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Thread: I got ghosted - why?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    Does it really matter why? I know it is nice to have answers when you get rejected but in the end all the answers in the world will not change the fact that he is no longer interested.

    Look at the bright side. He did you a big favor because sooner or later you would have dumped him for his behavior. This way you didn't have to be the bad guy.

    Another bright side of this is he lives 1 1/2 hours away so there is little chance you will bump into him.

    You had some good dates, had a great night of sex and got out of the whole thing unscathed so it was a win win. The only down side was he wasn't the one but I am sure you have plenty of guys hitting you up online.

    Could you have seen the flags a little earlier? Of course but you wanted to think the best of this guy and gave him the benefit of the doubt which is good. Being to closed off or so rigid that you pick apart each guy you meet is not fair to you or them.

    He is out there, just keep looking

    Lost Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #12
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Ghosting is totally normal part of dating, interacting. Never take it personally. Obviously their intentions were not honorable, and you dodged a bullet. Onward, and upwards...

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by smackie9
    Ghosting is totally normal part of dating, interacting. Never take it personally. Obviously their intentions were not honorable, and you dodged a bullet. Onward, and upwards...
    I don't see anything not honorable -he might have felt exactly as he said when he said it and then after a couple of dates he changed his mind. Happens all the time.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    I bet he's got someone else and wasn't man enough to tell you so. Forget about him. Dont be so fast to get into relationships with people so far away.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    I don't see anything not honorable -he might have felt exactly as he said when he said it and then after a couple of dates he changed his mind. Happens all the time.
    As the one on the receiving end of his behavior, I will say that being love bombed and intimate with someone then ghosted was very hurtful. This is not someone I only hung out with a couple times.

    At best it was cowardly not to at least let me know he wanted to break things off.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    Pick this apart from the beginning and it wont' be so confusing.

    From the get go, he disrespected your stated boundaries and simply bulldozed you. That's not flattering, that's cray cray behavior. Unstable.

    He love bombed you as you now realize, which is what? Shallow, fake kind of stuff.

    He acted needy, unfair, more cray cray type behavior that should have raised alarms in your head and kind of did. "Acknowledge me Now" - that right there should have been enough for you to actually ghost him - block, delete, be done. Tip of the iceberg of crazy.

    Him ghosting you....sort of....not quite though as he is still there watching you on social media, really goes hand in hand with all of the above red flags and volatile behavior. Don't be surprised if he surfaces again when he sees or sense that you are vulnerable.

    The question you should be asking isn't why he ghosted you (he did you a favor), but rather why didn't you see the red flags and run away screaming? Why did you allow him to bulldoze your preferences and why do you confuse disrespect with caring?
    Thank you for your answer - blunt but helpful and to the point. I am reflecting and learning from the situation.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    I don't see anything not honorable -he might have felt exactly as he said when he said it and then after a couple of dates he changed his mind. Happens all the time.
    Honorable also meaning having the decency to say so.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Just a hunch. The moment you told him you lost a friend, needed to go out of state and attend a funeral was the moment he got busy working on securing a back up plan.
    Unfortunately for you, your reasons were legit and given his previous insecure text about not getting the response he thought he deserved suggests he didn't have the confidence to trust you and got busy finding someone else to build him up.
    That's on him and a reflection of his character. That combined w the distance makes this a mismatch.
    You'll never know. He could have reconciled with his wife.
    There are endless possibilities.
    Shake this off.

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by smackie9
    Honorable also meaning having the decency to say so.
    I suppose -I always saw the slow fade as a clear indication of a lack of interest -he showed her with his actions. I agree after a handful of dates probably warrants some kind of communication. I don't think he ghosted her.

  11. #20
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    Originally Posted by somechick99
    As the one on the receiving end of his behavior, I will say that being love bombed and intimate with someone then ghosted was very hurtful. This is not someone I only hung out with a couple times.

    At best it was cowardly not to at least let me know he wanted to break things off.
    I don't think he ghosted you. If a stranger or near stranger love bombs you you can choose to watch the feet -what he does, over a period of time- not what he says when he barely knows you. You made the choice to keep interacting with him. So you weren't passive -you enjoyed it and had fun having sex with him. You were sexually intimate but I don't think the sex obligates him to have a whole discussion with you since you weren't in a serious relationship with him and hadn't decided even to be exclusive. I thought you only went on a couple of dates? I feel like you're seeing yourself as the victim because you regret having sex so soon and without a commitment?

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