Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 35

Thread: My SO told me to get the f**k out his house at 2 am...

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2020
    Posts
    28

    My SO told me to get the f**k out his house at 2 am...

    We’ve dated for about 2 years. He has pretty bad communication issues. He recently he agreed to go to couples therapy together. The last few months have been pretty rocky and we broke up. We got back together with the plan to go to therapy. Things had been going well.

    We’ve spent this weekend we had a great time. Went to brunch, talked about my lease being up in may so that we could live with each other, picked out children’s names, etc. Yesterday, we had another really good day - there was a live band at the park and he pulled me in to slow dance. We get back home around 6 pm. He’s watched football, I’m browsed Reddit (I don’t watch football), then he and I made dinner together. As we’re eating were talking about raising kids. He tells me he’s going to raise his son differently than the girl. He goes on to say if he gets bullied and starts to cry he tell him to stop because, “I don’t want a crybaby ”. I turn to him and tell him that’s unacceptable and boys need to be able to express themselves. How most men are taught not to express themselves which tends to lend itself to unhealthy relationships. He responds with how he’s not a bad guy and his dad raised him that way. I reminded him how he threw raw chicken at his friend/roommate and called him a <removed> which ultimately got him kicked out because it was the friend’s apartment. How he recently tore down a scoreboard during one of his games. I pulled up an article to show him the studies that backed up what I was saying. He said he doesn’t want a weak son and I told him well if he did that I would go to my son and tell him not to listen to what he said because it’s okay to be upset and to tell me what’s wrong. He walked to the kitchen and said I better not tell his son not to listen to him.

    He then walked the dog and I could tell he seemed off when he came back. He said he was tired and was going to bed. I asked him what was wrong and he said he was fine. He wasn’t upset, he just couldn’t sleep. I offered to rub his head to help him fall asleep. He kind of chuckled and said no that’s okay. He was still tossing and turning 30 minutes later. I go to give him oral (makes him relax) and he rejected me. He said, “you had all day to do that, now you want to be affectionate with me when you think something is wrong. No.” I just go out in the living room to watch TV so that I could leave him alone, plus I couldn’t sleep either. He got a new system so I didn’t know how to use it.

    I put on a hoodie and decide to go outside to get some fresh air. I sat on the front steps. I’m gone for 5 minutes and he called me asking where I was. I told him I was sitting outside because I couldn’t sleep. He said, “That’s it. Come inside and pack all your sh*t and get the f*ck out”. Im shocked. I go inside in disbelief and he locked me out. He lets me in and I ask him what’s his issue with me sitting outside. He just kept shaking his head and saying he’s done and to pack up my **** -he never told me what was wrong. I asked, “is this how a man treats a woman? Kicks her out in the middle of the night?”. He said, “you can take your a** to the couch but you need to leave in the morning”. He goes on to say how I don’t make him happy, he was at his best this week and I still couldn’t give him what he needed, and I shouldn’t tell him how to raise his son (imaginary one). He pulls out his phone and said,”this is how done I am. I’m deleting the highlights of us together off my Instagram right now” and proceeded to remove it. I pack up all my stuff and he offered to help me take the things to my car (we’re in DC). I declined and said, “I don’t want any help from a man who kicks out a woman at 2 am”.He said, “I told you that you could leave in the morning but you want to be dramatic, as usual”. I walked out with my things.

    40 minutes later after I’ve left/3 am he unfollowed me on social media. Unfollowed my friends too (all of the social media is so juvenile). Started following this one woman he knows that I don’t particularly care for. This morning he sent me a picture of a bag of clothes that I left and said, “please come get this ASAP”. I told him I was at work and would try to come get it later but if he had such an issue he could drop it off at the front desk of my apartment. He said, “let me know when you get here and I’ll leave it out front.”

    I’m shocked. Hurt. Confused.

    Where did all this come from? The say before he was asking ME when I could move in, but now I don’t make him happy and to get out? I don’t understand it. I still have no idea why he got angry.


    Believe it or not he’s 30 by the way. Getting Ready for a First Date
    Last edited by HeartGoesOn; 09-28-2020 at 06:59 PM. Reason: Language

  2. #2
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Posts
    7,163
    This is a total jerk in more ways than one. Why on earth do you want this man back? He is extremely rude, insensitive, verbally and emotionally abusive.
    He has already showed you that if you ever had children with him, he's going to be emotionally abusive towards them if not worse.

    This isn't love, it's toxic and you need to get out. It's never been a good relationship and all you will get is a life of hell if you stay with this man.

