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Thread: I feel like sex is all I have to offer because guys mainly seek me for this

  1. #1
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    I feel like sex is all I have to offer because guys mainly seek me for this

    I'm in my early 20s and am absolutely fed up with the way my male peers treat and look at me. I've only been with one guy in my entire life but before and after our relationship, I was always ogled, groped, and treated like a sex object.

    I never understood why guys would perceive me this way because I am incredibly shy and introverted. People mainly describe me as shy and sweet as well because of my youthful appearance. Ironically, guys my age and older will sometimes lead me on after socializing with them by asking to pick me up to their apartments, go out on dates, and eventually spend time with them to have sex after. Sitting next to them, they'll blatantly put their hands on my hips, insert their hands in my hoodie pockets, or try to feel me up whenever they ask for a hug.

    I never lead them on in any way. I just engage with them with politeness, friendliness, and kindness. I use a lot of empathy and give my full attention when talking to them. Almost like a "therapist" but only because I genuinely want to get to know them and be a good listener. However, they'll later turn these interactions into something sexual or flirtatious. I want to be a b*tch to them but that's not who I am.

    I've been internalizing these persistent experiences for a couple of years. Also come to the realization if sex is something I should start having since its all they want from me in the end. I only want to lose it in a committed relationship but I'm afraid the guy will bounce after I give it to him or worst, stick around solely for that.

    Escorting and porn is extreme; although I've kind of thought about it. Still goes against my beliefs though. Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #2
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    It says something about the men you are meeting, not you. It's a shame men can't behave better than this.

    If someone isn't respecting your space or is getting too 'touchy feely' too early on, call him on it...it's your body! You have every right to say "look, I think you're going too fast".
    And putting a stop to it then and there.
    If he doesn't respect that and get's upset, then it's more proof that he's not the guy for you.

    Escorting and porn is extreme; although I've kind of thought about it.
    If you truly are introverted and shy and only want one man...why on earth would you ever consider degrading yourself like this?
    The world is full of corruption, don't let it convince you to be a part of it.

    You won't be loved more or accepted more by doing as others want you to do and losing all your morals and dignity completely.

  3. #3
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    The common denominator is you -sounds like you're giving off a "too nice" vibe - you don't sound shy and introverted at all -it sounds like you act too familiar too fast with men you don't know well in the name of "empathy". You're not supposed to get to know someone by acting like their therapist. Because you are not their therapist -and that's really one sided - do you want the guy to try to get you to share your innermost thoughts and issues and problems when you first meet?
    There's a simple solution here -it's called "no" -said directly and firmly and politely the very first time someone crosses inappropriate boundaries. Don't be "sweet" - be politely assertive in your tone and manner and body language. You're a person not a kitten.
    Don't be a "witch' with a b - that's just being mean. Find your voice and find your assertive, confident voice and remain polite but firm.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    If all of us simply resorted to being what others think of us instead of being what we really are or want to be, there'd be a lot of spinelessness and overall wishy washy people who have lost themselves. I'd encourage you to keep searching for better versions of who/what you want to be and what you want to do with your life. Every single choice you make from what you choose to watch in your free time to the people you choose to be around or what you choose to say, think, plan, do all affect what you become in the future.

    I'd challenge you to be more honest and forthcoming with yourself and own your own choices - the people you choose to be around and the way you behave around those people. Taking ownership of yourself doesn't mean being a b-tch. Don't mistake assertiveness for being b-itchy.

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  6. 10-03-2020, 08:09 PM

  7. #5
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Perhaps you're meeting these guys at all the wrong places. Where do you find them? Narrow and whittle down your search. You are dating guys and boys, not real men and gentlemen.

    How are you dressed? Do you dress provocatively?

    If you want to attract a certain type of honorable man, dress modestly yet you can still remain fashionable.

    Don't be too empathetic otherwise your message is misconstrued as too forward. Remain more mysterious because mystery gives you allure. Don't make yourself too available.

    If you don't feel safe, try group dates instead. Put yourself in group type settings. Don't be left alone with a guy. Guys tend to behave when witnesses abound.

    Don't sell yourself cheap. Don't resort to escorting and porn. Beware of date rape and there are weirdos out there who are actually creepy and dangerous.

    Be smart and if you want to be treated like a lady, act like one.

    If you're a nice girl, go where the nice guys are. You're attracting the wrong type of guys.

