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Thread: Relationship rebound

  1. #1

    Relationship rebound

    Ok girls, so I have been in a relationship for 10 years, since I was 17 years old. 7 years very good and then it just got into a routine.
    I can say I am 70% happy, but there are things I can identify that are missing from the relationship.
    We are not engaged, we donít have kids or live together but we were looking at houses. A year ago he said to me he wasnít sure I was the one for him and we had a break- but after 6 weeks we got back together. Nothing has improved from getting back together.

    I went out for a few drinks with the girls 5 weeks ago and ended up speaking to this guy- I donít usually show any interest in guys at all or even give them the time of day but there was something about this guy. We spoke a little that night and I gave him my number.

    The next day I asked my boyfriend to go on a break as I was taken back by this guy I met last night and it isnít fair if I felt that way.

    Soooo... I met the guy from the night out and we went for drinks a couple of times- got to know each other a little better and ended up sleeping with him. Since we have seen quite a lot of each other and I can say I am feelings things I havenít felt in a long time, equally he offers the things I am missing from my long term partner. The only problem is, he has never been in a long term relationship and Iím scared he might end up breaking my heart. We have been quite open and he says he sees a future with me too.

    My ex is still on the scene as he is asking for another chance to prove he loves me and I went for a meal with him last night and I feel nothing towards him which is terrible as Iíve been with him so long. He kissed me and I was just thinking about this new guy the whole time!!

    I really donít want to tell my ex whatís happening because it will destroy him and I still love him not to want to hurt his feelings, but how do I progress??

    Do I progress with the new guy because he seems to be the perfect package?
    Is this guy a rebound?
    Am I not giving my ex a fair chance?

    Helpp!!

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It seems you are cheating and your bf suddenly became an "ex" when you met this guy. Stop the torture. Just end it with the bf/"ex". He'll get over it. He doesn't think you're the one, he doesn't want to marry, get engaged, have kids or live with you. It's been going nowhere for a long, long time.

    It sounds like you want to string the bf/"ex" along until you secure things with random bar guy.
    Originally Posted by ConfusedAl
    We are not engaged, we donít have kids or live together. A year ago he said to me he wasnít sure I was the one for him and we had a break- but after 6 weeks we got back together. Nothing has improved from getting back together.

    I really donít want to tell my ex whatís happening because it will destroy him and I still love him not to want to hurt his feelings, but how do I progress?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    You're looking for someone to fill the void because you're not happy in your current relationship. This is worse than a rebound. Anyone can walk into a bar and pick up someone. With a few drinks I think half the room looks attractive too.

    End it with your current relationship. Both of you are hanging on to each other out of familiarity and comfort but he's already told you that he wasn't sure (after almost ten years) that you're the one for him. Staying in your relationship will chip away at your self-esteem and it's already done so badly enough that you're willing to settle and jump into something new with someone you don't know very well.

    Nevermind whether you're giving anyone else a fair chance. Give yourself a fair chance at happiness. Stay single for awhile and spend more time with your friends and family. If you're feeling an overwhelming urge to be with someone because you're scared of being alone or uncertain if you can be happy alone first, you're making the wrong decision jumping into something new with someone else. All this is doing is delaying you from understanding more of yourself and what you need in a relationship. This new person DOES really seem quite new at relationships and I believe it because no person in their right mind would want to start dating someone who's looking for an escape so badly. Both of them deserve more and so do you.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    You've outgrown your relationship. End it for good. Stay alone for at least a good year. You need to find out who you are without a boyfriend. You can in no way choose a good man until you are happy being solo, and in fact you haven't chosen wisely now. Because no decent man will want to date a woman who was involved with someone else when he met her. Men who DON'T want long-term are very happy to briefly be with taken women, and when that woman is totally free and clear, he runs for the hills.

    Yeah, you should look at a man's past history because it often shows a pattern. If his longest relationship was 4 months, you can expect the same.

