Ex battling depression and left

I was with my ex for 2.5 years. We had an amazing relationship filled with many happy times and rarely fighting. We took care of each other and often were talking about a future. She kept she really sees a future with me and kids and so forth. She has been battling severe depression and anxiety for several years after her first divorce which lead her down a dark path. The depression popped up a few times in our relationship and I was always there if she needed anything. I had been reading up on how to be a strong partner and how she feels when she is depressed. She was always thankful that I was there for her if she needed and I was the most supportive person she has ever had in her life. She also had a lot of emotional scaring from that divorce and a couple relationships after it. Always guys would treat her like crap and it would make her feel worse about herself. She then is with me and says it’s the best relationship she’s ever had and I’m all she’s ever wanted. That also scares her because her past is still very present in her life and she thinks I’m just gonna be like those other guys and turn one day and be horrible to her when I never was and never changed who I was. I was always loving and compassionate and always willing to talk. She says she’s never felt more loved in her life. So back to April this year everything is really great and she’s really talking about the future although it scares her a little given past trauma and failures. Then her dad was diagnosed with cancer and she went on this deep downward spiral and got really depressed. She says she loves me but needs some space which I have so she was away a couple months tending to her fathers needs while he recovered. We see eachother in July and she seems fine, do a couple lunch dates but she didn’t want anymore intimate. It’s then she finds out her sister was raped by her husband and May get a divorce. So now she’s back into a deep depression. We has plans to go away in a few weeks but she’s reluctant because of how she feels. She wasn’t the same since finding out her dad had cancer. She then says ok then let’s go away in august the weekend. So we go and she’s ok with it. During the trip we had some great experiences and after sex, she completely breaks down and cries and gets so many things out to me about her sister and past etc. I’m there to listen and holding her and we get through it but she was distant the rest of the trip. I wanted to pay for most of the things on the trip but she kept declining and she wants to pay for what she owes so she doesn’t feel guilty so she kept adding what she should pay me when I said no, you don’t have to. She’s always had this issue of people paying for her. I paid for most of the things and she paid for a couple but she felt guilty she had to pay more and I said no but she sent me money anyway. So a few days pass and she’s distant and then she explodes and says it was embarrassing she had to add the money up and pay attention to all the money spent. I said no I told you not too. So after that fight she didn’t want to talk for days. Seemingly still depressed we finally talk and she says she needs space but didn’t want to break up so I give it. I have her a couple weeks with just checking on her once and a while through text to see if she’s ok since she’s alone a lot. And she was ok and called to see me a few days after the 2 weeks past and she wasn’t the same person. She had said she booked herself a trip to Mexico for a week to get away and clear her mind and asked for more space. So I give it and I messaged her when she got back a week and half later to see how everything was. Sounded like she had fun and I completely trust her and saw some pics on her social media on what she was doing. So we chatted after she got back but only wanted to talk on the surface and nothing deeper that was bothering her. I was asking her to talk to me a few times since the trip to talk about what happened and she refused. So I said ok. So then she said she had to make up her mind on what she wants as far as a future and felt a lot of pressure so ultimately she breaks up with me and says it isn’t what she wants anymore and didn’t give reason why. I felt she made the decision while depressed and of course all the negative thoughts are going through her mind and she’s not thinking about the good ones. Then she says she’s felt that way for a while that she didn’t see a future anymore but I felt the depression robbed her of what she truely felt but I don’t know. I love her and want to help her and be with her but she wants to be alone with no one at the moment. She’s very scared of committing but has said I’m the right person and she will when she’s ready so I’m not sure what to do. We both knew it was the best relationship we’ve ever had and it wasn’t broken but I feel she’s not coming back and wants to be on her own

Sorry to hear this. She is not stable enough for a relationship. She needs a doctor and a therapist, not a bf and a relationship. Why is "her past still very present in her life"?

She sounds like a tragedy queen yet she flies of to Mexico for some undisclosed fun? You need to stay away. She's not stable nor a decent choice for a partner. It's not your job to fix and try to change people.

She has been battling severe depression and anxiety for several years after her first divorce

 

her past is still very present in her life. now she’s back into a deep depression.

 

So a few days pass and she’s distant and then she explodes and says it was embarrassing she had to add the money up and pay attention to all the money spent.

 

she booked herself a trip to Mexico for a week to get away and clear her mind and asked for more space.

Buddy you are convincing yourself that she made a wrong decision while under the influence of *depression * when infact this really was a long time coming from what I can tell . She ended this a long time ago , she just took her time to tell you .

You are not the first to think it is depression that causes someone to end things , it is a very popular thread on here I'm afraid and it is because you want there to be a solid reason why , something to work with , something you want to pass , something she can get over .

She wants to live a single life and as hard as it is you have to walk away and put yourself first .

She needs to be single quite frankly , she needs to get her head sorted out before she brings anyone into the mix , and not to take hope away , but it is usually a fresh person for a fresh start that she will eventually look for .

Sorry for how hard this is for you .

I dont know. I didn’t get a reason. I wasn’t needy or unfaithful or any of those. Maybe she just fell out of love, I don’t know. She felt bad she her life was way out of order and couldn’t be the person she wanted to be for me and kept saying I deserve better and a wife who can give everything to me because at the time she couldn’t. When she gets depressed she pushes people away and says she wants to be alone and feels bad she’s doing this to me like she’s a burden when she isn’t. Idk I will do what I can to stay in touch and hopefully have something again in the future.

Sorry to hear this. She is not stable enough for a relationship. She needs a doctor and a therapist, not a bf and a relationship. Why is "her past still very present in her life"?

 

She sounds like a tragedy queen yet she flies of to Mexico for some undisclosed fun? You need to stay away. She's not stable nor a decent choice for a partner. It's not your job to fix and try to change people.

I felt she kept trying to compare me to past guys like I would eventually be like them. She kept brining up past experiences that caused her pain and trauma. I wanted her to go to therapy to try and get past all that and move forward with her life but i felt it was always holding her back because she couldn’t realize something good was happening with us

She then is with me and says it’s the best relationship she’s ever had and I’m all she’s ever wanted. That also scares her because her past is still very present in her life and she thinks I’m just gonna be like those other guys and turn one day and be horrible to her when I never was and never changed who I was

- IMO, she backed out before she got hurt.. again.

She is full of fear & uncertainty as she is still damaged, as you said.

Sadly, one can only do so much- but if their answer is to just pull away, nothing really we can do.

Sometimes though, you will find when someone is so deeply depressed- it can add up to draining you as well. :(

She needs some time to work on herself- by herself. She needs some prof help as well- to work thru a lot of this.. again, nothing you can do.

She may not be back.. she has a long time of healing & dealing with her problems & depression, by sounds of it.

Leave her be now.. focus on you.. and aim at working on accepting, healing & moving on. None of this has done YOU any good.. you may realize in time.