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Thread: Dealing with a husband that just doesn't care anymore

  1. #41
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    I don't think a threesome is a smart move. Just like having a baby won't help a troubled relationship. It only adds more pressure to the situation.

    Maybe you need to look for a different therapist. Its not always one size fits all. Maybe you could go separately.

    I'm sorry. this sounds very hurtful Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #42
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    Originally Posted by Lambert
    I don't think a threesome is a smart move. Just like having a baby won't help a troubled relationship. It only adds more pressure to the situation.

    Maybe you need to look for a different therapist. Its not always one size fits all. Maybe you could go separately.

    I'm sorry. this sounds very hurtful
    Thanks. Iíve been struggling with this. Iím SO thankful I didnít get pregnant. We talked about wanting kids, I even went off bc for a while (back on now.) Part of me is considering the threesome, as one last attempt for him to see what he is missing with me 1 on 1 and maybe the friend can spark a light in him that can save us. Doubtful, I know. But beside him not finding interest in me, this is very very hard for me to handle.

    I donít disagree with finding another therapist. I like that idea, a lot.

  3. #43
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Steph096
    Thanks. Iíve been struggling with this. Iím SO thankful I didnít get pregnant. We talked about wanting kids, I even went off bc for a while (back on now.) Part of me is considering the threesome, as one last attempt for him to see what he is missing with me 1 on 1 and maybe the friend can spark a light in him that can save us. Doubtful, I know. But beside him not finding interest in me, this is very very hard for me to handle.

    I donít disagree with finding another therapist. I like that idea, a lot.
    Do you think he would use the threesome against you? like use it as a reason to push you further way? or to blame it/you for some reason?

    I just really question doing this to please him. if you're doing it because you are interested in it, then fine. you are all adults.

    but if you're giving in to get something in return, you might regret it. By not geting what you want in return or some other form of backfire that will hurt you even more in the long run.

    trust your gut on this. its ok to have a limit to what you'll do for another person... even your spouse.

  4. #44
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    Originally Posted by Steph096
    I donít think it would help, but if he think it does. Eh. I donít know. 😢
    How exactly does he think a threesome would help your marriage? That's a sincere question, and one you should be asking him. I don't see the connection between inviting another person in your bed and repairing a dying marriage.

    I say that as someone who has had threesomes now and again, so no judgement on spicing things up that way. However, it isn't something a couple should do to save their sex life or their relationship. It's something that should be treated as a fun and occasional change of pace, with both parties equally interested. It will be a disaster otherwise. I guarantee it.

    It sounds more like he just really wants a threesome and is using this "save-the-marriage" nonsense as the carrot to talk you into it.

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  6. #45
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    How is 1 on 1 with his friend a threesome?

    Sounds like you want to spite him.

    It's understandable that you are resentful. Are you sure you want to save the marriage?

    Is cuckolding just another variation of kink for you two?
    Originally Posted by Steph096
    me 1 on 1 and maybe the friend can spark a light in him t.

  7. #46
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    Originally Posted by Lambert
    Do you think he would use the threesome against you? like use it as a reason to push you further way? or to blame it/you for some reason?

    I just really question doing this to please him. if you're doing it because you are interested in it, then fine. you are all adults.

    but if you're giving in to get something in return, you might regret it. By not geting what you want in return or some other form of backfire that will hurt you even more in the long run.

    trust your gut on this. its ok to have a limit to what you'll do for another person... even your spouse.
    I donít think he would use it it a way against me. He isnít that type of person, even in his current state. I know it sounds dumb but Iím interested in doing it to see if it changed anything. Communication, how he views me, doing things together, our sex life. Maybe Iím a fool for thinking that. I donít know. Would it hurt me if it goes badly or doesnít change anything? Maybe, but at least I know where I stand and get my last ďwishĒ of an attempt to save this marriage.

  8. #47
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    How is 1 on 1 with his friend a threesome?

    Sounds like you want to spite him.

    It's understandable that you are resentful. Are you sure you want to save the marriage?

    Is cuckolding just another variation of kink for you two?
    Before we got married we were having sex once or twice a day consistently. We have gotten into some crazy, weird things but never a threesome although itís been talked about multiple times. When that was happening my husband and I had the perfect relationship going. Everything was great.

    If we do end everything, Iíd like to say I gave it my all and I was the one who never gave up.

  9. #48
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    So You think sex with his friend will revitalize things? You're right, he checked out as soon as you were married for whatever reason.
    Originally Posted by Steph096
    We have gotten into some crazy, weird things but never a threesome although itís been talked about multiple times.

    and I was the one who never gave up.

  10. #49
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Steph096
    I donít think he would use it it a way against me. He isnít that type of person, even in his current state. I know it sounds dumb but Iím interested in doing it to see if it changed anything. Communication, how he views me, doing things together, our sex life. Maybe Iím a fool for thinking that. I donít know. Would it hurt me if it goes badly or doesnít change anything? Maybe, but at least I know where I stand and get my last ďwishĒ of an attempt to save this marriage.
    I understand. I guess I was thinking of it from the perspective of, would you feel used or manipulated by your hubs or his friend?

    I personally would have a real problem with basically being neglected and ignored both physically and emotionally, but.. he'll do it with you, if his friend can get in on it, too.

    it just doesn't pass the "is this the action of someone that loves me and puts me above all others" test. It rather reeks of 'let me help boy hook up before this relationship ends.'

  11. #50
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    Originally Posted by Lambert
    I understand. I guess I was thinking of it from the perspective of, would you feel used or manipulated by your hubs or his frend?

    I personally would have a real problem with basically being neglected and ignored both physically and emotionally, but.. he'll do it with you, if his friend can get in on it, too.
    '
    In my eyes, Iím getting ignored right now, but the last few days have been an improvement. I guess you can kind of see my point in possibly wanting a threesome as one of my last attempts. I donít feel like I would be manipulated by either because he has brought this up years ago, so I know itís not due to our marriage issues. So Iím really at a toss as to what to do about that.

    We are having a few of his guy friends over tonight, he is looking forward to it. Iím actually trying to remain hopeful.

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