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Thread: My marriage is a joke

  1. #1
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    My marriage is a joke

    Iíve been with my wife for about 6 years. We have a beautiful daughter that is a year old. She is the light of my life, and my real reason for getting up everyday.

    My marriage has gone so downhill in the past year. Itís not even a marriage, itís a joke. We fight and bicker everyday about the dumbest things. Weíve had a lot of money issues lately which doesnít help. Weíve had sex one time in the past year, and any time Iíve initiated anything sheís rejected it.

    The worst part is the abuse that Iíve endured. This wasnít a thing until this past year. If things go south and we argue she hits me. Sheís punched me, grabbed me violently, left bruising, slapped me, and kicked me. She calls me names and belittles me.

    I constantly think of going out and finding someone else. I just want someone to love me and to hold me, and to have some intimacy with a woman. I use porn as a way to have a release.

    I want my daughter to have a life with 2 parents there. My wife is a terrible spouse currently, but sheís a great mother to my daughter. I donít know what to do. Iím not sure if the stress of having a baby has ruined us or what is going on.

    Please offer me your advice or experiences on how to fix this, or what you think I should do. Iím so lost. Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    Have you sought professional help/couple' s therapy? Physical and mental abuse are unacceptable. What you describe doesn't sound like something you can fix on your own (if at all). Imo, you need to seek professional help/ counseling. I realise that you don't want to break up your family but growing up in such a toxic environment is bad for your daughter. Cheating is not the answers though. If you really love your daughter think long and hard what kind of example you want to set for her.

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    Everything was fine until your daughter was born according to you.

    Post natal depression ? Have you talked to her? Like properly talked? Asked how she is feeling?
    Are you an active father? Has your wife returned to work?

  4. #4
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Abuse should NEVER be tolerated. What is your daughter going to learn from abuse , violence and arguing? She will learn that thatís what romantic love looks like. And that itís OK for people to do these things. Please, call the police and you need to talk to a lawyer pronto.

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  6. #5
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    Originally Posted by Billie28
    Everything was fine until your daughter was born according to you.

    Post natal depression ? Have you talked to her? Like properly talked? Asked how she is feeling?
    Are you an active father? Has your wife returned to work?
    Iíve tried to get her to speak to somebody about post natal depression and she refuses. She always says that sheís fine, but I know sheís not.

    Yes, I am a very active father. I would say I take care of my daughter more than my wife does. Not saying sheís a bad parent, but I do a lot. My wife has back problems so a lot of the time I am doing the physical activity and being with her more so than her.

    Originally Posted by Clio
    Have you sought professional help/couple' s therapy? Physical and mental abuse are unacceptable. What you describe doesn't sound like something you can fix on your own (if at all). Imo, you need to seek professional help/ counseling. I realise that you don't want to break up your family but growing up in such a toxic environment is bad for your daughter. Cheating is not the answers though. If you really love your daughter think long and hard what kind of example you want to set for her.
    We have not sought therapy, although I have suggested it countless times. She is one of those people that internalizes everything and doesnít think it helps. She also says that we have no money for that kind of stuff but if it will save our relationship then Iíd be willing to do it.

    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    Abuse should NEVER be tolerated. What is your daughter going to learn from abuse , violence and arguing? She will learn that thatís what romantic love looks like. And that itís OK for people to do these things. Please, call the police and you need to talk to a lawyer pronto.
    I completely agree, and I hate that she does this stuff in front of my daughter. The violence and foul language is appalling. Iím worried sheís at the age where she will remember it.

  7. #6
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Iwantittoend
    Iíve tried to get her to speak to somebody about post natal depression and she refuses. She always says that sheís fine, but I know sheís not.

    Yes, I am a very active father. I would say I take care of my daughter more than my wife does. Not saying sheís a bad parent, but I do a lot. My wife has back problems so a lot of the time I am doing the physical activity and being with her more so than her.



    We have not sought therapy, although I have suggested it countless times. She is one of those people that internalizes everything and doesnít think it helps. She also says that we have no money for that kind of stuff but if it will save our relationship then Iíd be willing to do it.



    I completely agree, and I hate that she does this stuff in front of my daughter. The violence and foul language is appalling. Iím worried sheís at the age where she will remember it.
    Then you need to speak to a lawyer today. Document document document everything pictures if you have to everything. Call the police if you need to. She is not being a good mother when she commits violence against her childís father. That isnít what a good mother does. You need to speak to a lawyer get out of this situation and apply for full custody of your daughter document every instance of violence against you.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear that. How long have you had interpersonal problems with her.

    You don't need her permission to go to your own doctor and therapist and address your concerns and speak frankly with someone.

    Who controls the finances? The fact that you are considering affairs indicates that you feel like a helpless victim and this is your escape.

    The knock down drag out fights need to stop.

    I constantly think of going out and finding someone else

  9. #8
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    OP. You may recall this from just before you married:

    "I always shy away from professional help, which is another part of my anxiety. There's a part of me that is scared of them and the perception people might get of me if I seek out a doctor."

    There were issues then, OP, including her binge-shopping, her attitude, etc.

    But you married her.

    What are you going to do now?

  10. #9
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    I would seek legal advice in your location. This is not the same thing as pursuing a divorce, it's an appointment to learn your options and the best steps you can take for each option. From there you can decide your course based on real information rather than on emotions alone.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    A good mother doesn't abuse the child's father in front of her. Or at all.

    No, no, no to couples counseling. It is useless for abusers.

    Please see a professional and an attorney. She will not magically get better.

    And BTW, staying in this abusive marriage so your child will have two parents together is more damaging than divorce. If you choose to stay you would be contributing to your daughter growing up damaged emotionally. Please do what is best for your child, don't try to keep up with some romantic ideal you've created in your head.

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