    DON'T go back. DON'T talk or message him. Find family or friends to stay with and get away from this mess.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    40,408
    Gender
    Male
    It's unclear. You were dating others while with him? Is this an on/off relationship? It sounds quite volatile and fueled by an abusive temper and attitude.

    "Couples therapy" indicates that you should end this. He seems violent and you are trying to fix and change him. Stop talking about kids when you can't get along. You both seem to argue for the sake of arguing.

    No couples therapist is a magician in this case. Stop doing that and get individual therapy and start reading up on red flags for controlling and abusive relationship.

    He is not a 'poor communicator' at all. He just likes to keep you guessing as a form of having the upper hand, walking on eggs to have the power. Is he a heavy drinker or drug user? Do these violent fight happen while drinking?
    Originally Posted by Beckydee90
    03-09-2020: I had this date set up with this guy a few weeks ago for that evening.

  4. #4
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2020
    Posts
    28
    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    It's unclear. You were dating others while with him? Is this an on/off relationship? It sounds quite volatile and fueled by an abusive temper and attitude.

    "Couples therapy" indicates that you should end this. He seems violent and you are trying to fix and change him. Stop talking about kids when you can't get along. You both seem to argue for the sake of arguing.

    No couples therapist is s magician in this case. Stop doing that and get individual therapy and start reading up on red flags for controlling and abusive relationship.

    He is not a 'poor communicator' at all. He just like to keep you guessing as a form of having the upper hand. Is he a heavy drinker or drug user? Do these violent fight happen while drinking?
    We had broken up for a 1.5 months and I had a date. Nothing serious, just tried to move on since I thought it was over. He told me to get out then too.

    He’s not a heavy drinker. He does have a glass or 2 of wine each night but it’s usually with a meal. I hate to bring this up but he’s a very short man, 5’3. I could be way off base but if I had to wager he has a Napoleon complex.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    40,408
    Gender
    Male
    6'3' men who keep throwing you out are just plan abusive and volatile, as he is. Don't make excuses or invent reasons why he's abusive..
    Originally Posted by Beckydee90
    We had broken up for a 1.5 months and I had a date. He told me to get out then too.

    I hate to bring this up but he’s a very short man, 5’3. I could be way off base but if I had to wager he has a Napoleon complex.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    10,823
    Where did all the this come from?

    Becky, really? Re-read your own post. This is a man with some serious anger management problems, cited with examples of being abusive to a former roommate and losing his crap and tearing down a scoreboard. You know he’s an angry, volatile person. THAT is where it came from - he’s rude and abusive by nature. He barely needs any real reason to fly off the handle.

    Get away from this guy, or be prepared for a lifetime of verbal and emotional abuse. That hypothetical son will turn out just like him and you’ll continue pandering to him and offering him affection and sex in exchange for respect. This so crazy unhealthy already and you don’t seem to see it yet. Please, be done with this jerk.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    52,206
    Originally Posted by Beckydee90
    We had broken up for a 1.5 months and I had a date. Nothing serious, just tried to move on since I thought it was over. He told me to get out then too.

    He’s not a heavy drinker. He does have a glass or 2 of wine each night but it’s usually with a meal. I hate to bring this up but he’s a very short man, 5’3. I could be way off base but if I had to wager he has a Napoleon complex.
    Nothing at all to do with being short. I think you need to stay away from him. I agree with everyone else.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    23,321
    He sounds charming.

    Did you grow up in this environment? Is this why you chose him?

    You should not be in a relationship with this jerk, and certainly not raising a family with him.

    What yo see is what you get. Time to accept it!

  10. #9
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    1,877
    You don't seem very compatible with each other OP... you don't like how he reacts, you don't think he will parent the way you want him to or at minimum in a way you can accept... consider this fair warning and be glad you didn't have a child with him... otherwise you would be raising two children instead of one!

  11. #10
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2020
    Posts
    28
    Originally Posted by maew
    You don't seem very compatible with each other OP... you don't like how he reacts, you don't think he will parent the way you want him to or at minimum in a way you can accept... consider this fair warning and be glad you didn't have a child with him... otherwise you would be raising two children instead of one!
    So you think this just a compatibility issue?

Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast

Videos


Maintaining A Strong Relationship

Detaching From a Malignant Man

Divorced Parents Prefer Technology and Social Media As Communication Tool

Wedding Jitters Could Be a Predictor for a Future Divorce

Botox Fights Depression And Makes You Feel Happier

Men Are More Sensitive than Women when Having Relationship Problems
Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •