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Thread: I got ghosted - why?

  1. #1
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2014

    I got ghosted - why?

    I am posting this mostly for some outside perspective as to what happened. I am a 26 year old female and he's a 27 year old male.

    I met the guy through a dating app and he was really persistent about getting me to go out with him. He lives an hour and a half away so I wasn't very eager to meet up, but he insisted he would drive out to meet me. He drove the 1.5 hours and we had a fun first date - he immediately plans a second date for a few days later. This goes on for several weeks with zero pushes for sex on his part (we took turns driving, he wasn't always the one having to go 1.5 hours). The dates he planned were unique and romantic, including a day at the beach, watching the sunset at the top of a mountain, checking out a cool museum most people don't know about etc. We had sex a few weeks into things and it was my idea. As far as I can tell, the sex was great on both our ends and he had a huge smile on his face, then went on about how great it was. It's worth mentioning that looking back I do see a lot of love bombing behavior on his part. He showered me in compliments that were probably BS like being the most attractive woman he'd ever been with, how he was developing feelings fast etc.

    He did not ghost immediately after sex (though that is the last time I saw him). Right around this time, a bunch of local fires hit (I'm in the Pacific Northwest) and we were unable to see each other for awhile. His entire neighborhood lost power for almost a week (this was verified on the news, wasn't BS) and there was craziness all throughout the state. One day he took all day to reply to me which I didn't think twice about with the power outage - until he got whiny when I then took 2 hours to reply. He literally texted me "acknowledge me" then "noooowww" when I was busy with friends. Once again, this was after he took all day to get back to me.

    I replied saying "Why is it fine for you to take hours to reply but I'm expected to reply immediately?" then he claimed he was joking.
    This is around the time things got weird. The next day, I found out a friend of mine in Nebraska had passed and I had to fly out for his funeral. I told him this and he pretended he was worried and said he would call me after he was off work at 2 PM, then didn't call until 9. When I left for the funeral he said he would hit me up after I got back and just never did.

    Obviously, there were a lot of weird circumstances such as the fires, the death of my friend etc that changed the vibe of the relationship. I don't want a guy who's hypocritical and clingy anyways. But it still was very hurtful and bizarre to me the way he did a 180 overnight. I'm also livid that he ghosted me after all that.
    I'm posting this to gain some outside perspective on what happened and see if maybe there's something I'm missing. As stated earlier, even if there was someone else in the picture I don't see why he wouldn't have just juggled two women. We weren't exclusive. Thanks in advance.

    (Note: not sure if it's relevant but he does still view my snapchat stories. I have not contacted him in any way, shape or form ever since he never kept his word about following up). Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    He has since lost interest in you so he ghosted you. He doesn't respect you nor does he respect having a relationship with you. He is insincere and temporary in your life. I'm sorry he ghosted you. Even though you don't like the fact that he ghosted you, accept that he did and actually be glad that you know what type of person he is rather than dragging out a relationship with a man of questionable and disdainful character. Better to know now than later. Consider him history.

    In the future, don't move so fast and always listen to your gut and intuition because it's always right. 1.5 hours away is impractical. His insistent, overzealous behavior was alarming. He bombarded you with charm, flattery, compliments and then he grew tired of you. Then the fires and power outages. If he had to evacuate, his life was disrupted, however, the funeral you attended should've been irrelevant. No matter, he didn't last anyway.

    In your mind, say, "Good riddance!" You deserve better.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    I would see this as a blessing that he ghosted you. Snapchat means nothing.

    I would also only date locals.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    May 2019
    From your description, it sounds to me that the guy is emotionally immature. He clearly lacks patience (eager to meet up ASAP despite the distance, complaining when you don't respond within the time frame he wants a response) lack of patience and need for immediate gratification are signs of emotional immaturity. The love bombing very early on and the eagerness to rush the relationship also point to emotional immaturity.

    Bottom line, he's choosing to ghost you because it's the easiest and most convenient option for him. He's behaving badly, and there's no justification for it. At his age, he ought to be adult enough to communicate with you and end things with you respectfully.

