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Thread: Betrayed by family

  1. #1
    Silver Member NIN2000's Avatar
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    Betrayed by family

    A few months ago I finalized my estate planning and legally made my brother sole inheritor of all my assets -in the event of my death.

    Recently I suffered a disaster. My home is basically condemned and my home owners insurance company is in the process paying for all damages. However, unable to live in my home, I naturally called my brother, explained the situation and asked him if I could temporarily (3-4 months) live at his house, as my home undergoes massive reconstruction.

    My brother and are both single, we have no kids or pets. He lives in a 5 bedroom 3 acre home.

    I explained the desperation of my situation to my brother over the phone. I then asked if I could live with -temporarily. The line went silent for over 30 seconds. I then asked if he was on the line and inquired if he heard me? He acknowledged that he heard everything and remained silent.

    I was stunned.

    Finally, after a full minute of silence he stated that he needed to think about it. Weeks have gone by and he never called, texted or provided an answer.

    Im devastated by his actions; never in my wildest dreams did I expect him to be so cold.

    Our parents are deceased and he is all the family I have (and vice-versa).

    I learned in life that no one changes anyone and this behavior most likely has always been there but out of love, mostly likely I failed to see it.

    As of today, my net worth surpassed $2 million in assets. However as a result of the above Im thinking of altering my will -leaving him $500,000.

    The remainder I will donate to a charity of my choice. If and when I pass away, I will leave this world at peace knowing that I left him some of my wealth -in the end hes still my brother and I love- but will feel better leaving the bulk of wealth to charities which I believe will make a positive impact on others lives.

    What do you think?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    I'm in a similar situation, where I honestly thought my brother would always have my back and that I could count on him and that he truly cared.
    Not the case.

    Harsh truths are not easy to swallow. But I suppose it's better to be realistic, than to kid yourself. Even if someone is related to you, that doesn't mean they deserve to be in your life, especially if they are treating you badly.
    You deserve better than this. Consider if he was a friend, would you keep him as a friend? Relatives should be given the same consideration. If they aren't treating you as good as you would treat them, then let them go.

    I think your money would be much better spent on charities. So many deserving people who are seriously struggling. The way you described your brothers situation, he's not financially struggling and he's not treating you right.
    I'm not sure he even deserves anything, but that's entirely up to you.

    I am sorry, NIN, you deserve better. I know what it feels like to have your own family turn their back on you, even more so when you really did think they loved you like you did them.
    It's a very sad thing to accept.

    But you still deserve better and I wouldn't reward someone who treats you that way, related or not.

  3. #3
    Silver Member NIN2000's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    I'm in a similar situation, where I honestly thought my brother would always have my back and that I could count on him and that he truly cared.
    Not the case.

    Harsh truths are not easy to swallow. But I suppose it's better to be realistic, than to kid yourself. Even if someone is related to you, that doesn't mean they deserve to be in your life, especially if they are treating you badly.
    You deserve better than this. Consider if he was a friend, would you keep him as a friend? Relatives should be given the same consideration. If they aren't treating you as good as you would treat them, then let them go.

    I think your money would be much better spent on charities. So many deserving people who are seriously struggling. The way you described your brothers situation, he's not financially struggling and he's not treating you right.
    I'm not sure he even deserves anything, but that's entirely up to you.

    I am sorry, NIN, you deserve better. I know what it feels like to have your own family turn their back on you, even more so when you really did think they loved you like you did them.
    It's a very sad thing to accept.

    But you still deserve better and I wouldn't reward someone who treats you that way, related or not.
    Thank you for your response. The more I think about it, the more I conclude that you are correct. However, no doubt, if they were alive my parents would be devastated over all of this. I would like to think that they raised us better and in their memory I refuse to counter his actions with his own medicine. Perhaps $500,000 is too much. Ill drop it to $100,000.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    When the going gets tough and you need support, either physically or emotionally, you find out who comes through and who doesn't. I know that I've often received emotional support more often from friends, whereas many of the relatives, who I expected even the minimum from, totally failed in that area.

    I laugh at the thought of a sign that my friend used to have hanging on her front door: Welcome, Friends. Relatives by appointment only.

    It's your money, so do whatever feels right to you.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    That made me smile too, Andrina.

    "my friend used to have hanging on her front door: Welcome, Friends. Relatives by appointment only.
    "

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I'm sorry to hear about your home and this issue with your brother. Change the will if it makes you feel better. Yes, it's your money so do with it as you please. He may kick the bucket first and never know either way. You can make all the grand plans in the universe and they will not pan out the way you want it to. It's best not to form too close an attachment to your money - you'll be six feet under anyway. Is it really worth worrying about so badly? I think if there are charities that you feel very passionate about, do shift the focus and donate more. My point either way is using your money to vindicate yourself or take revenge on your brother's behaviour towards you from beyond the grave just means that you're shifting that focus to remaining bitter. Why should you allow yourself to live the rest of your days like this?

    Take time to grieve and feel bad if you need to feel bad or sad about how things have turned out with your brother. Deal with the will issue as an entirely separate matter and one where you would like to do more good in the world by donating to charities for instance. Keep the two issues separate.

    Hope you feel better soon and you're okay after what's happened with your home.

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    Wow! I am so sorry. That is awful.

    I suggest that you seek a month-to-month apartment. I also suggest that you remove him from your will and give the money to friends and charity. Give it to people who are there, and deserving.

    The man is not family.

  9. #8
    Forum Supporter Fudgie's Avatar
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    500k? Ha, don't leave him a dime.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    My brother was worth a few million bucks. He left me $50K and each of my 2 kids got $100K. His girlfriend got the rest plus his house and car, tho she cant drive.

    He showed his true colours in the end, and also it was his money to disperse as he pleased. So I am happy I got 50 grand, and my kids got double that, but I did think he was pretty cheap to his only sibling. I'm over it, no point being angry or feeling bad.

    You should do as you please with your money. Give it all to charity if you want. If it was me, I would not leave your brother a dime. He showed who he is.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. What happened with the house? Use the money to rent a house/condo/apt for the time your home is being repaired. Why leave him anything? If he is your next of kin, he would inherit everything anyway unless you state otherwise, as you have, in your will.

    You can make anyone you want beneficiaries and donate whatever you wish to whatever causes you want to. If you know special people or special charities, rewrite your will. A codicil leaving him less may make you feel better for a few seconds, but it won't solve the problem of accommodations you need right now. See if your insurance covers alternate accommodations.

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