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Thread: How to avoid feeling lonely while I work on myself?

  1. #21
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    Nope not to that extent. I've worked really hard to know how to achieve each of my goals. And I work hard now on other goals -particularly those related to parenting and even more narrowly parenting during this pandemic. I am "content" for the most part and have not always been for sure. Content in quotes as it varies of course. I really do thank you kindly for the compliment and very sorry if I misunderstood.
    Very true... success usually comes from hard work and there is more than one way to solve a problem.

    Thank you for the apology and for accepting mine. 🙂

  2. #22
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I very much agree with Lambert's words which I think were plying at the deeper levels of self-healing and maintaining healthy self-esteem. I think this is extremely difficult in times of distress when the world's worries are clamouring at us. I can't speak for anyone else but when things were so lonely and so painful and I was dropping old ideas and realities for new ones, all I wanted at the time were familiar distractions. I wanted to find a deeper meaning to life and reached out to various associations and volunteer networks and most of all, I sought out individuals and groups that were similar to me in mind and thought. I think the ideas shared in the thread like volunteering which Batya mentioned are so helpful because it is the starting point also of where support networks and new patterns of thoughts and reconditioning happens overall before we achieve calmness, peace, quiet and a really unshakable sense of self and confidence out of all of it.

    I know I couldn't have done it alone but I also know that eventually I had to do it alone. The support from those support networks and associations ended and I felt myself going back to my familiar independent self without the need anymore for those trainee wheels so to speak. I completely agree with focusing on nutrition too. What you put in your body affects your moods and how you feel about yourself, your energy levels throughout the day. Speak to a doctor too about developing ways to exercise (without making your injuries worse - work around them if you can).

    Next year sounds exciting for you - mentally and intellectually. You don't have to let the few months leading to 2021 pass by without much purpose. Create a purpose for yourself even if they are small things. If you've been doing certain things a certain way, can you improve on it? It can be anything from your morning to evening routines. Is there something there that you can take a look at and change instead of going day to day and following what you did in the previous day? I like the idea of being present and mindful. I think that's where we start to feel less and less dependent on others or the need for a romantic relationship to fill parts of us that we think are lacking. All that will come in time when you least feel like you need ​the company of someone.

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    I very much agree with Lambert's words which I think were plying at the deeper levels of self-healing and maintaining healthy self-esteem. I think this is extremely difficult in times of distress when the world's worries are clamouring at us. I can't speak for anyone else but when things were so lonely and so painful and I was dropping old ideas and realities for new ones, all I wanted at the time were familiar distractions. I wanted to find a deeper meaning to life and reached out to various associations and volunteer networks and most of all, I sought out individuals and groups that were similar to me in mind and thought. I think the ideas shared in the thread like volunteering which Batya mentioned are so helpful because it is the starting point also of where support networks and new patterns of thoughts and reconditioning happens overall before we achieve calmness, peace, quiet and a really unshakable sense of self and confidence out of all of it.

    I know I couldn't have done it alone but I also know that eventually I had to do it alone. The support from those support networks and associations ended and I felt myself going back to my familiar independent self without the need anymore for those trainee wheels so to speak. I completely agree with focusing on nutrition too. What you put in your body affects your moods and how you feel about yourself, your energy levels throughout the day. Speak to a doctor too about developing ways to exercise (without making your injuries worse - work around them if you can).

    Next year sounds exciting for you - mentally and intellectually. You don't have to let the few months leading to 2021 pass by without much purpose. Create a purpose for yourself even if they are small things. If you've been doing certain things a certain way, can you improve on it? It can be anything from your morning to evening routines. Is there something there that you can take a look at and change instead of going day to day and following what you did in the previous day? I like the idea of being present and mindful. I think that's where we start to feel less and less dependent on others or the need for a romantic relationship to fill parts of us that we think are lacking. All that will come in time when you least feel like you need ​the company of someone.
    Agree with all of this. I had to change from working out almost exclusively indoors at our fitness room and at a specific time (right after school bus drop off at 720am) to having my son home full time and no fitness room (and, later, no safe fitness room) - so I had to go back to working out outdoors at sunrise which I do every single day. That's so minor compared to other covid-changes we had to make and, in turn, minor compared to what others are enduring -during this time in particular self-improvement is -well it seems impossible!

    I did make a decision in March as soon as things went haywire -and this is to Rose's nutrition point - I promised myself I would not go back to the mindless nibbling I used to do -I'd broken the habit of it in July 2019 and I could see how this pandemic might get me back into my old ways -it only put a few pounds on me but made me feel icky and was the wrong way to eat. So yes nutrition and exercise -and-to me anyway -avoid getting sucked into those MLM programs or apps (but weight watchers I hear is fine/reasonable) - even if you only want to maintain weight I wholeheartedly agree with Rose's focus -pun intended since it's good for your heart.

    You do eventually have to do it alone -but the alone part will draw on what you learned about yourself in part by interacting with others including helping others.

    Exciting times indeed!!

