it's on you to enforce it since he is being so selfish and disrespectful to your need for distance in order to heal.
    Last edited by Clio; 10-07-2020 at 01:48 AM.

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