Ending my life OR living life alone...?

I was sexually assaulted and I have a very inconsistent mother and we've always been estranged and I've accepted that but a few weeks ago I guess I felt comfortable I regretfully blurted it out to her, she started being nice to me which was something I found weird at the time.

I knew that this attention would eventually fade and we'd be estranged again but I was so desperate to run into someones arms and I chose the wrong person.

Today we got in an argument over something unrelated and I guess she thought I had an attitude because she blurted, "you act like I'm the one that sexually assaulted you" in front of my siblings. I told her this in private. I never blamed her. I only told her because I needed comfort. She started going into the details saying "shes just mad xyz happened..."

I just wanted someone to comfort me. I told her to stop talking about it and she replied "then drop the attitude"

I'm moving out in a few days. I'm getting help but I just now realized that I'm basically an orphan.

I'm going through the worst thing in my life and I have no loved ones or friends around me. How do I cope with this alone?

How do I cope with this alone?

I don't think anybody could give you the answer, I believe this is something you have to find yourself.

Also, ending your life does not really solve anything, does it? Learning how to cope alone is very difficult, it is very rewarding though. Imagine believing in yourself and making it alone without (much) external help or motivation. How awesome that would be?

Therapy would probably help, however, the reality is you have to find the answer on your own.

The simple answer is that you do cope, even when alone, because that's what I had to do. I suspect I'm a lot older than you (I'm 48) but my story is similar. I too was sexually assaulted as a teenager, but I never told my mother because I knew her response would be to ask what I'd done to cause it. Whenever I was hurt, bullied or upset, she would never comfort me or stick up for me. I'd be told "Sort it yourself" or be blamed for whatever happened. The only person who knew at the time was my boyfriend and he didn't want to know either.

Experiences like these and family situations such as yours make you an independent person who will look after themselves rather than rely on others. It is not a bad trait to have. It doesn't make the hurt go away, though. I had therapy a couple of years ago, which was very helpful in helping me understand my beliefs about life and others, and why I feel the way I do. You may find that therapy gives you a better insight too, allowing you to put things into perspective and prevent you from turning your hurt on yourself. Good luck.

Firstly, you are not alone. Please consider calling someone:

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

1-800-273-8255

The very second I saw your post, I chose yours above all others. Your post was the first I saw. I'm sure many other people will do the same because you are loved and you ARE cared for. There are so many good, perfect, and lovely reasons to live life. I know you may not see it right now, but one day life will be beautiful again. You will smile again. You will laugh and you WILL BE SO beautifully, radiantly happy. And I want you to be there to see life blossom into the rose that it is. That time is coming. Please, just hang in there. Take life step by step, and always know that you are NEVER alone, because Jesus loves you, and we love you too.

Sometimes blood family aren’t worthy of your time or love (your mum definitely does not sound like a good person to let anywhere near you), but you can find support in this world, on here, with a mental health professional, with the family you choose (you might not have met any of them yet but they are out there).

I am cheering for your imminent move away from someone who hurts you

First, I want to say that my heart goes out to you, dear rchubn. No one should have to tolerate that cruelty. I very much applaud you for your strength in taking that first step to move out.

Second, please know that you are never alone. Please consider calling the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 or, if possible, a therapist. Also realise that you are not the one who is at fault. Apparently, your mother has some issues of her own. Perhaps she harbours anger at not being able to support you and comes off as cold or uncaring. She doesn't have the necessary skills to deal with such an awful situation. I find that when people behave like your mother, it's because they are insecure and troubled, and have no idea that they are hurting the person who needs help. I imagine she harbours loads of guilt, and lashes out in anger because she let this happen to you. Does that make sense? I am by no means condoning her behaviour; please know that.

Lastly, I live alone and it's not so bad. I can do what I want, when I want, and if I want. Sounds good to me. And, I have no friends either (long story). Do you have any sibling that you can talk to?

Be proud of yourself for moving out. Good for you! Baby steps at a time, OK? Keep us posted. Sending you hugs.

Me again. I forgot to mention something that may cheer you up: how about adopting a pet? I adopted 2 darling kittens two years ago (when I had to live alone) and they bring me such joy and they're so entertaining. If you adopt a dog, or puppy, caring for the dog or puppy will keep you busy, I promise! If you adopt a pet, you will not feel so alone. Right? And, they'll take your mind off negative feelings (at least, for part of the time).

Do you enjoy any crafts? That's another possibility.

Unfortunately, with COVID, we are all isolated. But, once it's over, you may want to join a gym, a church activity or some MeetUp groups. And, I am sure that you can find somewhere to do some volunteer work. Just be careful and safe.

I'm going through the worst thing in my life and I have no loved ones or friends around me. How do I cope with this alone?

Oh man... I am sorry you are going through this :(

As someone that has gone through something similar, I can say that what has helped me most is having a very strong spiritual connection... I am very, very sensitive and sometimes being around people when I am in feelings about something is too much for me, so I use my spiritual connection as a source of strength, hope and faith to help me get through tough times. My spiritual connection is unconditional and always there when the people in my life are not. It means different things to different people, and I suppose mine is a bit unconventional, but it works for me and has helped me through the most challenging times in my life.

rchubim,

First, I'm sorry you have experienced this. What happened was traumatic enough, you should at least be able to have a parent who is able to help you through. Unfortunately, parents aren't always able to show us the love and support we need from them. It's best if you avoid her, for your own mental health. You need to find good things in your life, people who will be supportive. She is likely to just keep disappointing you and bringing you down.

Also realize that you are not alone in this. Sexual assault happens far too often. Each victim goes through a similar range of emotions. Hurt, guilt, fear, depression. It's not something you have to deal with alone, nor should you. Have you considered some sort of group session with people who have also gone through this? It might help to see and talk to people in a similar place as you, to find out what has helped them. You won't feel as alone and perhaps you can all draw strength from each other.

Suicide is not the solution. As much as life may hurt or how lonely you might feel, there are good things out there for you. There are good people who want to help. And you are a good person who can overcome anything and are stronger then the horrible things that happened. I've been beaten down by life to the point where I felt it wasn't worth living. But I realized I can't give into the darkness, that won't solve anything. I try to turn that bad around and use it as motivation to make things better for others, so they don't have to hurt. It's always darkest before the dawn. We just have to keep going and try to shine our light the best we can.

My heart goes out to you. I've found it helpful to recognize that those who aren't capable of comforting us are living within their own limits because they've suffered their own damage.

I get to decide whether I'll harm myself because of them, or whether I'll thrive despite them.

I opted to thrive. I've thanked myself every day since, and I hope you'll make the same choice.

Whenever someone mistreats you, it speaks of them, not you. You can use them as a "don't" model for how you will treat others, and more importantly, how you will treat yourself as you navigate forward.

Keep using these boards whenever you want to, and consider using one of the hotline options above whenever you want to speak with someone. You can also ask them for a referral to someone local to you who can help.

Head high, and I hope you'll revisit and stay in touch.

(((Big HUG)))

Cat