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Thread: I really like her... but is it the wrong time?

  1. #1

    I really like her... but is it the wrong time?

    Last year I (26) met a wonderful girl (28). We went out a few times. At first we didn't connect much. Although we couldn't see each other many times (we had some timing issues), we kept messaging a lot and the more we talked the more I liked her.

    The problem came in March. Her mother was diagnosed with cancer. I still remember the day when she cancelled me a date while I was waiting for her. She told me she was sad and having a really bad time and she needed some weeks without seeing me. It was sad but I understood. It didn't matter a lot because the following week the government declared the lockdown due coronavirus.

    From that day, everything started going downwards. She started messaging less and less and sometimes not even answering. (She would latter explain that it was because of some personal problem she had). Eventually and sadly her mother past away. She told me about that a few weeks after, she wasn't copping very well. I told her that I'm for her for anything she needed.

    Anyway, months have passed and we are still taking once every two or three weeks. Sometimes I send the first message, sometimes she does it (so, at least, I think she cares about me). The last time she told me that she was a little bit better but she wasn't seeing her friends or leaving her house much (technically our country is still under lockdown).

    I miss her and I want is see her again. Is it a bad time? Should I ask her out? Should I give her time? Should I forget about her because it's the wrong time? I really want to respect her times. I'm really sad because this could have been an amazing relationship. I don't know if she even realizes how much I care about her, maybe for her I'm just the guy she dated a few times.
    Last edited by carlitosjose; 10-05-2020 at 01:25 AM. Reason: Typo

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Why not give her a call? You can find out more about how she's doing first that way instead of springing the idea of going out on her right now. Not many people want to meet or go out due to covid restrictions. I think calling might be more considerate or mindful. I know I always appreciated a call from a friend when things were tough.

    You won't know about how she's doing unless you make the effort to try to get to know her a bit more. If you don't sense that she wants to carry on talking on the phone or can't at the time, don't force the issue. Let it be. Let her know you're there for her if she needs to talk.

    Eventually you'll either get tired of waiting and feel that this just isn't doing it for you or you'll find joy in chatting with each other despite the times and get to know each other more. Ask her out when it feels comfortable for both of you.

  3. #3
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    As this started last year and didn't develop it doesn't look likely that this will ever get going . If it had just been her mum and covid standing in the way , but it sounds like she was never as interested as you but more sounds like you have become friends .

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    What were the timing issues? Are either of you married/ in other relationships?

    It may be best to just remain pen pals. Is this a long distance situation?

    It's been a year of occasional communication, like friends have. Hopefully you can date local available women.

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  6. #5
    The timing issues were she was finishing her university thesis and working 6 days a week, then she went on vacations, I went on vacations for a month. Nothing special, but it was a little bit difficult finding a day where we both were available.

    She doesn't leave far, it's just a few minutes away. If she wanted to, going to a park or having a coffee wouldn't be a problem.

  7. #6
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    She doesn't leave far, it's just a few minutes away. If she wanted to, going to a park or having a coffee wouldn't be a problem.
    Yeah I think that speaks volumes ...

    Look you have two choices really ...

    just ask her and put yourself out of misery
    or
    walk away and let yourself move on and meet other women

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Someone who lives a few minutes away and won't meet is not interested or in another relationship.

    Only date women who are single available and interested.
    Originally Posted by carlitosjose
    She doesn't leave far, it's just a few minutes away. If she wanted to, going to a park or having a coffee wouldn't be a problem.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    I really like her... but is it the wrong time?
    Everything she's been telling you indicates that it's bad timing for her, and the fact that you're on lockdown tells you that it's also bad timing to pursue in-person dating.

    I'd leave the contact up to her, and I'd start pursuing potential future dates with others. I'd continue to let the woman know that your door is open should she ever want to reach out or meet up, but I'd clarify that I don't want to impose on her during this difficult time. This leaves the ball in her court and removes all pressure. From there, you'll be able to trust that if she reaches out to you, it's voluntary, and her conversations will tell you what you need to know about where she is at a given time.

    Liberate yourself from limbo by pursuing others while keeping your door open to future potential. Sometimes patience allows for you to have it both ways if someone is worth it to you.

  10. #9
    Thank you all for your kind replies. I guess I'll have to tell her, at least to let her know and get out of the limbo. If it's a bad time, I'll leave the door open for latter.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member SooSad33's Avatar
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    I'm sure she does realize what a nice guy you are, BUT this is not about you.

    She is sad.. she is struggling, with a lot! She has lost someone and Grief takes a good while.

    Yeah, maybe you two happened along at a bad time- for her.

    Maybe, you can just accept her as a 'friend' only and move along. I doubt she is in much of a 'dating' frame of mind :/.

    Is fine to keep up the occasional chat, as you have been.. But, question is.. how long are YOU willing to wait?

    I just feel expectations in this situation are low.


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