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Thread: Betrayed by family

  1. #11
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    I try to be careful about how I frame things for myself before knee-jerking myself into injury--especially with loved ones.

    Given your wealth, or not, my first priority would be to avoid imposing on my sister for up to a quarter YEAR, by considering all possible alternatives. It's one thing to be inconvenienced and simply assume that my sister wouldn't mind being inconvenienced with me, and it's quite another to be in dire straights with no possible options beyond sheltering at the Y or camping in my back yard. (Which, actually, might be options I'd consider before learning whether someone might OFFER me alternatives instead of assuming that they 'should'.)

    I don't know what I don't know. What if my sis has a lifestyle that I don't know about, and she'd be hard pressed to curb it or clean it up in my presence? What if I can't conceive of her reasons for not wanting a houseguest for MONTHS, yet I can respect that she may have some?

    What's the point in using my wealth as punitive punishment against a loved one without having considered ways to resolve my own problem with it, such as taking up a quarter year rental before imposing on anyone else?

    While money can't buy happiness, I'd at least challenge that adage by being more creative with my wealth rather than resort to holding grudges with it. Otherwise, it's wasted, IMO.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    What Holly said:

    "I also suggest that you remove him from your will and give the money to friends and charity. Give it to people who are there, and deserving.

    The man is not family."

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    I'm sorry you lost your home. But encouraged that you are in a position to take care of yourself. Many are not that lucky.

    In your shoes, I would find a furnished apartment. Google corporate housing in your area. its usually for recently relocated professionals.

    I would change my will. you are under no obligation to your sibling. I don't know why anyone would expect their sibling to leave them anything other than family items.

    I certainly don't expect anything from my siblings and I don't plan to leave them anything other than family things (not cash or my own assets).

    to be disappointed in what someone chooses to gift you, rather explains why you probably weren't left more. Its disgusting to think anyone owes you anything regardless of how much they have. unless of course you are their underage child.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    I don't see it as 'bitter' to change your will, I see it more as sensible in taking back and upholding your own value and worth by not rewarding those who do not treat you as good as you would treat them.

    You deserved better than this, and you know you did. In hard times, decent family should be there for you. Your brother showed you just how much he cares about you and your well being.

    That truly is a shame. In my opinion, that's not family, that's not even a friend.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by catfeeder
    I try to be careful about how I frame things for myself before knee-jerking myself into injury--especially with loved ones.

    Given your wealth, or not, my first priority would be to avoid imposing on my sister for up to a quarter YEAR, by considering all possible alternatives. It's one thing to be inconvenienced and simply assume that my sister wouldn't mind being inconvenienced with me, and it's quite another to be in dire straights with no possible options beyond sheltering at the Y or camping in my back yard. (Which, actually, might be options I'd consider before learning whether someone might OFFER me alternatives instead of assuming that they 'should'.)

    I don't know what I don't know. What if my sis has a lifestyle that I don't know about, and she'd be hard pressed to curb it or clean it up in my presence? What if I can't conceive of her reasons for not wanting a houseguest for MONTHS, yet I can respect that she may have some?

    What's the point in using my wealth as punitive punishment against a loved one without having considered ways to resolve my own problem with it, such as taking up a quarter year rental before imposing on anyone else?

    While money can't buy happiness, I'd at least challenge that adage by being more creative with my wealth rather than resort to holding grudges with it. Otherwise, it's wasted, IMO.
    Agree.

    Life is far too short to make so many assumptions about what someone else is especially when that person is simply not there. Use the money elsewhere creatively and ditch all those negative emotions. In the end the only person it hurts is you. Onwards.

  7. #16
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    I would have asked if you could stay for a week until you are able to find a place. And if once you were there, he invited you to stay longer, then great.
    He may be single, but you don't know - he could be getting serious about someone or a girlfriend "practically lives there".
    Because you will leave money to your brother which could be 40-70 years from now and he could die first does not OBLIGATE HIM to have you as a roomie.

    I am an introvert and would be overwhelmed by someone suddenly living with me. usually 3-4 months is code for never leaving.
    Yes, i would have to think about it.

    Brother may also be confused - because you have the money you have, you don't really *need* his help. If you were living hand to mouth, i get it, bro would be being a bit of a jerk, but you are well off, dude. you should be using your money as your parachute. If you have $2 million dollars, you can afford to put yourself up and have insurance reimburse you.


    But he didn't say "NO" he said HE NEEDS TO THINK ABOUT IT.

    Where are you now? I bet you are not living in a van.

  8. #17
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    BTW, do you talk to your brother often, not just when you want something? Do you have a close relationship?

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Change you will. Don't allow your brother to inherit a penny of your will. $500,000 is out of the question. Make that ZERO. Donate your money and entire estate to charity or charities of your choice. Donate your money and estate to people who will appreciate and put your money to good use.

    Your brother demonstrated his true despicable character to you and this is your wake up call. He's not a real brother. Unfortunately, I've known people reminiscent of your brother. You can never trust people who've showed their true colors to you. Beware. Watch your back.

    Your brother's actions spoke louder than words. He doesn't love nor care for you so return the favor and exit him from your will entirely!

  10. #19
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    I'm sorry. That would hurt my feelings a lot if my brother did that.
    Are the two of you close?
    You should do what you want with your money but remember, when under strong emotion is not the best time to be making major financial decisions.
    Have you spoken since all this?

  11. #20
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    Originally Posted by Cherylyn
    Change you will. Don't allow your brother to inherit a penny of your will. $500,000 is out of the question. Make that ZERO. Donate your money and entire estate to charity or charities of your choice. Donate your money and estate to people who will appreciate and put your money to good use.

    Your brother demonstrated his true despicable character to you and this is your wake up call. He's not a real brother. Unfortunately, I've known people reminiscent of your brother. You can never trust people who've showed their true colors to you. Beware. Watch your back.

    Your brother's actions spoke louder than words. He doesn't love nor care for you so return the favor and exit him from your will entirely!
    I love my siblings, but I am not prepared to take them in at a moment's notice. For a night or two, yes, but not 1/4 of a year.
    The brother said he would think about it, and the OP never called him back so maybe the brother thought the OP found another solution.
    What we don't know is if the OP is a serial imposer or not or what their history is.

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