Help my friend out...

Someone I know is going thru a situation..he’s currently with someone who don’t makes him happy,(trust me there not good together) but the only reason he’s hasn’t left yet is because of Convenience..he met a woman who loves him the way he wants, they are happy together, but he hasn’t told her about his situation, I think he’s scared of loosing the one he actually loves, how would you react? Just trying to give him some perspective.

The truth is that he's being incredibly selfish and deceitful.

 

I would be honest that he's going to make a mess of 3 lives (his, his girlfriend's, and his affair partner's) if he doesn't remove his head from his backside. And then I would take my distance from someone who is capable of behaving like this. It's a major character flaw.

He is a cheat and a liar. Period.

 

The guy sounds like a selfish jerk, who has no problem messing with people's lives for his own benefit.

 

Make better choices in friends. He is of low character!

Your friend needs to stop lying and cheating, but you already know that.

Fear and paranoia are two things I've noticed destroy from the inside out, so wholly and totally that the person is barely recognizable over time. Whatever fears he has, he hasn't dealt with them. Loss comes to everyone whether we like it or not. Life IS about loss and acceptance, ever-changing circumstances and making the most out of different situations.

 

I think your friend needs time on his own to figure out what's bothering him so badly about his current life with his partner. Escapism for prolonged periods whether with another person or with hobbies and other distractions is never the answer. It helps on the surface but it doesn't resolve any issues of fear or that reluctance to face reality. A person stagnates in mental or emotional growth. You'll see it in their behaviours and actions - what they say, how they process and how they think. We can call it immoral or plain thoughtless or label it any way we want.

 

I would see this person as a person who stopped growing in some way. Keep growing forwards yourself - wherever you are at. Don't stay stuck or stunt your own growth. You can pass that message to your friend/s also.

Convenience?

 

HE needs to get his *** together.

 

IF he is really 'in love' with someone else.. then he acts on that Out Of Respect for the one he is not happy with!

You don't lead someone on and on if you're not in it.

 

You want to give him some perspective? Tell him to smarten up, stop using this other gal.

My perspective is that he's a liar, cheater and a selfish user. If he's not happy with his girlfriend and found someone else then he should end things with the girlfriend. He needs to stop being a jerk, but I doubt he will.

 

OP, what is YOUR perspective of this "friend" of yours?

Help my friend out...

 

Your friend doesn't need your help or ours. He's capable of making his own choices and he's not the one who is asking for help. Right?

 

The more important question is, given your front row view of his capacity for disloyalty, why would you choose such a person as a friend?

My perspective is to let him live his own life, make his own mistakes and endure his harsh consequences eventually. Let him learn the hard way which is the best way. Don't meddle even though your intentions are good. With all due respect, mind your own business. It's his life so let him live it. It's his choice.

 

Know your boundaries with others including him.

He needs to break up with the woman he is "officially" with, since it's obviously not working. That much I think most of us will all agree on, the rest is up to him.

 

Since you posted this thread, I'm assuming he either asked you for advice, or you feel your advice would be welcomed. But otherwise, yes, it is his private life, so make sure he actually is willing to hear what you have to say.

Which woman are you? The "convenient" one or the one he allegedly "truly loves"?

Which woman are you? The "convenient" one or the one he allegedly "truly loves"?

That was my question. Asking for a friend? Or are you the 3rd part of the triangle?