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Thread: Complicated long term, long distance relationship

  1. #11
    Thank you. I really appreciate your feedback and suggestions.

  2. #12
    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    He has no intention to live with you full time in the foreseeable future. His priorities are to his aging parents and staying in his current home. This means that you either remain in the long distance situation you are in right now or you end this relationship and move on to something more fulfilling.

    Trust your gut instincts about things when they don't seem right. You may not understand the full picture or you may take some time to process things. Slow it down, way down. Put the ring aside somewhere safe. I wouldn't wear it purely because of what it represents. It would be giving in to a fantasy world that you've been addicted to for awhile or have been telling yourself is real but isn't. The idea of living together or getting married is not real. Those are things that you have tried to work towards but it takes two. Get yourself other jewelry. You don't need a partner to wear pretty things.

    Give yourself some time to think about where you see yourself in the future with your new home (congratulations and good for you, by the way). It's exciting to build a home - incredibly stressful too. I'm sure you have a lot on your plate. Your ideas about having someone to share it with you is a bit skewed right now. This person is being very clear he's not open to full time living with you and his family comes first. Take everything he says with a grain of salt from now onwards (all the lovey dovey things) and try and manage those expectations about marriage and living together. It may not be now or ever. What you do have however is your health and your home and all the things you're doing for yourself. Don't lose heart so easily over one man.

    Thank you. I really appreciate your feedback and suggestions. :)

  3. #13
    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    20 years.

    That is an awfully long time to not have progressed in your relationship.

    Have you met other members of his family? His children? I feel like the answer should be obvious after 2 decades, but your post leaves me wondering just how excluded you are from his life.
    Yes, I have met his kids and his sister. We have taken our kids on multiple camping and family trips over the years. Iíve met his sister and even his ex wife. His parents are just old school and will never be open to accepting me or his choice to get divorced.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    Not quite understanding all this OP.

    "I suspect he doesnít want to even talk about marriage until his parents pass away, since they are not accepting of the relationship"

    Well the family don't seem to like HIM much either, if this is anything to go by.

    "They have a strained relationship and often donít speak to him or include him in family activities. It is hurtful, but he is very concerned about their health and has to force himself into the picture even when his mother continues to shun him. Never wants to rock the boat.
    "


    I am appalled that you have wasted twenty years of your life on this hopeless situation. U
    You remark you feel " feeling insecure and not worthy" "Never wants to rock the boat" aka "sits on the fence" and knows you will trail along anyhow. This is dreadful OP. And long distance into the bargain. In what way is he a "loving person" if he has strung you along for two decades?

    Btw what exactly is it about you that the parents find so unacceptable? Were you by any chance in the picture when he separated from his wife? Just wondering.

    You are receiving good advice here OP. So, what are you going to do?

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