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Thread: My boyfriend breakup with me after his father passed away

  1. #1
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    My boyfriend breakup with me after his father passed away

    Hello everyone , Me and my boyfriend have been friends since 1 year and in relationship for almost 3 years , things where going normal in our relationship , until his father got diagnosed with cancer 1 year ago I have been by his side since this , however his dad passed away few months ago , and my boyfriend totally changed , I understanded and give him his time and was by his side all the time , I really felt his pain and did all I could to make him feel better and never left his side when he needed me, however it was not enough and he decided to breakup with me saying he don't care about any one after his father died , I told him to let me by his side and that we can fix this together, he agreed eventually and we met few times since then but we had very small argument and next day I called to check if he was okay he told me he don't want to talk and want to end this relationship , I asked him what I could possibly did wrong he said he lost feelings for me and don't see future with me or anyone at this time, I didn't know what to do I told him to do what ever makes him feels better , he contacted me next day and told me if I needed anything he is still around but as a friend , I told him same for me , and I haven't contacted him 3 days now , I feel heartbroken I don't know what I did wrong , and why he lost feelings for me
    If anyone could help I would be grateful , thanks for your patience.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. Let him grieve in his own way and in his own time. Let him be around his friends and family. Crowding someone this much can force them to push back.

    Try not to suffocate people. There is just way to much "by his side" here, as if you wanted to accelerate this grieving so things would get back to normal.

    Give him space and Do not contact him unless he reaches out. It would be best to stop trying to fix him or cheer him up.
    Originally Posted by Mayo l22
    his dad passed away few months ago , and my boyfriend totally changed
    I asked him what I could possibly did wrong he said he lost feelings for me and don't see future with me or anyone at this time

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    I thought it was helping , I really cared about him and knew how he felt , so do you think if I no contacted and focus on myself there will be a chance of getting him back ? It really hurts when he said he lost feelings for me and I find to distance myself is the only way to help

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Just give him space. It's your only option. He may have said things to push you away and have room to breathe and grieve. It's hurtful, but he's not in a good state of mind right now.
    Originally Posted by Mayo l22
    It really hurts when he said he lost feelings for me and I find to distance myself is the only way to help

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    I'm sorry. This does hurt and is confusing. But we all have to respect other people's feelings and wishes. You can't impose your wishes on another person. And it's not healthy for you to try to make excuses for him. By that I mean blaming the dad's death for the break up. A break up is a break up. The reason doesn't matter.

    I tell you this not to be harsh, but sometimes giving an excuse or blaming an excuse, makes us have hope and excuse bad behavior. Let him go completely. That's the only way to do best by yourself. Which ironically is the only real shot at someday in the future. Should your paths cross again. Crazy. I know.

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    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I think you need to focus on yourself, period. Press time out on the situation and don't keep trying for it anymore. Consider this over. It hurts but give it a few weeks and let things settle for awhile. You have to decide whether you want to be with someone who cuts you off this way regardless of what's going on in life. It doesn't sound like the relationship was stable to begin with. Was it long distance? Have you met?

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    It wasn't , we live far away but we met alot, we met after he decided to breakup first time , things where fine he said he regretted it and will never do it again, we even kissed and hugged , he said he loves me after that , but few weeks later he breakup with me just like that.

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    I'm trying to accept the fact that he lost feelings , it hurts but I have nothing else to do I can't force myself

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Mayo l22
    It wasn't , we live far away but we met alot, we met after he decided to breakup first time , things where fine he said he regretted it and will never do it again, we even kissed and hugged , he said he loves me after that , but few weeks later he breakup with me just like that.
    For your own sake and mental health, consider it over. This person has too much going on to be in a stable or loving relationship. Grief hits people in different ways but it doesn't mean relationships end in the process. It's one thing to ask for patience and a time out and another to break it off repeatedly. I think you should be wary and cautious of individuals who, while dealing with their own issues, use you as a punching bag. He ends the relationship likely knowing that you'll stick around and put up with his behaviour.

    All of this hurts because you've got love blinders on. Think of your own best interests and what you'd have rather seen in a partner. You can remain compassionate about his situation but it doesn't mean you enter any romantic relationship with him in the future. Stop being that punching bag for someone else. Give him the space he requests and don't keep running yourself into the ground or waiting for him to work through his grief or putting yourself out there only to walk on eggshells if anything big happens in life.

    Think about it this way - let's say another painful event or loss happens again in life, do you see yourself with a person who breaks up with you again?

    Take your time and think about things carefully. Just while he's asking for space, take that space for yourself also and think about both of you as people and how you handle difficult situations.

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    So it wasn't my fault? That I cared too much and always was there for him ,I admit that I daily asked him how he was doing and that I'm always here for him , but I thought it was normal to help him going through his grave , I just want to know if i did something wrong that leads him to lost feelings for me

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