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Thread: EX Girlfriend and Social Media advice

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    What did she do?

    For reference, how old are you both?
    28 me / her 24

    Basically, Moments before the final break up:

    As of 3 months ago, she had already graduated Masters. But flights were on lockdown due to Covid so she could not return home. From then, I really started to feel her being distant. Maybe it was because of my constant nagging on when is she coming home so we could start the marriage situation with her family. (Due to stupid culture/region issues - marriage between different regions is sometimes frawned upon-so reverse but that’s her family)

    I overshare my feelings always. And feel she is inconsiderate about them. She started prioritizing me less. Share & care less. And whenever I bring it up, it would turn as an argument of her turning it against me. I felt like she isn't focusing on me first anymore, but focusing on herself. I know losing me would create chaos in her world because I used to do everything for her…Everything!

    It all started when her phone would turn off every weekend when she was out, and it would frustrate me because I can't ask about her. I felt like she was hiding stuff from me. I told her how much it frustrated me. And yet, it kept happening 4 weekends in a row. I always put myself in someones shoe..I always think "If I was out, my number one focus is to have my phone always on so she could reach me..why isn't she doing the same if she cares?"

    It kept spiraling from there on. On going fights, and no effort from her side. I later gave an ultimatum and said "I've put up with this for a long time, if you're serious you need to be back soon and talk with your family about us getting married. Otherwise I will no longer wait for you". No Effort again from her side.. Fights kept going on and on.

    Until one day I caught her in a lie, confronted her with proof, she kept lying. And so I broke us up. Blocked her. She did not have any reaction when I said I'm ending it. No effort to apologize or trying to contact me in any ways.

    I had tabs on social media, her life turned. She started meeting new people, guys/girls, going out to parties…she did everything both of us were not allowed to do and agreed on.

    When I reconnected a month later she did apologize and said that she dint know how to apologize and confront by text and wanted to see me face to face as soon as she returned.

    Suddenly its cold now all we talk about is random questions of her texting me every now and then asking me questions about her dog. + the over posting on social media Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. What do you mean by "not allowed to do"?
    Originally Posted by mike28z
    I had tabs on social media, her life turned. She started meeting new people, guys/girls, going out to parties…she did everything both of us were not allowed to do

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Sorry to hear this. What do you mean by "not allowed to do"?
    It started off as jealousy from her side during long distance. She dint want me around girls or going to parties without her. Then i felt the same way.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Ok, then it's best if you just go your own ways, since long distance isn't working and just devolved into trust and control issues.
    Originally Posted by mike28z
    It started off as jealousy from her side during long distance. She dint want me around girls or going to parties without her. Then i felt the same way.

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  6. #15
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    One thing to note are the actions below that definitely mean something:

    -shes strong & patient shes used to me fixing past fights always

    -she was never active on social media, before we met + during our 4 years of adventures. She was Never a social media sharing/posting person.

    -during the 1 month breakup/no contact period, while she was still abroad & going out always..she never posted

    -Suddenly, after i made the move to reconnect and talk again as friends she Started to post way too much (back home). Btw back home she basically has 0 social life. No friends, mostly 1-3 close cousins only.

    What does that mean? That’s what’s making me curious. It’s not her at all

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Good you ended it. You have nothing good to say about her. Is it sour grapes or realizing that it should have ended long ago?

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Good you ended it. You have nothing good to say about her. Is it sour grapes or realizing that it should have ended long ago?
    I really love her we’re both perfect when we’re together same place. All the fights were caused whenever it was distance.

    In my mind i hoped after me ending that it would worry her. And me reconnecting would have her make more effort in terms of having me back. Instead that breakup probably made her realize the downs of the relationship which led to have her to want to talk & discuss face to face . Yeah also she never likes to be wrong lol

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    The obsession over her has to stop. This means no more social media "tabs". She's shown you how she doesn't like being checked up on on weekends by turning off her phone while you were still together. Leave her alone. This woman wants nothing to do with you. Whatever her background or how much "help" she's needed in the past, it really doesn't look like she needs your help with anything at all from her actions. She doesn't want you and she doesn't need you. I don't mean to be harsh but you're doing everything that she didn't like before.

