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Thread: Dealing with a husband that just doesn't care anymore

  1. #11
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    Some people experience depression after getting married. It's a major stressor, even though it's thought of as a positive one. The same thing is common after the birth of a child.
    It's more common in young couples too. Do you think this is a possibility? Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #12
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    He's still quite young, it doesn't sound like he's ready for marriage right now.

    He's bored, because he wants to be doing different things than what you both are doing right now. Your needs and wants are incompatible.

    This is only one year in, and no children yet. Children will make things much more harder.

    My suggestion is to talk to him about divorcing. It doesn't seem like it's going to work long term, you're both not happy.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Someone who uses games this way is trying to escape from reality or not able to handle or face what the outside world offers.
    Not true. There are thousands of gamers in this world. It's their hobby during free time. Some even do it as a way of making money via Youtube or other social platforms.

    It IS considered a hobby being as it is quite popular now a days.

    There's no depression attached to it, and there should also be no shame. It's something people genuinely enjoy in this day and age.

    If you're not a gamer and he is, it is going to be a huge incompatibility between you two, unfortunately.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Steph096
    A few things, thank you so much for your feedback.

    It's unfortunate that our trip didn't go as planned because I was really hoping for a change in him. I know he's going through a rough patch but it's not an excuse to play games and whatnot all day.

    You're right about the low self-worth, I didn't take my clothes off for him, completely, to be honest I just wanted to relax and destress, but being naked and not getting any compliments was hurtful. I don't expect to the nudity aspect to be "sexual" or anything, but a compliment like "Wow, you look great." would have been nice. I feel completely awful after that experience.

    He is employed, although I am more financially secure than he is. No recent losses or illness in the family, but he has up and down depression at times. I know he wasn't depressed during the trip.
    What is this? Has it been addressed by a doctor or has he received treatment for his moods?

    You were looking or fishing for compliments in an emotionally-starved relationship. It always takes two. You can't control another person's actions or reactions but you can control your own so start figuring out what you need in a relationship and ask yourself whether you're seeing signs of reciprocated love or affection from this person. He may be your spouse on paper but he may not be your spouse in any other way, nor does he seem to enjoy spending time with you in the same way that you want to spend time with him.

    If he can't meet you halfway in your expectations of each other, the marriage is a sham. Both of you are together out of convenience. It is possible also for individuals to outgrow one another in a marriage. Once you've started to understand a bit more about who he is as a person and if he's making any effort to meet you halfway or reconnect in the marriage, you can figure out whether there's any future left with him.

    I'm sorry to say this but not everyone (even good people) are always able to or have the capacity to give of themselves the same way that others can. This happens even in marriages where you've made promises to each other. Circumstances can change and people do reveal things about themselves over time that may or may not change your paths as a couple. Whatever you choose for yourself going forward, keep going back to your convictions and what your needs are and what that commitment meant way back when when you first got married. If you still cannot outweigh the pros against the cons, things have to change.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    So basically, you started dating when you were late teens and now that you are young adults, you are finding out that you really have no business being with each other. You've outgrown each other and this relationship completely.

    My advice is really simple, stop wasting money on therapy - it's not working and not going to. You can't fix what should have never happened in the first place - marriage. Fortunately, you can undo this and get a divorce while it's still easy, just one year in and no children or assets involved. Part ways amicably and be done. You both need to free each other and actually be single and grow up in that respect. Learn who you are as a single person, who you are as an adult, and who you should actually be with in the future and in the long run. Dating the way you did, you both actually stopped each other from that necessary growth and development and sooner or later, that tends to catch up with people.

    For you, at least it's happening now. For others it happens in their 30's - mortgage, cars, kids and then one partner suddenly wakes up and wants to "go find themselves", aka go party, drink, sleep around and do all the things they missed out on in their early 20's. Don't cling to this point. Better to leave now, while you both can still do all that and find the actual right partners because this situation is not it. As you are learning the hard way, you can lead a horse to water, you can't make him drink. This pretty much sums up your relationship - you can go to therapy, you can go on vacation, you can walk around naked, but.....

  7. #16
    Platinum Member SooSad33's Avatar
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    Wow, talk about negligent :/.

    One time around the pool naked and he never took notice, I would not be doing it again.

    Sex was an issue before you went away- nothing changed with your trip-.. so may have been 'in hopes' from your end.. he still didnt care.

    Could be, he is either bored now or is struggling with some things?
    Males dont always know HOW to explain themselves properly the way women can- emotionally invested with so much.

    They can 'go into their man cave' for a while to work thru their own things..
    But just sounds like he has lost interest..?

    Yeah, i would inform him to get himself together and either TRY and give YOU some of his time.. so, shape up or ship out, cause you dont need your time feeling so neglected.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by SooSad33
    Wow, talk about negligent :/.

    One time around the pool naked and he never took notice, I would not be doing it again.

    Sex was an issue before you went away- nothing changed with your trip-.. so may have been 'in hopes' from your end.. he still didnt care.

    Could be, he is either bored now or is struggling with some things?
    Males dont always know HOW to explain themselves properly the way women can- emotionally invested with so much.

    They can 'go into their man cave' for a while to work thru their own things..
    But just sounds like he has lost interest..?

    Yeah, i would inform him to get himself together and either TRY and give YOU some of his time.. so, shape up or ship out, cause you dont need your time feeling so neglected.
    Thanks, having sex on the trip was my goal, but clearly not his. He's had up and down struggles with various little things, but I can't say he can blame them on this. I think we have just both lost interest in each other. Also, with the naked thing. I would have been naked regardless of if he was there, I was with a female friend or alone. I just would have thought he would have complimented me in some form of way (clothed or not) because I did also dress and wear some nice things when we left the house.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Unfortunately you have 2 options. Continue marriage therapy and pray for a miracle, or divorce. However you have a lot more choices that you could do to improve your position and leverage.

    One is stop marriage therapy and start individual therapy for support. At the same time consult an attorney for information and options in the event of divorce.

    Prancing around nude hoping for compliments from a checked out, cold as stone partner is not a viable option. You are going to need to employ effect methods to help you feel happy again.

    Trying to squeeze blood out of a stone will just continue to hurt you as your checked-out husband coasts along like a video-game addicted child.
    Originally Posted by Steph096
    Thanks, having sex on the trip was my goal, but clearly not his. He's had up and down struggles with various little things, but I can't say he can blame them on this. I think we have just both lost interest in each other.

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Prancing around nude hoping for compliments from a checked out, cold as stone partner is not a viable option. You are going to need to employ effect methods to help you feel happy again.
    I donít know how many more times I have to explain. I wasnít nude because of him. Period. I was nude because I wanted to be. Am I upset he didnít acknowledge his beautiful wife? Yeah, I am. But again, my decision to be nude almost the entire trip wasnít for him, it was for me.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    This is specifically what I addressed. Not whether being nude is appropriate or not. Basically who cares? I am not the poster who was judgmental about this. My advice to get an attorney and cease marriage therapy and instead engage in individual therapy stands. This is not a debate on nudity (unless You make it one). It's advice as to your unhappy marriage and checked out husband, which I addressed.
    Originally Posted by Steph096
    Am I upset he didnít acknowledge his beautiful wife? Yeah, I am.

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