  8. #6
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    It says something about the men you are meeting, not you. It's a shame men can't behave better than this.

    If someone isn't respecting your space or is getting too 'touchy feely' too early on, call him on it...it's your body! You have every right to say "look, I think you're going too fast".
    And putting a stop to it then and there.
    If he doesn't respect that and get's upset, then it's more proof that he's not the guy for you.


    If you truly are introverted and shy and only want one man...why on earth would you ever consider degrading yourself like this?
    The world is full of corruption, don't let it convince you to be a part of it.

    You won't be loved more or accepted more by doing as others want you to do and losing all your morals and dignity completely.
    I am naturally very shy and introverted. I would never actually go into porn or work the sex industry. I only came up with this thought due to the way guys talk about my body.

  9. #7
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    @Lambert Never going to be an escort. But due to the way guys ogle and continuously comment on my body shape, they make me feel like my body is all I have to offer.

    If you think I'm being a "troll", that's on you. I've only been with one guy my entire life and I'm still very young.

  10. #8
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    Originally Posted by Cherylyn
    Perhaps you're meeting these guys at all the wrong places. Where do you find them? Narrow and whittle down your search. You are dating guys and boys, not real men and gentlemen.

    How are you dressed? Do you dress provocatively?

    If you want to attract a certain type of honorable man, dress modestly yet you can still remain fashionable.

    Don't be too empathetic otherwise your message is misconstrued as too forward. Remain more mysterious because mystery gives you allure. Don't make yourself too available.

    If you don't feel safe, try group dates instead. Put yourself in group type settings. Don't be left alone with a guy. Guys tend to behave when witnesses abound.

    Don't sell yourself cheap. Don't resort to escorting and porn. Beware of date rape and there are weirdos out there who are actually creepy and dangerous.

    Be smart and if you want to be treated like a lady, act like one.

    If you're a nice girl, go where the nice guys are. You're attracting the wrong type of guys.
    I'm in college and that's where I meet them. But also everywhere else when they randomly approach me. I don't know why some people find it hard to believe that college guys in their late teens/early-mid twenties aren't always trying to hook up or have casual sex. Even the "nice ones" will eventually try to steer conversations or interactions to that.

    These guys will initially tell me that I'm a great listener, easy to talk to, and very sweet and kind. They'll shake my hand in greetings and we talk like normal people. Then after they start to get comfortable, they'll ask for my number or hang out. Before you know it, they're already asking "do you have a boyfriend" or "you have a nice body and you're hella cute, let's go out sometime". And they always mention sex or wanting to do it eventually.

    I dress very casual. Like a cute/comfy tomboy. Sneakers, jeans, blouses, leggings, and fitted outfits but not anything revealing. Pretty much how the average 20 something year old dresses.

  11. #9
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    At this point...its you.
    Don't go back to a guy's apartment and plop yourself on the couch on a first date if you don't want to sleep with them. Some women with more confidence and stronger personalities - they could keep it at the kitchen table over dessert or coffee and nothing would happen - but just to be on the safe side -- keep first dates coffee, ice ceam, or some situation where you will leave separately and not go home together. The you can have a better read on whether you want to continue dating and if its just about sex.

    If someone guy says "you have a great body, let's go out", you turn him down. If you get to know a guy in class or through a civic group and he invites you to coffee so you can continue the conversation - that sounds a lot better! You reap what you sow. DOn't go out with randos

  12. #10
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    The common denominator is you -sounds like you're giving off a "too nice" vibe - you don't sound shy and introverted at all -it sounds like you act too familiar too fast with men you don't know well in the name of "empathy". You're not supposed to get to know someone by acting like their therapist. Because you are not their therapist -and that's really one sided - do you want the guy to try to get you to share your innermost thoughts and issues and problems when you first meet?
    There's a simple solution here -it's called "no" -said directly and firmly and politely the very first time someone crosses inappropriate boundaries. Don't be "sweet" - be politely assertive in your tone and manner and body language. You're a person not a kitten.
    Don't be a "witch' with a b - that's just being mean. Find your voice and find your assertive, confident voice and remain polite but firm.
    It's weird because I'm very assertive in other situations and interactions EXCEPT guys. Besides my shyness, I can speak up and be direct when I want something ie, school, work, family, medical, or anything within a professional environment. But my sole interactions with men, I'm too awkward and naive. They make me nervous sometimes yet I still try to be polite and friendly.

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