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Thread: Dealing with a husband that just doesn't care anymore

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    Dealing with a husband that just doesn't care anymore

    I'm really struggling right now with my husband. We're both 24, married for over a year. I feel as if he has lost interest in our marriage and myself.

    He says he hasn't, but I think differently. He doesn't want to talk much, he would rather play games on his phone or computer than do anything with me. He doesn't want to have sex, he just doesn't care.

    We have been seeing a therapist together, but that hasn't been overly helpful.

    These issues have been going on for months, before we got married, everything was great, we had been together for 5 years. A few weeks ago we went on vacation in hopes to help our relationship and it didn't help at all. We rented a house in different state with a private pool. He didn't want to go out and do anything, see anything, etc. He spent 95% of the time in the living area playing games on his tablet, or talking to his "gamer friends" on this chat thing. So while he was doing that, I was enjoying my time around and in the pool. He didn't once want to join me outside or in the pool. I also walked around the house completely nude and spent my time outside nude, and he didn't even blink an eye at that, no comments, no acknowledgment. NOTHING. I made a super nice dinner and ate outside nude, no compliments or anything. It was a disappointing trip.

    Now that has passed and I'm considering divorce, he doesn't think we have any issues, I'm just at a complete loss as to what to do. Any thoughts or suggestions would be appreciated. Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #2
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    A different therapist may help. You may want to really consider divorce as this is no way to live your life.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. Is it an arranged marriage. Sadly it sounds like he is taking things for granted and completely checked out.
    Pull back, way back. Stop joint therapy and discuss this privately and confidentially with your own personal therapist to get a better take on things.

    Shake this up. No not throwing fancy dinners or sexy outfits/nudity at him. The opposite. Pull back, do not lean into this, it enables it. Stop doing housewife things. Let him find his own dinner, do his own shopping, errands, chores, etc. If he want's to eat, he'll have to interrupt his video games.

    Be mysterious, new clothes, hair, go to the gym, get in shape, be out a lot more. He is acting like a 13 y/o kid in his mom's basement.

    Yes consult an attorney, do not mention it and never threaten divorce, just get your ducks in a row. Why live a sexless, affectionless life with a video game addicted, checked out, cold child?
    Originally Posted by Steph096
    We're both 24, married for over a year. I feel as if he has lost interest in our marriage and myself.

    he would rather play games on his phone or computer than do anything with me. He doesn't want to have sex, he just doesn't care.

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    I think you are correct that he has lost interest.

    Do you think he may have met someone else through these gaming platforms?

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    He's living in another world with his games. For someone to check out during a planned vacation and spend nearly all his time on virtual games instead of spending time with you, he's chosen that virtual world over the marriage. Whatever you're both doing with the couple's therapy isn't working. I wouldn't keep investing in that anymore. I am so sorry. You must be in so much pain and extremely lonely.

    Keep your clothes on from now onwards. The more you keep subjugating yourself this way to no avail, the more you're digging yourself into a pit of low self-worth and feeling less and less attractive around someone who has opted not to pay attention. End that type of behaviour. You are worth far more than that. Don't debase yourself or stoop so low anymore. Tell yourself you have tried to put yourself out there and have wanted to work on the marriage but he is not in it in the same way anymore.

    Someone who uses games this way is trying to escape from reality or not able to handle or face what the outside world offers. Escapism is fine for temporary periods to give the mind reprieve from severe grief or some break in reality but he's abusing that freedom to "game" and also abusing your trust in the process.

    Is he employed or are both of you financially secure? Were there recent losses or any illness in the family also?

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    Do you think he is suffering from depression?

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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Shake this up. No not throwing fancy dinners or sexy outfits/nudity at him. The opposite. Pull back, do not lean into this, it enables it. Stop doing housewife things. Let him find his own dinner, do his own shopping, errands, chores, etc. If he want's to eat, he'll have to interrupt his video games.

    Be mysterious, new clothes, hair, go to the gym, get in shape, be out a lot more. He is acting like a 13 y/o kid in his mom's basement.

    Yes consult an attorney, do not mention it and never threaten divorce, just get your ducks in a row. Why live a sexless, affectionless life with a video game addicted, checked out, cold child?
    Thanks, I appreciate your input. I haven't threatened divorce but he knows it will probably be the next step. I will continue to live my life as I will. He needs to figure it out, quickly.

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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    Do you think he is suffering from depression?
    Yes, he most defiantly is.

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    Originally Posted by Steph096
    Yes, he most defiantly is.
    For how long? And did you have a long engagement/big wedding?

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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    He's living in another world with his games. For someone to check out during a planned vacation and spend nearly all his time on virtual games instead of spending time with you, he's chosen that virtual world over the marriage. Whatever you're both doing with the couple's therapy isn't working. I wouldn't keep investing in that anymore. I am so sorry. You must be in so much pain and extremely lonely.

    Keep your clothes on from now onwards. The more you keep subjugating yourself this way to no avail, the more you're digging yourself into a pit of low self-worth and feeling less and less attractive around someone who has opted not to pay attention. End that type of behaviour. You are worth far more than that. Don't debase yourself or stoop so low anymore. Tell yourself you have tried to put yourself out there and have wanted to work on the marriage but he is not in it in the same way anymore.

    Someone who uses games this way is trying to escape from reality or not able to handle or face what the outside world offers. Escapism is fine for temporary periods to give the mind reprieve from severe grief or some break in reality but he's abusing that freedom to "game" and also abusing your trust in the process.

    Is he employed or are both of you financially secure? Were there recent losses or any illness in the family also?
    A few things, thank you so much for your feedback.

    It's unfortunate that our trip didn't go as planned because I was really hoping for a change in him. I know he's going through a rough patch but it's not an excuse to play games and whatnot all day.

    You're right about the low self-worth, I didn't take my clothes off for him, completely, to be honest I just wanted to relax and destress, but being naked and not getting any compliments was hurtful. I don't expect to the nudity aspect to be "sexual" or anything, but a compliment like "Wow, you look great." would have been nice. I feel completely awful after that experience.

    He is employed, although I am more financially secure than he is. No recent losses or illness in the family, but he has up and down depression at times. I know he wasn't depressed during the trip.

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