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Thread: Dealing with a husband that just doesn't care anymore

  1. #31
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Not sure of your terminology. Have you researched or googled these terms or anything about your husbands proclivities? The point is that you seem to think this is fine and completely unrelated to your marital problems, no?

    Your post starts out that things were fine before you go married, then goes on to say he ignores you, then goes on to complain that he is not aroused by you on vacation, now it's his sexuality?
    Originally Posted by Steph096
    Just a threesome. No guy on guy stuff.
    Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #32
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2

    Your post starts out that things were fine before you go married, then goes on to say he ignores you, then goes on to complain that he is not aroused by you on vacation, now it's his sexuality?
    He wanted a threesome before we got married. I donít consider it a issue or reason as to why he is ignoring me. I also wouldnít get divorced over a threesome or the comment about it.

  3. #33
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    This is understandable because the marriage seems all over the place.
    Originally Posted by Steph096
    We have been seeing a therapist together, but that hasn't been overly helpful.

  4. #34
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    This is understandable because the marriage seems all over the place.
    Itís messy, thatís for sure. So I donít know what to do. Divorce, wait this out, have a threesome, run away lol

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  6. #35
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    One year into your marriage you are already in counseling and it's not working. You've talked, you've tried. Nothing seems to work. No, a threesome with his pal isn't going to save your marriage, but it might leave you feeling like dirt.

    At this point I really don't know what else you can do. For a marriage to work, BOTH people have to be fully in it and working on it. He isn't doing it. So it goes back to you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink.

    I know it's not an easy decision, but I would actually go ahead with the divorce. You are both still young and have plenty of time to get the life you want, it's just not going to happen with each other. I really think you've way outgrown each other in too many ways and that's really where you are at. One year into marriage, most couples are still going at it like rabbits, especially at your age, you are already in therapy. This isn't working. Leave while you still have time to start over.

  7. #36
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    One year into your marriage you are already in counseling and it's not working. You've talked, you've tried. Nothing seems to work. No, a threesome with his pal isn't going to save your marriage, but it might leave you feeling like dirt.

    At this point I really don't know what else you can do. For a marriage to work, BOTH people have to be fully in it and working on it. He isn't doing it. So it goes back to you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink.

    I know it's not an easy decision, but I would actually go ahead with the divorce. You are both still young and have plenty of time to get the life you want, it's just not going to happen with each other. I really think you've way outgrown each other in too many ways and that's really where you are at. One year into marriage, most couples are still going at it like rabbits, especially at your age, you are already in therapy. This isn't working. Leave while you still have time to start over.
    Thanks for that. I do agree we have out grown each other. I think he would say a threesome would help our marriage, if I were to ask. We used to have sex non stop before we were married and were into some crazier things. Now itís blah and non existent. Itís an extremely hard decision to make as I reflect on everything. Iím just struggling overall. I appreciate your advice and input. Wish it wasnít so public though ha.
    Last edited by Steph096; 10-08-2020 at 05:47 PM.

  8. #37
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    he just wants to share me with him
    Okay, you've got a husband who won't have sex with you, who sees you naked and doesn't care and wants to 'share' you with his friend....I would be so done.

    It honestly sounds like torture and you trying to hang onto any kind of tiny bit of affection he may have left. But he's checked out long time ago.
    He's not interested.

    Go forward with the divorce, unless you want more humiliation and heartache.

  9. #38
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    I think he would say a threesome would help our marriage
    When more people have to be involved in order for your sex life to work...then you know you've got a serious problem.

  10. #39
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    Okay, you've got a husband who won't have sex with you, who sees you naked and doesn't care and wants to 'share' you with his friend....I would be so done.

    It honestly sounds like torture and you trying to hang onto any kind of tiny bit of affection he may have left. But he's checked out long time ago.
    He's not interested.

    Go forward with the divorce, unless you want more humiliation and heartache.
    Thanks for your comments. I was extremely hurt by him not saying anything on vacation. Iím beautiful, he would always tell me that. Again, I didnít lounge around naked for him, or a compliment but it would have been nice.

    The last few months have been torture, I just want to be loved, touched and have communication with him.

    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    When more people have to be involved in order for your sex life to work...then you know you've got a serious problem.
    I donít think it would help, but if he think it does. Eh. I donít know. 😢

  11. #40
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Steph, you deserve so much more than this...at the very least, you deserve him to be trying so much harder.

    You deserve to be loved, to be laughing, to be enjoying one another and living a life together. You have tried to do all the things we normally advise to try, such as talking to your partner, seek counselling, try to go on vacation to reconnect, even attempt intimacy by being flirty and sexy around them...but if he's not a willing participant and he's just not paying attention, then it really is futile.
    And I'm sorry to tell you that because I know you want your marriage to work.

    At this point though, you've got to start saving yourself. You shouldn't have to endure more torture and more pain and more loneliness. That's not what life or marriage should ever be about.

    Moving forward with a divorce is going to be painful and it will be hard, I don't think anyone will dispute that. But it will help you gain closure and it will help you come to terms with the ending of your marriage.

    It's a path that will lead you to your healing and lead you to new starts and new beginnings. Those things can bring you so much more happiness than what you are living with now.

    You sound very strong, and bright and still full of so much life and love. Someone out there will be overjoyed to be with you. Look forward and to the possibilities that lie ahead and don't dwell in the past.
    It's okay to mourn an ending and it's okay to take time to get over all of it, but you are also giving yourself a new lease on life by no longer being prisoner to this very sad reality that you're currently living.

    I hope that you do what's best for you and to start protecting your heart now. He has had loads of time to love you properly. There comes a time when he just doesn't deserve you anymore.

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