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Thread: My husband refuses to adopt my son from a pervious relationship

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    How old is your son now? Do you know the father's age, date of birth and first and last name or last known address? Have you tried to google him? Start there. Is the father on the birth certificate?

    It seems more like there are deeper problems in your marriage regarding the age difference and you being quite disappointed that you may have to wait until 2013 (age 36) to try to start a family because your husband wants to go back to school. Does you husband want a family?

    There is no need to further discuss adoption, if your husband is no longer interested in that.
    Originally Posted by annawuba87
    One, i have never demand him to adopt my child. We only talk about it in conversation. Two, i have tried to locate the father via the court system without a lawyer and was unsuccessful

  2. #12
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    Well then, Anna, maybe it is a good idea to get a lawyer involved. Layers are known to use the services of private investigators. The child's father cannot have vanished into thin air.

    And Fudgie is right. Paychecks can be garnished for child support.

  3. #13
    Forum Supporter Fudgie's Avatar
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    It's time to get the lawyer involved then. If he's dodging and playing games, you can't go at this alone. Get a lawyer involved and get the CS that your son is entitled to.

  4. #14

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    Never demand that my husband adopt my child, it only came up in conversation, number one. Number two, i have tried to locate the father via parent locator /court each time unsuccessful.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by annawuba87
    Hi, from a girl misunderstood,

    I have been married to my husband for 2 years and have a 3 year old son from a previous relationship. His birth father have been an absent father before my son was born and abandoned me pregnant. When my son was 8 months old, i met my current husband and he always treats my son as his child and help me with parenting. In the past he says he would adopt my son legally. However currently its been twice that he says he wont legally adopt my son however he would always be a male role model and be a father to him but he would always be seen as a step dad even if he adopt him. He only see it as a piece of paper. However i don't feel the adoption is a piece of paper, to me its more than that. However, we have any biological kids of our own not until 2023 because he says he wants to finish his masters program. I'm 33 and my husband is 26. Maybe someone could give me advice that may help.
    The above sounds more to me about having kids and starting a family together. The birth father abandoning you sounds traumatic. You're hurt and not sure when you'll get to experience this togetherness and family. Am I correct?

    The others have good insight on the legalities. When you're both ready to have kids, things will fall into place. Don't try to force or rush anything. Your son will always be your son and your husband is your husband. This is the family that you've gathered and created for yourself. It might be hard but being content with what you've got and feeling grateful for all these blessings will probably go a long way. Dig a little deeper - all those desires and yearnings for something more pushes all of us to greater things in the end. The key is practicing some patience on the way. You'll get there. Support each other and don't tear each other apart.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    Yes.

    " i have tried to locate the father via parent locator /court each time unsuccessful."

    What we are now suggesting is getting a lawyer. Do you have some reluctance to engaging a lawyer?

  8. #17
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    Adoption really isn't something that should be pressured onto someone. It should happen when someone wants it with their whole heart.
    Why does he feel he'd only ever been seen a step dad even if he adopted? That's quite the statement, and I'd want to know where that is coming from.
    You guys really rushed into marriage with a small child involved, why?? Are you working? Is it about benefits and you wanting more kids?
    Who is financially providing for yourself and your son? If it's not 100% you, I think you have your answer.
    I have a cousin who adopted after marriage, a child from a previous relationship. Situation was different though. He pretty much married her so that he could adopt him, as she was not a good person and was looking for a way out of being a mother. Their marriage was basically a means to an end, and didn't last long.

  9. #18
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    Where we are, even if the child is not the birth father, your husband has been raising him, and, if you were to split, he'd still need to pay child support. But I think him not wanting to adopt is fine. I don't think it's not from loving your son. He may want to leave room for his biological father one day. Regardless of the reason, I advise you to respect his decision.

  10. #19
    Gold Member waffle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by annawuba87
    i have been using the court to do parent locator to get the other parent help responsible for child support however he keeps eluding or escaping the court. So if the second time if i attempt with the court and he eludes them again, unfortunately i would have to get a lawyer involved
    Save your money. The trend these days is joint custody (unless the dad is dead or in prison) so he gets 50% visitation and you get no child support. That's why I alternate between rolling my eyes, or laughing, when I read "get you some child support" because the chances of that happening in the 21st Century are slim to none. Heck I had multiple children in a decades-long marriage and I still didn't get it, the court just told me to take a second job if I needed the money but let deadbeat dad keep his money for booze and hookers. (I think most of the problem is I make a lot more than my xH. He doesn't like to be employed. High-earning mom + chronically unemployed dad = forget it. You'll be lucky if you don't end up paying HIM support).

    Anyway, no, stop with the whole child support suggestion because if you are an employed woman that is a bigger nightmare than you can possibly imagine.

    The real issue is the current H adopting the child. He said he would and then he walked it back. I suspect he really doesn't see the point. His relationship with the child won't change so . . . ? Not saying it's right or wrong, but it is his choice.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member SooSad33's Avatar
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    Okay, so you two married.. why do you find it a problem that he wont adopt?

    I was in a cpl relationships- with kids from a diff father.. Never did I expect the next partner to adopt the kids.

    How about you just work on accepting what you've got now and leave it all alone.. He IS there now for you and your son.. sounds good to me.

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