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Thread: Why do I get lonely after socialising?

  1. #1
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    Why do I get lonely after socialising?

    I have always dealt with this thing where whenever I socialise, I always felt increadibly lonely afterwards.

    As I have gotten older, along with moving away from family and friends, it has gotten a lot better, but I still feel lonely after I socialise.

    The other thing is I always felt very tired after socialising. When I try an explain this to people, I get the impression they think it's quite odd.

    I try to figure out why I feel like this. There were no massive traumatic events when I was younger or anything.

    I feel nervous before I socialise, enjoy it when I do, and don't want it to end. Then when it does I feel increadibly lonely and tired.

    It feels like my requirement of social interaction is off kilter, but on the other hand, if I'm around people constantly, I would get snappy and want to be on my own.

    Any suggestions to what might be going on?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You may just be introverted. Introverted people are not shy or socially awkward at all, nor do they avoid social situations.

    The best way to describe it is that social interaction is like using your phone, it's great but then it gets drained and needs to recharge.

    Extroverts are the opposite. Their batteries are charged during social interaction and drained if alone too long.

    Just balance you social life and your alone time and you'll be fine. Often one-on-one or small groups may be better than draining large groups, crowds etc. This way you have some interaction, but it's not leaving you feeling drained.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    I think it's because you don't have balance in your life. Think of socializing as only a fraction of your daily, weekly or monthly life. It's just a temporary diversion sandwiched in between everything else you do whether it's your occupation, chores, errands and downtime.

    Don't preoccupy yourself with the thought of socializing because other people are very busy with their lives. It's the way the world is.

    Once you become realistic regarding how people are, how their time is limited for socializing and accept the way it is, you won't feel lonely and depressed afterwards.

    I'm tired after socializing. It's hard to be "ON" all the time, plaster a smile on your face, make small talk and put your best face forward. It's fatiguing and after a while, I look forward to going home so I can chill. I need my quiet time.

    If you're off kilter, do something. Work on hobbies, watch a great movie, read great books, exercise diligently daily, get fresh air, eat well, cook well and take good care of your mental and physical health. Have healthy diversions and distractions so you won't have brain space for feelings of loneliness and sadness following social events. Transform your loneliness and sadness into relief that it's over so you can get on with your other scheduled commitments.

    I've found for me personally, whenever I stop thinking about other people and concentrate on myself, I become more well rounded, content and secure. Sure, socializing is important but fulfilling your own life with your own day to day busyness is important, too otherwise you wouldn't be industrious and productive. Nothing would ever get done.

    I've also noticed too much time on the Internet is awfully depressing. Turn OFF your phone and PC. Don't over do it with texting, emailing and electronics. Take long breaks from it as they're all huge time traps.

    I have a friend who is supremely happy because she's not on social media whatsoever, stays away from her PC, only texts in very small doses such as urgent matters and the rest of the time, she's very busy with her life the old-fashioned way yet in a good way. She is liberated and free from the shackles of excessive technology. She is not chained to her phone nor PC 24 / 7.

    Don't create too much time to dwell on negative thoughts. You will feel more secure when you remember gratitude. That's what my mother taught me.

    Pay attention to happy people. They're very busy. They don't have time and energy to feel sorry for themselves.

    Either get busy living or get busy dying.
    Last edited by Cherylyn; 09-28-2020 at 06:06 PM.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    When you socialize it's like you are "on" meaning you are alive, vital, talking, laughing, and it's all god fun. Afterwards you are tired from it. You come back down to earth and suddenly the fun is over so you feel tired and spent. You had a good time but now it's over so you feel lonely. I agree it's about balance in your life.

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  6. #5
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    After I had my son -I was 42 -I all of a sudden became very tired from socializing. I was an am an extrovert all the way. It wasn't just because I was tired in general. I found it draining especially if my son was there since I had to divide my attention plus ward off well-meaning 'oh let me just touch his feet" friends when he was an infant. It was just too much focus and energy I guess at that time. That faded some but I also find I don't like eating meals with people anymore -again it's like I can't focus on both -being with the people and then also eating comfortably. I wouldn't be overly concerned -just socialize when you feel like it and stay in tune with when you've had enough.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    You had suicidal thoughts in your previous posts and tried to commit suicide. These are seriously worrying, OP. If you continue feeling depressed, anxious and upset or can't make sense of your moods, do see a doctor. This isn't meant to slight you or upset you. It's worth checking out and receiving correct help or treatment for these debilitating thoughts. Tell them what happened when they messed up your records before or try to get a second opinion.

    You don't have to explain this to your friends if they don't understand you at first. I didn't understand the context of your situation till I went back to see your other posts.

  8. #7
    Silver Member ShySoul's Avatar
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    What is your natural personality? Do you tend to be more introverted or extroverted. Being around people can be a drain no matter who you are. If you're an introvert there is the anxiety of what to say or do. Even if you can get by for awhile, it wears you out and you need to eventually get away to cool off. As an introvert myself, I find myself more lonely after being in groups because I know as much as I get along with the group, I'm still an outsider to them and don't really relate as deeply with everyone. For the extrovert, it's can still be tiring. You feel like you have to be "on" all the time and you feed off the energy of the group. But when you'refinished, the exhaustion hits you at once and you need to get away. No matter how outgoing you may be, everyone still needs time to themselves.

    I just read an article that sounds like it might apply to you. Could you be more of an "extroverted introvert?" If so, you're not alone. I've known a few.

    [Register to see the link]

  9. #8
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    My vote goes for you're an introvert, but at the same time I would also say you're suffering from depression (attempted suicide) which needs to be addressed by a professional. The sooner the better as this is not something you can fix on your own.

  10. #9
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    On one hand, as others have suggested you may be an introvert, who needs to recharge (alone) before socialising again. On the other hand: May I ask, do you feel you're living a fulfilling life? Socialising can be a nice distraction, but when being alone reality can hit you like a brick.

  11. #10
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    Extravert here who also experiences this. I think Cherylyn hits the nail on the head with imbalance. I get much much worse social hangovers from social times that come after a drought. And social times that happen with people who I feel insecure about strengthof the connection with. At times when I am more comfortable with where Iím at and my social network and my own company i donít tend to get social hangovers.

    Iím not much help with the cure because Iím still looking for it but I would speculate planning ahead to do something enjoyable to wind down when you get home since you know the low mood is coming. Tasty food, nice yoga session, colouring for calm, favourite book or tv show. Something that feels like itís an activity that makes life more excellent for you.

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