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Thread: Breakup out of the blue, was it limerence/infatuation?

  1. #21
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    I guess you all are right. Now i feel like i've been manipulated even if she didnt mean it. Lesson learned!

  2. #22
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    Absolutely DF!

    "In fact, people who are in an emotionally good place to date, won't be interested in discussing their past relationships, ex's, disappointments, etc. They'll be much more interested in the present - getting to know you, having a good time learning about each other. No fake bonding over "problems"."

  3. #23
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    Well I think it's true, it's not you, it's her! She actually doesn't sound emotionally mature or stable. At least not in romantic relationships. She's not a teenager, she's 28 years old. So after one week of dating acting like you're a perfect movie couple, meeting parents, talking about having kids, is crazy. A lot of people post on these forums about their relationships that moved too fast and they were very "crash and burn". A healthy relationship takes plenty of time to actually develop. If after a couple of weeks someone is saying things like: "You're the one, I wanna have kids with you", most likely they are just projecting. They don't really know you yet and this kind of behaviour shows they just so desperately want "someone". And after a couple of months they dump you because they realise you don't actually match the fantasy they had of you in their mind.

  4. #24
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    Yes..Well talking about what we want in a couple at the beginning I agree, like to say one time i want children.
    Here its more the way she said it "i want to have children with YOU" that sounds ...weird.
    Plus I guess if she really "loved" me..love doesn't fade within a week right ?
    Nice day to everyone!

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Unfortunately it seems like she's either a hooker or crazy. If you want to continue having sex, with her expect your pet to be boiling on your stove one day

  7. #26
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    I won't contact her anymore. Also the fact she always wanted to cuddle because her ex husband (she was married once) didnt give her any cuddle at all really makes me think she projected what she wanted on me and once she got to know who i really was...she ended it. I can understand that passion fade, but i think here it was really some emotionnal stuff she was carrying on from her past.
    If she hadn't given me those red flags, i would have just thought it was infatuation and thats it. But here when I open my eyes...definitely should have seen it coming!

  8. #27
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    She sounds unstable and flaky. I think you dodged a bulet.

  9. #28
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    Hi guys! For those of you who remember, i initially said I tried to ask for answers but she didn't reply. I deleted her number, following your advice and went in total no contact to move on. But 1 week after, i saw a text from an unknown number..she replied...! Remember when she told me her life was not good, she didn't know what the problem was?

    Well her reply was "I needed space because I was bad and you totally did the contrary!!"

    Space for what?? It naturally let me wonder if it was my fault...honestly i really did not harass her at that time. I said i was there for her, then let a few days pass, but she just continued texting me like a stranger. So I was just bad and tried to understand why she acted coldly against me. I think it's a natural reaction to ask what was wrong, am I right? I mean if she was not able to communicate what the hell was going wrong or at least reassure me it wasn't me..how was I suppose to act, to deal with it?. Accept her coldness and wait for her to maybe explain me one time what was the problem?. Is it really right to act so if she really "loved me"? Is it really how an healthy relationship is supposed to work? Let the other without explanation and without reassuring him, just saying " i don't know what's wrong, you cannot help me" and then continuing to act cold ? Was I wrong in the first place in trying to make her speak about what the problem was? Was I wrong to feel bad and sad and express my fear? If she really told me it was not against me, that she loved me and just need time, i would have understand and let her think. But here i had nothing to reassure me! If she really did throw everything just because of my simple demand for explanations, isn't it totally insane?

    I know you guys will probably tell me i did right..but it really let me wonder...it's like she accused me like "if you cannot handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best".

    Thank you all for your invaluable support in those hard times.
    Last edited by James Pohn; 09-29-2020 at 03:56 AM.

  10. #29
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    No, that's not how a healthy relationship works. The whole situation seems blurry and confusing. One thing is certain - you don't seem happy at all. I don't think you're yourself when you're around her. Maybe it's her looks or the sexual chemistry you both had that's throwing you off. Leave her alone from now onwards. This isn't someone reliable. Stay away from individuals who don't seem to know what they want or aren't confident in themselves. If she was, she'd be a bit more down to earth and level with you. I'm sorry this is happening.

  11. #30
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    Hi Rose Mosse, thank you for your replay.
    Yes, i found her reply unfair. It's like blaming me for something.. and honestly i am ready to understand the other one if something is wrong. If someone needs time and just say "i love you, it's not you the problem" then i would of course give her time. Even if she said somethig honnest like "I think we moved too fast i need time" i would understand. But here, nothing to reassure me.

    And now i feel bad because i shed a tear when i saw how cold she was with me after a few days of barely textiing/acting cold face to face. And when she saw me she just said to me "you shouldn't overreact like that".

    But i guess with all what you guys told me, from the beginnig and all the red flags, i guess i didn't overreacted and that she really had problems. But yes, that accusation of "not letting space" was hard to hear

    I think all what she said was unreal (children, "i love you", "keep me for life"), and as you all told me, was just a projection..because if she really had loved me, she would have understood my state and communicated with me, even if she had problems in her life. And real love doesn't fade like that in a matter of days...

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