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Thread: Would you end things over a statement that was made?

  1. #1
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    Would you end things over a statement that was made?

    Iíve been talking to this guy for three months who is three hours away. His job moves him around everywhere but we both are looking for a relationship. It has been a little hard the distance but we have been trying.
    We have had one disagreement over political beliefs but decided we liked each other more than that disagreement. His work does cause us to cancel many dates. Itís also talking about moving him again but itís not final. He didnít want to stop talking.
    We were discussing dating and how to make a long distance relationship work if we decided to date. He said at first he saw us working but in time getting harder. That in all honesty from his experience that long distance doesnít usually work. I then asked if he was one of those guys who change girls when he changes location or if he was with a girl just in the moment.
    He got so mad at me, saying I was making assumptions about him that were not true. He got really offended.
    I tried genuinely apologizing and even explaining my concerns. I tried texting wanting to work things out and accepting I was wrong. He just ignored me.
    I finally messaged him a final good bye saying that long distance would never work if we have no communication. That thatís all you have in a long distance relationship. That if you wonít talk and work through your problems that it would never work. That no one is perfect and makes mistakes. All types of relationships have fights or disagreements but itís how you handle them that makes and breaks them. Running away never fixes anything. If this mistake meant more to him then me we have nothing.
    Would you break it off with someone over this? Is he over reacting?

  2. #2
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    Sounds like he was looking to end things anyway. I personally can't stand when negative generalizations like that are made about anyone -especially about men - men get such a bad rap sometimes like they're only after sex, they only care about looks and ridiculous generalizations like that. So I can see where you truly offended him by lumping him in with some negative stereotype you heard or created. He is right. Long distance often doesn't work. Mine worked for very specific reasons that took it out of the typical long distance where you don't know the person to begin with.
    You're not dating him -he's someone you're a penpal with and you're planning on meeting someday -or, you were. My guess is he met someone local, he was already losing interest and your negativity was the last straw. I'm sorry.

  3. #3
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    I guess your right. Because he doesn't seem to care anymore based on him ignoring me.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    He seems rude and childish, OP. Let him go. Whatever his reasons, this is not working. For all you know, you may have hit the nail on the head and he got scared.

    Move on with your life. You don't need this. Stay away from long distance set ups and date locally or not at all. Don't settle for so little.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    Jeanie:

    Talking to someone for three months (or any number of months) via internet and/or phone is actually quite meaningless. You have never even met in person. This is not a relationship.

    Also, what exactly does this mean?

    "His work does cause us to cancel many dates"

    You mean cancel an actual real life date, or an on-screen "date".

    He didn't break it off, as there was nothing to break off.

    You will do much better if you seek dates in real life.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    You dodged a bullet. He was just looking for a 'thing' to warrant bolting, and he took the first available.

    You've learned to reframe any future questions of someone to sound less accusatory, more curious. But no, you're not some bad, bad girl who lost a guy over such a slight. He was already gone for his own reasons.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Since LDRs are quite difficult, don't get involved with someone like this. It sounds like he's married or hiding something. Date locally and meet up asap.
    Originally Posted by gijeanie
    Iíve been talking to this guy for three months who is three hours away.
    His work does cause us to cancel many dates.

  9. #8
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    Your probably right. We talked all the time so it sucks and kind of hurts but nothing is left to do. I deleted his messages and number. I think acting like this when he is 44 years old instead of just coming out and saying "its completely over its never going to work," instead of just ignoring me says a lot after 3 months of constant talking.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    Jeanie:

    this I just cannot understand:

    ".....3 months of constant talking."

    Wiseman is right:

    "Date locally and meet up asap".


  11. #10
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    You should be able to ask a general question. you weren't saying he was anything, right? If you were asking a question, that is a big difference.

    So I would see his reacting in a negative angry way, as more about him than anything. If you don't know a person, it's not an insult to inquire. A person with nothing to really hide would laugh it off.

    Anger and defensiveness are two very big red flags. At least that is my experience. Its either stemming from a deep rooted poor sense of self or a mechanism to control others or the situation.

    So this guy probably is not such a great catch...

    Long distance relationships are hard to maintain. they usually only work if the relationship is already established prior to the distance. Even then it can be super hard. each person is growing and changing, potentially not together in the way that supports the relationship.

    You should ask yourself, why are you willing to consider a "relationship" that is basically with a phone?

    And what is going on with this guy that he is, too?

    We can't make decisions on potential. they must be made on what actually is. This guy is not in your town. Is unable to actually spend time with you. Three months in, you weren't even dating. A total waste of time in reality.

    Were you holding off meeting someone local? Don't do that. Talk to a lot of prospects. Sure if there is one that seems more interesting, put more effort into getting together sooner rather than later.

    Don't waste your time. One cancel per person... any more is a pattern. In general
    raise your standards. It's the only way to actually get better people in your life. You have to reject what isn't working for you to make room for what works.

    If you're not meeting a lot of great guys at the moment, change your focus to family, work, friends, personal interests. That way you're not settling or being stagnate in your own life and journey.

    There's more to life than romantic pursuits.

    Hang in there!

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