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Thread: How to avoid feeling lonely while I work on myself?

  1. #11
    mycabbages's Avatar
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    @Batya33 - Yeah, I was growing up when Internet usage and cell phones blew up. It's really interesting to me how communication has changed. I watched a documentary called The Social Dilemma which put me on the path of getting Ethics in the mix.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    I found it helpful to try to identify anything that someone else can give to me that I cannot give to my Self.

    If you find yourself believing that you cannot be your own best friend and lover, challenge that idea until you can make a better and more favorable decision about it.

    Head high, and keep up your great healing work!

  3. #13
    Platinum Member SooSad33's Avatar
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    In your state at this time, I suggest you do not think on taking on even a 'casual' involvement.. that can make you no better.

    Is good though that you are doing therapy, considering some schooling and music.. is good for the soul.

    You NEED to keep focus on YOU- and only you for a while. Keep working on improvement and getting better.

    Even if you have one or two friends to hang with, is helpful... you can also try a craft - to keep busy? - work in animal shelter?
    I have made jams, I crochet ( learned from youtube) and want to make a quilt someday.

    Try to give yourself credit for all you're doing right now.. you are trying :)

    And also make sure you do get your sleep & eat well- both of those are factors - to go with your 'self care'.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by mycabbages
    @Batya33 - Yeah, I was growing up when Internet usage and cell phones blew up. It's really interesting to me how communication has changed. I watched a documentary called The Social Dilemma which put me on the path of getting Ethics in the mix.
    Yes I heard about it! Certainly learning for learning's sake is a wonderful thing - was just wondering if you contemplated using it to get a particular kind of job.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    All of these suggestions sound good. One thing though, filling voids with others does distract from the self healing. The whole reason you are not actively looking for a relationship is because you want to heal yourself.

    I don't mean to discourage you from being around people or trying to in this pandemic.we do need to be with others for our own well being. I just mean, self love and healing is about listening to yourself and your needs. Learning to do for yourself in a responsible and respectful way.

    My advice is to focus on nutrition, nurturing your body and mind, spending time outside (even if just by the window). It's what you eat, drink, read, watch, how you spend your time... making time to sit with yourself. Allowing space in your life to get to the deep thoughts, feelings, wants and desires will point you towards who you want to be as a person and once you have that, you can start to determine the actions to take.

    You, alone, on your own is enough. ❤

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by Lambert
    All of these suggestions sound good. One thing though, filling voids with others does distract from the self healing. The whole reason you are not actively looking for a relationship is because you want to heal yourself.

    I don't mean to discourage you from being around people or trying to in this pandemic.we do need to be with others for our own well being. I just mean, self love and healing is about listening to yourself and your needs. Learning to do for yourself in a responsible and respectful way.

    My advice is to focus on nutrition, nurturing your body and mind, spending time outside (even if just by the window). It's what you eat, drink, read, watch, how you spend your time... making time to sit with yourself. Allowing space in your life to get to the deep thoughts, feelings, wants and desires will point you towards who you want to be as a person and once you have that, you can start to determine the actions to take.

    You, alone, on your own is enough. ❤
    For me at least the deepest thoughts come when I am acting in giving ways and interacting with others especially in a natural, positive environment. Small and big ways. I say good morning to a guy on my jogging oval every morning I see him which is at least 3-4 of the 7 days a week I am there. When my son was a baby in the stroller on the same oval we saw him and would chat briefly with him. That was 10 years ago and because of covid I am now working out outside and see him.

    Even though I'm with my family I feel more needy these days for human interaction because of covid and because of the increased stress/anxiety -and to me that kind of interaction, and the volunteer work I did calling senior citizens, and messaging with new and old friends -all of that brings me out of the self-absorbed negative thoughts triggered by covid-related stuff - that's what then lets me sit with myself in a meaningful way. Those interactions -whether small kindnesses, deeper discussions, helping someone in a physical or emotional way, actively listening to someone else's stuff - that is what, to me, is essential to getting to a better place as a person. Navel-contemplation has its place for sure but those interactions is what makes the meditation/quiet breathing times that much more meaningful. IMHO.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    For me at least the deepest thoughts come when I am acting in giving ways and interacting with others especially in a natural, positive environment. Small and big ways. I say good morning to a guy on my jogging oval every morning I see him which is at least 3-4 of the 7 days a week I am there. When my son was a baby in the stroller on the same oval we saw him and would chat briefly with him. That was 10 years ago and because of covid I am now working out outside and see him.

