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Thread: I feel like sex is all I have to offer because guys mainly seek me for this

  1. #21
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ElectricLove
    I just engage with them with politeness, friendliness, and kindness. I use a lot of empathy and give my full attention when talking to them. Almost like a "therapist" but only because I genuinely want to get to know them and be a good listener. However, they'll later turn these interactions into something sexual or flirtatious. I want to be a b*tch to them but that's not who I am.
    As someone who was hooted and hollered at by random men since she was 12 years old (ughh :|), I do sympathize with some of your feelings. But I think your thought process is limited and unfair.

    You need to be more selective with the kind of guy you are devoting your energy towards.

    Have you no male friends?

    Every guy doesn't deserve to have you as a 'therapist.' Slow down and evaluate the kind of person that you are talking to before you put all of this effort into them.

    Your have many more options at hand than 'therapist' or 'b*tch.' Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #22
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Know that you're always in the driver's seat. Make a must-have list and a dealbreaker list on what you want in a man and stick to it. If a guy touches you without getting signals from you that that's okay, leave his presence. He's not worthy of you nor worth your time. Realize that being "kind" in every situation is not being kind to yourself, if you stick around when someone says something inappropriate to you. Learn to see the red flags early on and make your exit when someone exhibits them.

    Of course, a guy who wants to date you and finds you attractive will always have sex on his mind. However, a decent guy who wants a longterm relationship versus one and done will also want to get to know YOU. He will ask you for get togethers that don't have making out as the goal at the beginning. He will not bring up sexual topics. He won't schmooze you with numerous comments about your body and looks, etc.

    So don't go to your home or his until you are ready to sleep with someone. Meet in public places until you establish a comfort level and when you determine he's a decent person who you want to go further with.

    You're the treasure, and if someone doesn't treat you as one, it's okay to let them know they're not allowed on the bus. And then you close the door and drive away.

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    At this point...its you.
    Don't go back to a guy's apartment and plop yourself on the couch on a first date if you don't want to sleep with them. Some women with more confidence and stronger personalities - they could keep it at the kitchen table over dessert or coffee and nothing would happen - but just to be on the safe side -- keep first dates coffee, ice ceam, or some situation where you will leave separately and not go home together. The you can have a better read on whether you want to continue dating and if its just about sex.

    If someone guy says "you have a great body, let's go out", you turn him down. If you get to know a guy in class or through a civic group and he invites you to coffee so you can continue the conversation - that sounds a lot better! You reap what you sow. DOn't go out with randos
    I've never been alone with a guy in his apartment. It only occurred when we'd hang out during the day with other friends but I'd leave with my them as well. My intuition always told me that staying with a guy at night would potentially lead to sex or hook ups. I've only spent late nights with my ex. After we broke up, there was a period where I thought about engaging in casual sex. But never did because I know I could never handle it emotionally.

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Yes boundaries are important. Sure there are some horn dogs you'll meet in college. However why are you playing therapist and close enough to be groped?

    Social distancing is not just for covid, it's common sense. You don't have to have sex with anyone.

    If you are afraid of men or sex, take your time. It's ok to be friends with guys it's ok to date.
    I've set previous boundaries but I feel like some guys never care because they view me as a physically "weak" person they can do anything with. Most of them are generally always taller than me without even trying (I'm 5'4). They'll hover over me, mimic my body language, and playfully touch me when they say hi or walk by.

    The groping happens when I'm alone which makes me feel like trash. One time when I was walking on campus, a guy near me said hi to me and smiled. I kindly responded back and continued walking. Then suddenly after, he slowly came close up behind me and smacked my butt. Smiled again and said "well I'll see you around".

    With "playing therapist", it mainly has to do with the way I listen and engage with them during conversations. They say I always make them feel comfortable and relaxed. I'm pretty laid back so that could be why. Although they'll sometimes mistaken politeness with flirtation. Hand shaking and eye contact has given some the wrong idea.

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Report this type of thing to campus security. Avoid walking alone at night.
    Originally Posted by ElectricLove
    I
    The groping happens when I'm alone which makes me feel like trash. One time when I was walking on campus, a guy near me said hi to me and smiled. I kindly responded back and continued walking. Then suddenly after, he slowly came close up behind me and smacked my butt. Smiled again and said "well I'll see you around".

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by Jibralta
    As someone who was hooted and hollered at by random men since she was 12 years old (ughh :|), I do sympathize with some of your feelings. But I think your thought process is limited and unfair.

    You need to be more selective with the kind of guy you are devoting your energy towards.

    Have you no male friends?

    Every guy doesn't deserve to have you as a 'therapist.' Slow down and evaluate the kind of person that you are talking to before you put all of this effort into them.

    Your have many more options at hand than 'therapist' or 'b*tch.'
    Girl same😭
    The inappropriate honking makes us put up a wall when we're out in public. It's why I mainly always wear my earphones and walk a little fast. People would say "you need to smile more" but that's just me trying to prevent someone from talking to me.

    I have a few guy friends but they treat me like a normal person so these complaints don't apply to them. The therapist thing mainly comes from how I'm attentive and non- judging during the initial talking stages. But you're right, I need to work on setting more boundaries. I feel like I already have in the past but with more practice now.

  8. #27
    Gold Member LikeWater's Avatar
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    I think you're too nice and don't know how to assert yourself when you really need to. Anyone that smacks your butt, and it's not welcomed, deserves some backlash from you. You say you set boundaries but this happens and you may as well have told him, "thanks, do that everytime I walk by!" Make it very clear to people that what they're doing is unacceptable and you won't allow it.

    But something seems weird here. Even the hottest girls I've ever known didn't attract this much unwanted attention.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    What Wiseman said. Report these matters to campus security.

    It has nothing to do with your physical build or height.

    You remark:

    "Hand shaking and eye contact has given some the wrong idea."

    This makes no sense. It is usual to make eye contact when greeting someone, as in shaking hands. How on earth would that give someone the "wrong idea".

    I agree with you LikeWater:

    "But something seems weird here. "

    Wht exactly do you mean here OP:

    "Escorting and porn is extreme; although I've kind of thought about it. Still goes against my beliefs though."

  10. #29
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    Originally Posted by LaHermes
    What Wiseman said. Report these matters to campus security.

    It has nothing to do with your physical build or height.

    You remark:

    "Hand shaking and eye contact has given some the wrong idea."

    This makes no sense. It is usual to make eye contact when greeting someone, as in shaking hands. How on earth would that give someone the "wrong idea".

    I agree with you LikeWater:

    "But something seems weird here. "

    Wht exactly do you mean here OP:

    "Escorting and porn is extreme; although I've kind of thought about it. Still goes against my beliefs though."
    Some guys would assume that I was interested because I being polite and friendly. They act is if it's impossible to talk with the opposite sex. I'm going to be blunt and say that not all guys are fully capable of being friends with girls that are physically or sexually attractive.

    Before Covid, a guy from one of my classes approached me and said hi. Initially, I rolled my eyes at him. Later, he said hi again and I apologized. He would respectfully compliment me in the beginning but I'd just thank him and keep it moving. I thought we'd just be platonic acquaintances. A month later, he started to ask me out and mentioned how he likes me when all we had was casual small talk. Never flirted with him in anyway. I just treated him like a normal person with respect.

  11. #30
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Report this type of thing to campus security. Avoid walking alone at night.
    I felt embarrassed and insecure so I kept it to myself at the time. I should've reported it.

    It happened in broad daylight which made it even worse. A stupid part of me felt like they'll just downplay it and say "maybe it's what you're wearing". People would justify this kind of behavior in the past when I'd mention it.

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