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Thread: How to avoid feeling lonely while I work on myself?

  1. #1
    mycabbages's Avatar
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    How to avoid feeling lonely while I work on myself?

    Hello, there! Thanks for your time.

    A few years ago, I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder (bi-polar type). The incident that led to this caused a serious physical injury as well, for which I needed multiple surgeries. So, the past few years have been about healing both physically and mentally.

    For a while now, I haven't been content with my life. Don't get me wrong - I have many things for which to be grateful. However, I'm not happy with the person that I am. I feel, at 29 years old, that I haven't achieved anything or done anything significant. I dropped out of college, I'm not married, I don't have kids (to be honest, I'm not sure if I want them), and I don't have a career to speak of (just dead-end jobs that only pay the bills and don't leave me feeling fulfilled). In social situations, I feel out of place, like I don't have anything to contribute. To top it all off, because I had to stay off my feet for a long time due to my injury, I've developed a sedentary lifestyle and gained a lot of weight, resulting in negative esteem with my health and appearance.

    I know that I'm not in a good place, and I've decided to hold off on getting into any more romantic relationships until I've addressed the core of my issues. I am in therapy, I bought myself an exercise bike for a low-impact workout, and I plan on going back to school starting next year. Because of reduced contact with people due to the pandemic and having to quit my job and seek disability due to chronic pain, I decided to fill some of my time with learning how to play guitar (something I've wanted to do for a long time).

    Even though I know it'll be better for me and anyone I get involved with in the long run, I still can't help but feel lonely in the romance department. I spend a lot of time either reminiscing about past relationships or imagining a new one. It's been years since I've been with someone, even just physically (and I don't have the self-esteem/desire because of COVID to try and find something casual).

    Have you ever been in a similar situation? How did you deal with loneliness?

  2. #2
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    I know it's challenging in covid times but is there any kind of volunteer work you can do where you interact with others even if only on zoom? I'd hold off for now given covid and your situation on romance -but connecting with people through volunteer work might help you feel more.... connected!

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    mycabbages's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    I know it's challenging in covid times but is there any kind of volunteer work you can do where you interact with others even if only on zoom? I'd hold off for now given covid and your situation on romance -but connecting with people through volunteer work might help you feel more.... connected!
    This is a good idea! Thank you. I'm sure people are still needed for volunteer jobs even through the pandemic.

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    Originally Posted by mycabbages
    This is a good idea! Thank you. I'm sure people are still needed for volunteer jobs even through the pandemic.
    I spent some time in the spring calling senior citizens who lived alone to check in on them because of covid and chat. Certainly that's not going to exactly address your issue because those are much older people but I also communicated with my fellow-volunteers and certainly could have done so more.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    You could mentor or help/volunteer with groups for people with disabilities or see whether there are local musical groups to join even if for socials and things on Zoom. I use these two because you having experience with both might inspire others also.

    Romance will happen when it's supposed to happen. Never fear... you can't keep a good woman(or man) down. Enjoy the peace and solitude while you can.

    It's good to hear that you're thinking of school again next year. There are also free courses online and plenty of info and resources you can search or look up in your area of study way before the school year starts. Why not get a head start? By the time your program starts you'd have had a good idea of what the first parts are about.

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    Hi I have schizoid affective the bipolar kind as well! Iím currently like you taking time for myself before I get into a romantic relationship.

    I think volunteering is a wonderful choice. I volunteered at an animal shelter but couldnít anymore due to COVID.

    If you can find some type of volunteer work during this time I think youíll not worry so much about loneliness.

    Itís really about keeping busy and having other support systems around you. If you have friends or family keep in contact.

    Learning the guitar will also come in handy for occupying your time.

    I write, so right now Iím working on a novel. Thatís how I keep distracted from the loneliness.

    Binge watch your favorite shows, that also helps me.

    I wish you good luck and I know youíll get through this period of time.

  8. #7
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    @Rose Mosse - Thank you. I hadn't thought about preparing for school in that way, but I already do a bit of reading about my prospective minor. (I want to get into Computers and Tech with a secondary focus on Psychology/Ethics. Specifically, I'm interested in studying how our current technologies affect people and how to improve interpersonal communication and mental health issues stemming from things such as social media use. I also want to learn a bit about programming.)

    @limichelle - Ah! I haven't actually met anyone with the same diagnosis, so hi, mental health twinsie! Thanks for your perspective. What are you writing about?

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    Originally Posted by mycabbages
    @Rose Mosse - Thank you. I hadn't thought about preparing for school in that way, but I already do a bit of reading about my prospective minor. (I want to get into Computers and Tech with a secondary focus on Psychology/Ethics. Specifically, I'm interested in studying how our current technologies affect people and how to improve interpersonal communication and mental health issues stemming from things such as social media use. I also want to learn a bit about programming.)

    @limichelle - Ah! I haven't actually met anyone with the same diagnosis, so hi, mental health twinsie! Thanks for your perspective. What are you writing about?
    Those are interesting fields of study! Have you researched what kinds of jobs are out there that combine those interests?

  10. #9
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    @Batya33 - I haven't. My goal is to work on the "technical" aspect first, getting familiar with systems and programming and all that. The Psychology/Ethics part will come in later, when I have a good understanding of what makes up a network.

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by mycabbages
    @Batya33 - I haven't. My goal is to work on the "technical" aspect first, getting familiar with systems and programming and all that. The Psychology/Ethics part will come in later, when I have a good understanding of what makes up a network.
    I see - sounds interesting! When I started working there was no internet, no real cell phone use. So I've gone through a lot of technological changes since I graduated college and then grad school in the 80s/90s. Thing is it's still changing so I would think that that if the coursework focused on specific technologies it would soon become obsolete.

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