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Thread: Distance and space

  1. #1

    Distance and space

    My boyfriend is going through rough patches. This is the second time I'm dealing with this but it seems much worse. He has depression issues which makes it difficult on me because he just completely shuts down. I've been supportive and understanding. But now he's told me he doesn't want to text as much. Fine.. I'm taking that as he wants space. I've stopped contacting him because frankly I'm lost on what to do. My situation is different because i do not work at home. I'm alone for weeks on end and it's just nice to have someone out there. Now I feel completely alone. Do I just forget him or try to communicate? Depression is so hard to deal with.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    There's nothing you can do unfortunately except give him the space he asks for. Is he seeking treatment for his depression? Is he diagnosed with it or does he have a health care provider who is looking after him?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Give him the space he wants. He knows how to contact you if he wants to. Is he getting help for his problems?

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Have you met in person? How long have you been dating? It may be time to end things rather than "try to be supportive". He needs doctors and therapists, not a relationship.

    He does not seem ready, willing or able to sustain a relationship. If you wait by the phone for him, you'll have a very lonely unhappy life.

    It's time to stop trying to fix him and instead work on your own isolation, loneliness and despair. Reach out to friends and family. Join some clubs and groups. Go out whenever possible.
    Originally Posted by Learntoswim
    This is the second time I'm dealing with this but it seems much worse. He has depression issues which makes it difficult on me because he just completely shuts down. he's told me he doesn't want to text as much. I'm alone for weeks on end and it's just nice to have someone out there.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    When a person asks for space, you have to pull away. Let them be. If he contacts you, I would be kind... But also know, you have every right to decide this is not good for you and end things.

    The fact that you feel alone without him, should be a separate issue. I think a lot people feel alone considering the pandemic. And all of our interactions are limited to smaller numbers of people. However, your life should not be dependent upon one person.

    Do you have family? Friends? People you can call on?

  7. #6
    Platinum Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    How long have you been together? What happened the last time he asked for space?

  8. #7
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    Exactly how much space is he asking for? What does it look like when he's going through a rough patch?

  9. #8
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    How often did you see him? How often did you text? How long have you dated?

  10. #9
    Platinum Member SooSad33's Avatar
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    Yes, with someone like this w/ depression, It can do this with them.. the distance, pushing away etc :(.

    It is very challenging.. but choice is yours on whether you want to live with this in yrs to come....

    Do you not have family or friends you can be around? Should not be all on him.

  11. #10
    Gold Member ShySoul's Avatar
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    If he is depressed, he needs a supportive friend who he knows will be there for him. Respect his wishes to cut back conversation and give him space if he wants it. But don't cut him out completely. Also, don't try to do more then you can handle. You can't address his issues for him, he has to do that himself. All you can do is be there when he is ready. Don't let it drag you down into depression as well.

    How are you holding up? You said you were alone for weeks at a time. I know how difficult that can be. Do you have anyone you can talk to? Maybe you should take some time for yourself and find something to relax yourself or deal with any loneliness. If you ever just need someone to talk to, you can bug me. Hang in there.


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