    Even though I'm with my family I feel more needy these days for human interaction because of covid and because of the increased stress/anxiety -and to me that kind of interaction, and the volunteer work I did calling senior citizens, and messaging with new and old friends -all of that brings me out of the self-absorbed negative thoughts triggered by covid-related stuff - that's what then lets me sit with myself in a meaningful way. Those interactions -whether small kindnesses, deeper discussions, helping someone in a physical or emotional way, actively listening to someone else's stuff - that is what, to me, is essential to getting to a better place as a person. Navel-contemplation has its place for sure but those interactions is what makes the meditation/quiet breathing times that much more meaningful. IMHO.
    I agree B. That's why I said about needing others for our own well being. I get the impression from your posts that you are not only content with your life, you actively know/ have known what is / was best for you and were/are able to determine the how. Not sure if that's correct or not... Just from my own impression.

    My advice is directed to help someone find that voice in themselves. It can be hard for some, myself included, to put myself first and ahead of someone else. And mine comes from a place, not of fear but of abundance.

    Needing others all the time or placing our peace in others, even when it feels good can block out awareness of our own needs. Especially, since the OP sounds to be craving something for themselves. Being in a mind space of knowing and accepting I'm enough just because I am is a good goal that creates a good foundation for any other endeavors. When you start there, the world is your oyster.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by Lambert
    I agree B. That's why I said about needing others for our own well being. I get the impression from your posts that you are not only content with your life, you actively know/ have known what is / was best for you and were/are able to determine the how. Not sure if that's correct or not... Just from my own impression.

    My advice is directed to help someone find that voice in themselves. It can be hard for some, myself included, to put myself first and ahead of someone else. And mine comes from a place, not of fear but of abundance.

    Needing others all the time or placing our peace in others, even when it feels good can block out awareness of our own needs. Especially, since the OP sounds to be craving something for themselves. Being in a mind space of knowing and accepting I'm enough just because I am is a good goal that creates a good foundation for any other endeavors. When you start there, the world is your oyster.
    Wrong impression entirely.

    My advice is directed at exactly the same point. I don't want her to put herself first unless the situation warrants -not a one size fits all. I cannot always put myself first and that was true before I was a parent. I am not a fan of working on oneself unless that includes a significant component of interacting with other people in meaningful ways whether small kindnesses or otherwise. I am not a fan of using broad terms like "I am working on myself" without getting very nitty gritty and specific because if the person doesn't I find it's just a catch phrase used as an excuse to spin one's wheels and perhaps sign on to fancy self-improvement apps and read books. Apps and books also have their place. I was listening to a radio personality this morning. He is like me -back to basics -and also happens to be my age-ish. He said when he is feeling overwhelmed by stress -the stress of today -or finds that even minor stuff is getting to him he...... gets outside for a brisk walk. The end. That is not about interacting with others of course but I like the back to basics very specific approach.

    Finding a voice in oneself to me should not be more than perhaps the very overarching mantra/broad goal unless the person is highly motivated to get down to the nitty gritty. By getting down to the nitty gritty -by acting in ways that show contribution -to another person, to a group, to a community, real, concrete actions - and by acting in ways that show you give a darn about yourself -drinking more water, brisk walking or dancing or even angry-cleaning, sleep routines that help prevent insomnia, etc - then in hindsight that voice will come -your own true authentic voice. I know -and see on Facebook -too many people who are constantly looking for and adopting the next trendy phrase or app or "self-care challenge" - and spinning their wheels and spending money they don't have, calling themselves coaches or looking for a "coach" etc.

    Big disclaimer -none of this is to respond specifically to what you suggested. I am not saying you suggested all of this or even part of this - my post responds to your mistaken impression that I have it all together and always have, that I am always content or know what's best, etc - but much of what I wrote is unrelated to what you wrote. It's a general opinion. Its relevance to what you wrote is minor at best.

    I think the OP can as you put it be "in a mind space of knowing and accepting I'm enough just because I am" - by being out there in the world. And then returning home or wherever it is that she spends solitary time and letting things gel naturally. Maybe with some breathing techniques or yoga (especially the breathing -4-7-8 Weil method breathing is so centering I find!) - but to me the focus should be out there in the world/back to basics.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    I deleted my reply because I do not care to defend myself or my opinions on an anonymous forum.

    what you read into it is what you get.
    Last edited by Lambert; 09-28-2020 at 11:02 AM.

  11. #20
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    Originally Posted by Lambert
    no offense was intended on my part. It was rather written as a compliment.
    edited to add I didn't say you had it all together and always have. I said from your posts,, you seem content in your life, your choices and have the ability to know how to achieve your goals.
    Nope not to that extent. I've worked really hard to know how to achieve each of my goals. And I work hard now on other goals -particularly those related to parenting and even more narrowly parenting during this pandemic. I am "content" for the most part and have not always been for sure. Content in quotes as it varies of course. I really do thank you kindly for the compliment and very sorry if I misunderstood.

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