    Be alone and work on yourself. Enjoy your freedom for a change, pampering yourself, spending time with gf's, starting a new hobby, traveling when safe to do so if possible and if it interests you. You also need time to mourn the relationship, even if it's your choice and you feel right about ending it. Get used to a new life without him before venturing out into the dating world too soon. You will thank yourself later.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    How do you progress? By being honest with yourself and calling it what it is - a break up, not a break. There are no breaks in healthy relationships.

    Your relationship with your ex has been dead for years and should have ended long ago. That feeling is actually mutual, as much as you are both afraid to say it out loud. At this point, you are both tormenting each other with "breaks" when you should just be done. Don't kid yourself about his feelings either - after 10 years he told that he is not sure that you are the right one for him when it comes to marriage - that's not love. You are both sticking around out of habit and familiarity and fear of what's out there, the unfamiliar.

    It's long past due for the both of you to set each other free. You are pretty much cheating but for the fact that you met a new guy and immediately put your existing relationship "on hold" while you have your fun exploring and keeping your ex as a safety net. Stop it. Better yet, how would this work if you were married and ran into a hot guy who actually lights up your world? Can't put a marriage on hold. Face up that this is over and no, you don't need to tell him the gory details of why - a simple we have outgrown each other and this relationship is enough.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Break up with your boyfriend because you're unhappy in the relationship and feelings have changed. NOT because of new guy. that would be unnecessarily cruel and add a dynamic to this break up you do not need. Nor does boyfriend deserve.

    Many high school romances do not last. For so many reasons. This was bound to happen. 10 years and no engagement? That in itself shows that the relationship was not growing, progressing properly.

    I can see how at a young age he had doubts, but that should have been the end.

    New guy may break your heart. there are no guarantees. Just bc the signs are good or bad, its a crap shoot.

    Know that you will not be able to just move on. its a big deal to end this and you need to go slow with this. always remember sex is not a guarantee of emotional connection. and a guy that has never been in a relationship might not be that great of a catch. not that he's bad guy...

    Its easy to transfer feelings from your bf to this new guy. So that's something you need to keep in check. because if he did break your heart, you will really be mourning your bf.

  8. #7
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    I agree, you have outgrown your relationship. I think it is time to end things with the bf.

    I also think that you need to slow your role with the new guy. You are coming off a 10 year relationship and should not be jumping into anything serious. Date around and have some fun!

  9. #8
    Platinum Member SooSad33's Avatar
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    70% happy.

    We spoke a little that night and I gave him my number.

    The next day I asked my boyfriend to go on a break as I was taken back by this guy I met last night and it isnít fair if I felt that way.



    - With the fact you two had already had one break.. then YOU asked for another.. says enough.

    I highly suggest though that you do NOT get involved at this time...
    Most likely this will be a Rebound on you.
    All will seem so awesome for a while.. you will be heavily 'into him', no matter what..
    BUT, after a while, things will quickly fade.. as YOU are still holding feeling for your Ex.

    Rebounds are NOT good :/.

    I say you NEED some serious down time after your Long term relationship.

    The only problem is, he has never been in a long term relationship and Iím scared he might end up breaking my heart. We have been quite open and he says he sees a future with me too.

    - See? Moving things along Way Too Fast!

    My ex is still on the scene as he is asking for another chance to prove he loves me and I went for a meal with him last night and I feel nothing towards him which is terrible as Iíve been with him so long. He kissed me and I was just thinking about this new guy the whole time!!
    - Sadly, you are your BF are done... Correct?

    As for your 'New guy'.. Is just infatuation.. a thrill- of what you were lacking.. and 'Lust'.

    Be smart.. back away from BOTH and get your own self back together again.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    The new guy would be irrelevant to whether or not I'd waste more time on the first guy.

    If leapfrogging onto someone else is your way of building the confidence to get out of a dead relationship, then there you are. Nobody can predict how well that will work, but at very least, I'd capitalize on the opportunity to free myself from stagnation.

    We never get any wasted time back to live over again.

  11. #10
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    You need to break up with your (ex)boyfriend for good; that relationship expired a long time ago.

    Don't dive into anything new. Even if this new guy doesn't work out, your previous/current relaitonship needed to be over.


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