    Yep, good riddance to this man-child, no need to waste any more time with this one.


  6. #5
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    He could have tired of the commute and both of you have a lot going on. It's hurtful but take it for what it is. Don't read into it too deeply. You're dealing with the loss of a friend also and he's in the midst of the forest fires.

    It's better that the both of you aren't clinging to each other for 'support' or making more of the connection than what it really was. I'd consider it a good time and let him be. This means leave it the way it was and don't go down the rabbit hole thinking you weren't good enough or he had other women on the side etc.

    I'm sorry about the loss of your friend also.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Wilds of Texas
    Pick this apart from the beginning and it wont' be so confusing.

    From the get go, he disrespected your stated boundaries and simply bulldozed you. That's not flattering, that's cray cray behavior. Unstable.

    He love bombed you as you now realize, which is what? Shallow, fake kind of stuff.

    He acted needy, unfair, more cray cray type behavior that should have raised alarms in your head and kind of did. "Acknowledge me Now" - that right there should have been enough for you to actually ghost him - block, delete, be done. Tip of the iceberg of crazy.

    Him ghosting you....sort of....not quite though as he is still there watching you on social media, really goes hand in hand with all of the above red flags and volatile behavior. Don't be surprised if he surfaces again when he sees or sense that you are vulnerable.

    The question you should be asking isn't why he ghosted you (he did you a favor), but rather why didn't you see the red flags and run away screaming? Why did you allow him to bulldoze your preferences and why do you confuse disrespect with caring?

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Cloud Nine
    Sorry to hear this. A lot of unfortunate circumstances. How long did you date in total. A few red flags such as the distance and the over-the-top pursuit. Was an ex in the picture?

    He seemed a bit flakey at best and controlling as well. Be glad he's gone. The whole thing from the start seems to have had an expiration date.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    If someone took long to reply to me, then texted: "Acknowledge me. Nooww." I would be really annoyed. That's just pushy and rude, especially because they took long to respond themselves. Also keeping in mind that you are actually allowed to have a life of your own and you're not required to just be texting him 24/7. In my opinion the guy doesn't sound that stable. He was acting too full-on from the start and then just disappeared. It's not your fault that your friend passed away. You did what you had to do. Also the guy should have told you that he's not interested in seeing you anymore, not just ghost. That would have been the right thing to do, especially as you were dating for some time and you had sex.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Here's how I see it. You only dated a few weeks. Many people change their minds a few weeks into things. He didn't ask you to be exclusive with him - and did he actually plan another date after sex - date and time -and then you had to cancel because of the fires -or did he leave you that day after sex with no specific plan to see each other again? Certainly circumstances like fire and power outages can throw a wrench into the momentum of things but if there's real potential both people do what it takes to see each other ASAP. My husband made a plan two or more weeks in advance with me when we were first dating because he knew he'd be out of town on business (we'd dated in the distant past so we knew each other well already - we were getting back together).
    I'm sorry he seems to have changed his mind and certainly there's nothing wrong with you choosing to have casual sex with him -sounds like you had fun - but since you didn't know him well that might have been a wake up call for him that made him wonder about whether you two were a match for something serious. Neither of you talked about being exclusive before having sex and maybe on reflection he simply saw this as a fun fling. You had fun, too.

    I don't think he ghosted you at all. He simply did not ask you out again after going out with you a couple of times.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member SooSad33's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    He showered me in compliments that were probably BS like being the most attractive woman he'd ever been with, how he was developing feelings fast etc
    - If this is so, sounds like he was on a 'rebound'. Moving on too fast from a LTR.

    "acknowledge me" then "noooowww"
    - wow.. rude :/

    Nah, don't get too hot headed.. you two did not have much of a connection, I think.. he was just playing.
    Usually, within the first few months is when you find out IF they are truly into it.. or not.

    Let him go. don't hang for someone who is that shady. And maybe plan for closer to home?

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