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Thread: I don't trust his single friends

  1. #1

    I don't trust his single friends

    Hi there , I'm new to this . I'm currently in a long term relationship with an amazing guy. How ever . I've had trust issues ever since we started dating. My paranoia and insecurities is overclouding things but at the same time I just want to ask advice on something over this platform. It would be helpful for me as an individual.

    My bf and his friend , let's name the friend Tom. Tom is very close friend with my bf. Before my bf knew me , he was one for parties , girls and drinking alcohol. Tom has met me a few times but I am not friends with him. Tom is a rich guy, has cars , into lots of girls and going out to nightclubs and bars is his thing. Tom is 20 years old by the way. My bf seems to have this pull towards Tom. Tom has this social status so anything he does my bf adores.

    However , I personally do not trust Tom. Once when I asked for space from my bf , my bf told me that Tom wanted to bring a girl for him. Another time , my bf lied to me about who was with. First he claimed he was chilling on the beach with Tom. Next thing I see a video of my bf chilling on the beach with three other girls who he claimed he didnt know were going to be there. (The 3 girls were in the car when Tom picked my bf up btw). That situation made me cry for 4 days straight. I felt my bf was lying to me.

    Another situation that happened last week was that Tom uploaded videos of him at the nightclub. I video called my bf just to see if he was with Tom because I became paranoid. He was not with him but he seemed irritated by me.

    Today Tom invited my bf to come to another night club. My bf told me about it. I told him he must do whatever he wants. Bf claims it's a restaurant , sent me pics of it but I could clearly see there stand nightclub. My bf told me his going to rather chill at home. But now I'm thinking is he maybe lying to me about that?

    Theres so much more to this story. I just feel like tom is a bad influence and that sooner or later he will influence my bf to cheat on me. Tom is always around so many girls and it just makes me angry when I think of his disrespectful his being towards my relationship by asking bf to come with him to night clubs. At the same time , my bf has lied to me a few times, sometimes to reassure me or to ensure that our values match(I dont drink or smoke, my bf used to but claims he stopped all that)

    Please help me. I dont know if I should rather break up or continue this relationship? I feel like everything is falling apart. I try to trust but in the past my ex also cheated on me. I know how the club environment can get aswell as guys in large groups who are all single wanting to get a girl for the night.

    Any advice would be helpful. Advice such as what I should do? Advice on something that you have also been through that's similiar to mine? Thanks in advance

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. What was the breakup/space about? it's odd you blame 'Tom' for all this when your bf is the one who can't be trusted.

    It's time to breakup with him for good if he's going out to clubs without you, lying, breaking up, needing 'space' etc. Why allow this drama in your life. With or without 'Tom', your bf is a snake.
    Originally Posted by ThatGirl27
    Once when I asked for space from my bf , my bf told me that Tom wanted to bring a girl for him. Another time , my bf lied to me about who was with. First he claimed he was chilling on the beach with Tom. Next thing I see a video of my bf chilling on the beach with three other girls who he claimed he didnt know were going to be there

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    You basically don't trust your boyfriend. Your boyfriend should be loyal to you regardless of who he is with or what he is doing. So your distrust is misplaced. Even if Tom is a bad influence, your boyfriend should be his own man that owns all his actions.

    The bigger problem is your own insecurities and low self esteem. until you address and resolve these issues all your experiences will repeat.

    Why are you with a guy that lies to you in the first place?

  4. #4
    I was the one that needed space . Then Tom went to bf and asked him must he bring a girl over

    I dont think boyfriend is a snake , but love can be blind.

    My boyfriend stated that I need to trust him more and he will always be patient with me and all that but maybe he just wants to be with me because I'm not the party type? So he has me but then behind my back his with his single friends to enjoy the night. (This is just me making up scenarios)

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  6. #5
    Yes , I acknowledge fully that I still have alot to work with on my self esteem and confidence. The cycle will always continue . Loyalty is such a strong word. Sometimes I think it's never possible to be loyal to one person. I've seem so many relationships fall apart due to lying, cheating , flirting online, etc

    Maybe I am scared of being alone? Maybe because his a great guy I will feel I regret letting him go. His the only guy who has put in effort to take me out and spoil me and treat me well. But now recently after I asked for space he seems to be lying. Maybe eventually he will cheat on me due to my mixed feelings of being with him .

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ThatGirl27
    Yes , I acknowledge fully that I still have alot to work with on my self esteem and confidence. The cycle will always continue . Loyalty is such a strong word. Sometimes I think it's never possible to be loyal to one person. I've seem so many relationships fall apart due to lying, cheating , flirting online, etc

    Maybe I am scared of being alone? Maybe because his a great guy I will feel I regret letting him go. His the only guy who has put in effort to take me out and spoil me and treat me well. But now recently after I asked for space he seems to be lying. Maybe eventually he will cheat on me due to my mixed feelings of being with him .
    Well.... then this is a self fulfilled profiecy... if you believe loyalty is asking too much then you are doing just that... asking for the impossible. which by the way is total BS. Its completely possible.

    You are scared to be alone, if you accept poor behavior over it. This isn't rocket science.

    how great of a guy is a guy that makes you cry for four days? Or that you jerk around just as much by asking for space?

    Effort and spoiling you seems like a very little price to pay. as anyone can give these things. honesty, loyalty, love, understanding, compassion these are the expensive things someone special gives.

    Sounds like you need to raise your standards and probably take a look at your own selfishness.

  8. #7
    When I asked for space I didnt go around with other people. That's not how I was raised . Dont get it twisted.

    You have good points though. Thank you

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    How long have you been dating? Why did you need space? Not all relationships are filled with this much turmoil. It will get better when you get away from these types of guys.
    Originally Posted by ThatGirl27
    When I asked for space I didnt go around with other people.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ThatGirl27
    When I asked for space I didnt go around with other people. That's not how I was raised . Dont get it twisted.

    You have good points though. Thank you
    I didn't mean to imply you are a cheat. But healthy happy relationships don't require space. I think all people need time to themselves but to me, that is not the same thing.

    Asking for space to evaluate one's feelings for their partner is jerking the person around. You're basically building insecurity into the relationship, which would cause a healthy person to question you.

    Seems a little game playing.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member SooSad33's Avatar
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    Your BF should be respectful & appreciating YOU.
    Not do these games with his guy friend, Tom.. but have a mind of his own.. IF he is not that into you, he does not deserve you.

    IF he is lying, is because he knows how you will react... but still wants to hang with Tom.

    If you feel Tom is a bad influence and your Bf does cheat on you- Is HIS own choice...

    Advice? If you feel that you just cannot TRUST your Bf, then is best to end it. IF he is still into that 'thrill' of a player, he does not deserve you or anyone.. unless or until he calms his hormones down a bit & grows up!

    You done with this?

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