  4. #24
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    When I was younger I used to fly out of bed like a bat out of hell. Not sure why I did this. It's just the way I've always been since I can remember. I've never been a slow riser. My previous partners never understood where I had the energy. It's usually pants on, shirt on and before heading to the grocery store at 7 am, I'd already done everything most people would do in a day in thirty minutes in the house. I don't think this was a good thing and I'll explain a bit more later.

    More recently I started waking more slowly and forcibly keeping my eyes closed to think and meditate a bit for a few minutes before starting my day. I'm sure this doesn't work for everyone. It's just a thing I've started doing. The reason for this is I'm consciously tailoring my thoughts already to how I want my day to unfold. If there are things I know I have to tackle, I've thought it through. If there are things I want to try doing differently, I have some ideas. Instead of flying out and waving about at the world like I used to I feel a lot more purposeful and collected as I move through the day. Surprises and unexpected things do happen but I've discovered anyway that I'm capable of fitting a lot into a day, a lot more than I was even able to before but conscious that I don't have to if it can be helped. Previously minor issues used to upset me and big issues were draining. I wasn't very mindful. I think for someone like me forcing myself to stay still and be more mindful or think in the mornings has helped me organize myself better and achieve a lot more than I would otherwise. This adds to self-fulfillment overall. I've started feeling a lot better about what's going on and where my life is going now than just a year ago or two years ago.

    Not sure if this helps but it's helped me a lot. Just wanted to share.

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  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    When I was younger I used to fly out of bed like a bat out of hell. Not sure why I did this. It's just the way I've always been since I can remember. I've never been a slow riser. My previous partners never understood where I had the energy. It's usually pants on, shirt on and before heading to the grocery store at 7 am, I'd already done everything most people would do in a day in thirty minutes in the house. I don't think this was a good thing and I'll explain a bit more later.

    More recently I started waking more slowly and forcibly keeping my eyes closed to think and meditate a bit for a few minutes before starting my day. I'm sure this doesn't work for everyone. It's just a thing I've started doing. The reason for this is I'm consciously tailoring my thoughts already to how I want my day to unfold. If there are things I know I have to tackle, I've thought it through. If there are things I want to try doing differently, I have some ideas. Instead of flying out and waving about at the world like I used to I feel a lot more purposeful and collected as I move through the day. Surprises and unexpected things do happen but I've discovered anyway that I'm capable of fitting a lot into a day, a lot more than I was even able to before and also be a much more pleasant person while doing it. Previously minor issues used to upset me and big issues were draining. I wasn't very mindful. I think for someone like me forcing myself to stay still and be more mindful or think in the mornings has helped me organize myself better and achieve a lot more than I would otherwise. This adds to self-fulfillment overall. I've started feeling a lot better about what's going on and where my life is going now than just a year ago or two years ago.

    Not sure if this helps but it's helped me a lot. Just wanted to share.
    I love that and sometimes do that before bed. I can't at this point in my life because I want to get my workout out of the way before my son gets up if possible and I have limited time to get him ready for school. For me I always worry -just slightly these days -that if I don't get up right away I'll lose motivation to work out. If I wake up too early and it's not safe to go outside (in pre covid days I'd simply go down to the fitness room, sigh) then often I'll read instead of grab my phone which also feels fulfilling in the way you described!

  7. #26
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    I love that and sometimes do that before bed. I can't at this point in my life because I want to get my workout out of the way before my son gets up if possible and I have limited time to get him ready for school. For me I always worry -just slightly these days -that if I don't get up right away I'll lose motivation to work out. If I wake up too early and it's not safe to go outside (in pre covid days I'd simply go down to the fitness room, sigh) then often I'll read instead of grab my phone which also feels fulfilling in the way you described!
    I admire your dedication for exercise. Mine is more an afternoon endeavour while I'm typically also doing something else or a two hour walk. I can't get over how a long walk solves so much frustration and pent up upset over big and little things. It's really helped me cope and work through a lot of negative emotions - it's as if just getting things moving and in motion sorts things into place and sifts the good from the bad for me. Your work out routine sounds like this works for you and such a rewarding way to have some time to yourself before the family needs your help or attention too.

  8. #27
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    I admire your dedication for exercise. Mine is more an afternoon endeavour while I'm typically also doing something else or a two hour walk. I can't get over how a long walk solves so much frustration and pent up upset over big and little things. It's really helped me cope and work through a lot of negative emotions - it's as if just getting things moving and in motion sorts things into place and sifts the good from the bad for me. Your work out routine sounds like this works for you and such a rewarding way to have some time to yourself before the family needs your help or attention too.
    Yes - downside is setting the alarm but it's ok. I agree about walking! Also you're using both sides of your body in a coordinated way. I speed walk -almost a run as far as speed - and I try to do core exercises and leg/arm work while doing it -then stretching in the elevator after! I also listen to NPR -public radio so that's really good company. OP I recommend getting outdoors and movement in a way that works for you. Such a godsend.

  9. #28
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    Hi! Op

    In reply to your response. It is cool to come across finding someone with the exact same illness you have. This is the first for me on this forum.

    Iíve been writing poetry and the story Iím working on is a light hearted romance fiction.

    People tell me this constantly and I think it applies here for you as well. Once youíve began working on yourself physically and mentally things will just happen. Timing is everything.

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