    Your best approach is drop everything. Stop the IG checking and other social media stalking. Don't follow her anywhere and don't comment or "like" any of her posts. Leave her alone and let her be.

    Keep practicing mindfulness and focus in your own life - go back to you. Once you get back there, to yourself, you'll start to see how you've been spending way too much time worrying about this person who's showing you that she doesn't want to have anything to do with you for a long time. I think that dialogue you have with yourself telling yourself that she needs you and that you've helped her is sabotaging your future and best interests. Change all that - it's not the truth but it may be something that you've felt has supported your meaning or purpose for awhile. It's too scary to let go of so try figuring out why. She's appears perfectly fine without you. Best to start seeing things the way they really are.

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    The obsession over her has to stop. This means no more social media "tabs". She's shown you how she doesn't like being checked up on on weekends by turning off her phone while you were still together. Leave her alone. This woman wants nothing to do with you. Whatever her background or how much "help" she's needed in the past, it really doesn't look like she needs your help with anything at all from her actions. She doesn't want you and she doesn't need you. I don't mean to be harsh but you're doing everything that she didn't like before.

    Your best approach is drop everything. Stop the IG checking and other social media stalking. Don't follow her anywhere and don't comment or "like" any of her posts. Leave her alone and let her be.

    Keep practicing mindfulness and focus in your own life - go back to you. Once you get back there, to yourself, you'll start to see how you've been spending way too much time worrying about this person who's showing you that she doesn't want to have anything to do with you for a long time. I think that dialogue you have with yourself telling yourself that she needs you and that you've helped her is sabotaging your future and best interests. Change all that - it's not the truth but it may be something that you've felt has supported your meaning or purpose for awhile. It's too scary to let go of so try figuring out why. She's appears perfectly fine without you. Best to start seeing things the way they really are.
    Thanks for the advice. Btw I wasn’t clear the phone shutting off was always due to low battery, happened a lot even when we’re together. That’s why i was saying she was never a person with the phone around her or a person whos active on social media until suddenly now, after we reconnected

    And still she wants to fly to my city and speak face to face after she said she still has feeings for me + im the one that she loves. If she still dint want me she would have said it by text or phone... right? Why fly all the way.

    But my concern here was the new social media actions all of a sudden.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    It doesn't matter what she posts on social media. You're getting too worried about small details going from marriage to IG stories. Let it be for now and leave the social media behind. If this is a woman you really see your life with, the last thing on your mind should be what she posts on Instagram, even proud of her at the very most but nothing else, for experiencing and making more out of her life. She also just finished her graduate degree. Why would she want to get married right away or become engaged? She has her whole life to live or at least a few years to experience her career. You're coming across as very suffocating and controlling.

    Originally Posted by mike28z
    It kept spiraling from there on. On going fights, and no effort from her side. I later gave an ultimatum and said "I've put up with this for a long time, if you're serious you need to be back soon and talk with your family about us getting married. Otherwise I will no longer wait for you". No Effort again from her side.. Fights kept going on and on.
    I know you're frustrated and very hurt by her but she's showing you that whatever you want(marriage) is not what she wants right now for her own reasons. This is no way to propose to someone... as an ultimatum.

    You deserve way better from someone who actually is ready to be married and more established in their life. That four year age difference might not seem like much at first but in your twenties it's big. This relationship isn't working because you both want different things. The relationship itself is full of issues and both of you can't seem to get along or go a few weeks without arguing. When someone makes you less and less of a priority or leaves you in the dark, it means that that person wants less and less to do with you. Talking with you after the fact (after a break up) may be out of compassion, kindness, for old time's sake(good memories) but from what I'm reading she's growing out of the relationship that the both of you shared and discovering herself in the process.

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