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Thread: dating new after dating a narcissist

  1. #21
    Platinum Member
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    Mar 2006
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    52,142
    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    Didn't think you were. Sorry if it came across that way. It was more directed to the OP that "take it slow" is really a pointless conversation. You either do it or you don't do it, it's not something you say as such because it's a meaningless phrase that implies, "I don't know how to conduct myself" and in practice usually works out as mouth and feet marching in opposite directions. For example, "I said that I want to take it slow and then we had sex. Will he/she call me in the morning?" I mean we see way too many threads like that here.

    As for him feeling rejected, I mean.... if you are happy with dates on weekends and he wants to set up one up during the week as well, it's easy enough to say, "hey I'd love to see you but I have this work project going on, so I'm only free on the weekends for now. Would love to do X with you on Saturday if you are free." It's tapping the brakes without being off putting. If that puts him off....honestly.....that relationship never had a chance to begin with. You don't want to date someone who will run away screaming because you said no to something or were busy.

    Overall though....if she is spending the date thinking about her ex (good or bad) or comparing the new guy with her ex, she really needs to take a time out from dating and actually just heal and get her feet back under her. It's all too raw and too fresh and doesn't lend itself to healthy judgment.
    Great advice.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member
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    It's too soon to date, esp since you seem to be codependent and have emotional issues. Slow down, it's not that scary being single.

  3. #23
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
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    This is what the narcissist does and you are right to talk about it and you know what needs to be done but the narcissist still has a hold on you. That's what they do. You have to make a clean break and be clear of all the control and manipulation, stop second guessing yourself, listen to your gut and get away from that person.
    Work with your therapist on your insecurities and just trust your intuition in your next relationship, don't give the narcissist what they want...control.
    Best of luck

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