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Thread: My wife kissed another man

  1. #1

    My wife kissed another man

    My wife recently admitted to me about her kissing another man. The guy she kissed they knew each other growing up. They started talking through Facebook and turned into a every day thing checking up on one another. She went out with some friends girls night out. They were at a bar and happened to see him there. Her fiend left and she stuck around and hung out with him. As they were saying good bye he kissed her and she didnít stop him. She explained it was a quick peck on the lips. The next day she change her number and deactivated her Facebook and never spoke to him again. What should I make of this situation?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    How long have you been married? How long ago was this incident? Is there a reason she wants to make you jealous or suddenly admit to this? Do you think it was more than what she admits to?
    Originally Posted by Nobody1234
    My wife recently admitted to me about her kissing another man. The guy she kissed they knew each other growing up. They started talking through Facebook and turned into a every day thing checking up on one another. The next day she change her number and deactivated her Facebook and never spoke to him again. What should I make of this situation?

  3. 10-06-2020, 02:13 PM


  4. #3
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Why did she feel the need to tell you this?

    Basically, either she was very naive and didn't see the problem coming, the idea that she could have stopped him is silly, btw. If he forced himself even slightly, there was nothing she could do about it in that moment. Or she is lying and only telling a partial truth to cover her rear in case anyone saw and tells you about it. Basically, she was actually flirting with the guy and actively invited the situation to happen. How do you read it? You know your wife better than anyone here. Is she loyal type or is she the deceitful and attention hungry type? How is your marriage overall?

  5. #4
    Platinum Member SooSad33's Avatar
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    Hmm.. they were talking.. some times to a lot.
    She went out with her friends.. but just happened to run into him.

    She stayed behind with him a while longer.. he kissed her.

    I feel he was not what she thought he might be- but ended up a disapointment.
    But no need to completely deactivated your FB account- odd?

    IMO, no big deal.. in the end, she told you about it.

    ( I feel the most you can get out of this- is she was maybe low on herself?
    She was seeking and curious cause another man was showing some interest?
    And.. sounds like some emotional type cheating.)

    Thank her for telling you about it.. and try not to seem nasty, but ask her if she feels things aren't right between you two- as to why she did this.
    If she says she had no real intent on cheating, try to let it all go?

    Maybe she did not see him as anything more than a 'guy friend' and he crossed the lines.

    IF she has always been honest with you- I see asking her about it, she will again be honest.

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    Platinum Member gsxr104's Avatar
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    Before I say anything, this is just my opinion and nothing but that.
    How long had you known your wife before you two got married? Do you know if she'd ever been unfaithful before? I ask because I see three basic categories of people. Ones that just do what they want and don't particularly care if they're caught. Ones that would never do anything wrong (and yes, there are varying boundaries in the definition on this, but in this example, let's just keep it to its' simplest term), and then those who won't unless they think no one is watching or they think they can get away with it. Could be that it was just a coincidence that they just happened to be at the same place, at the same time and you don't have anything to worry about. It could be that she got off track of her typical character and had a momentary lapse of judgement and it will never happen again. One thing is for certain, it's really up to her as far as what is going to happen next. You can't make her love you and be faithful to you. Even though she took vows, it's her choice as to whether she's going to stick to them. In what I have observed, people tend to mimic the ones that they are attracted to. Have you noticed any new commentary or behavior in her?

    I'm sure you two have already shredded this to pieces so I wouldn't ride her tail about it, it will only stress her out and cause friction. I would sit back and take a close observation as to how she handles this. If she decides she wants to remain committed to you, then I think you're good, if she decides she wants to see where her relationship goes, then let her go and move on. It's tough dealing with issues like this but you can't make her be loyal, that is something that comes from our soul.

    " A woman doesn't need you. She wants you! "

  8. #6
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Nobody1234
    My wife recently admitted to me about her kissing another man. The guy she kissed they knew each other growing up. They started talking through Facebook and turned into a every day thing checking up on one another. She went out with some friends girls night out. They were at a bar and happened to see him there. Her fiend left and she stuck around and hung out with him. As they were saying good bye he kissed her and she didnít stop him. She explained it was a quick peck on the lips. The next day she change her number and deactivated her Facebook and never spoke to him again. What should I make of this situation?
    The bold part would bother me more due to the prolonged contact. It led to the inevitable because the groundwork was already there. It was an open invitation given the familiarity.

    There's nothing to be done (what's done is done) except to trust each other going forward if you're able to. You have to be the one to make that choice. If you feel she's insincere or has a previous history of trying to look for distractions outside the marriage or finds it hard to say 'no' in general maybe it's either time to accept this as part of who she is or make a decision on whether you both can grow together as a couple and change a few things.

    Are you open to seeing it as 'what should we make of this situation'? It involves the both of you so both of you have to address this in the context of your relationship, your marriage.

  9. #7
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    The fact that they have been talking daily and that she just "happened to run into him", really would put a lot of doubt into a persons mind as to how forthcoming she is being.

    Being involved with him at all, to the degree that she was, is already a form of cheating as she was getting emotionally involved with him.

    I honestly don't think the meeting was a fluke, it would make sense that she let him know where she would be and he showed up.

    What to do now? It depends on if you trust that she's going to be 100% transparent and honest now. It also depends on how serious she is about getting your marriage back on track.
    (because if she was getting close to another man, something in your marriage was/is off).

    She can tell you she is going to be honest and stay away from him, but do you believe her? Can you forgive her for cheating?

  10. #8
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    She stepped out, but didn't see it as that until it got out of control. She came to her senses, and came forward with what happened.

    I can't tell you whether she is fully truthful, or she's trying her best not to hurt you. It's what you do from here counts, like reassessing your relationship with your wife....are you two spending quality time together, has there been money stresses, etc. maybe there are things you two haven't really noticed about your marriage lately....like growing apart, stuck in routine. make some discoveries with each other, figure out how she got to that point of cheating, and work on it. Maybe some counseling is needed but that will be up to you two.
    Communication is key so start talking to each other more often about feelings, etc...rebuild that connection.

  11. #9
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    She stepped out, but didn't see it as that until it got out of control.
    Yes, most definitely.

  12. #10
    Platinum Member shellyf62's Avatar
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    I think more than a kiss happened, hence the sudden FB deletion & her admitting to you that she talked to him & she just "happened to run into him"
    She is covering her bases in case he turns up & starts telling some home truths.

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