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Thread: My husband refuses to adopt my son from a pervious relationship

  1. #1

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    My husband refuses to adopt my son from a pervious relationship

    Hi, from a girl misunderstood,

    I have been married to my husband for 2 years and have a 3 year old son from a previous relationship. His birth father have been an absent father before my son was born and abandoned me pregnant. When my son was 8 months old, i met my current husband and he always treats my son as his child and help me with parenting. In the past he says he would adopt my son legally. However currently its been twice that he says he wont legally adopt my son however he would always be a male role model and be a father to him but he would always be seen as a step dad even if he adopt him. He only see it as a piece of paper. However i don't feel the adoption is a piece of paper, to me its more than that. However, we have any biological kids of our own not until 2023 because he says he wants to finish his masters program. I'm 33 and my husband is 26. Maybe someone could give me advice that may help.

  2. #2

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    My son does see him as his dad because he's been raising him since he was 8 months old and calls my husband dad

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You need to track down the birth father for child support. You also need to talk to an attorney. Your husband does not want any legal obligation to your son. You need to go to court and file for child support from the child's biological father.

    Even though you have children together your husband is under no obligation to legally adopt your son. Why can't your husband simply continue being in the dad like role? Have you looked at the expense and legalities of adoption? Particularly with regard to the biological father?
    Originally Posted by annawuba87
    have a 3 year old son from a previous relationship.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    You are right - it's not just a piece of paper, it's a legal financial obligation to take care of another guy's son until he is 18 years old, including child support payments should you get divorced. I think you are very much in the wrong to demand that from your husband. This isn't about relationships and bonds between the child and him, etc. This is about money.

    On top of that, deadbeat or not, the child has a father somewhere out there who is in fact liable for child support and something YOU should be pursuing. If you aren't doing that and just dumping all care on your husband, you are doubly wrong. You simply cannot erase the fact that your child has a biological father who should be at least held responsible financially if nothing else. That is NOT your husband's responsibility and not something you should be demanding that he take on.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    Fully endorse you DF :

    "You simply cannot erase the fact that your child has a biological father who should be at least held responsible financially if nothing else. That is NOT your husband's responsibility and not something you should be demanding that he take on."

  7. #6
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    Ditto what DF said.

    There is no place the father can hide so if you put in the effort and go to the county to start getting child support from him at least you can put that money aside for medical care and a college fund.

    Why on earth would you want to force your husband that married you with an 8 month old child, loves your child like it was his own and helps you parent adopt if he is not feeling it? This is totally his choice so drop it and let him decide what HE wants to do.

    Sounds like you are about to ruin a good thing.

    Turn the energy you are using about this adoption thing into filing for child support from the jerk that got you pregnant and bailed on you and the baby.

    Lost

  8. #7
    Forum Supporter Fudgie's Avatar
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    Stop pressuring your husband to do this and file for child support from your dead beat ex. This is what would better your family - extra financial support. Your child is legally entitled to that and I don't think you should be brow beating your husband into adoption.

  9. #8

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    One, i have never demand him to adopt my child. We only talk about it in conversation. Two, i have tried to locate the father via the court system without a lawyer and was unsuccessful

  10. #9
    Forum Supporter Fudgie's Avatar
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    You don't need to find the dead beat yourself in order to hold him accountable. You need to file paperwork so the state can go after him with his SSN and such. Unless he's working under the table, if he's receiving legal paychecks, they can be garnished for child support and they should be!

    Having your husband adopt your kid means you can't hold the dead beat responsible for financial means. So I wouldn't consider an adoption. It's the best of both worlds, he gets to have your husband as his father while dead beat pays for CS.

  11. #10

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    i have been using the court to do parent locator to get the other parent help responsible for child support however he keeps eluding or escaping the court. So if the second time if i attempt with the court and he eludes them again, unfortunately i would have to get a lawyer involved

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