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Thread: Breakup out of the blue, was it limerence/infatuation?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Keep your chin up. It stinks to get blindsided by a breakup... regardless of her love bombing and red flags, you trusted and liked this person.

    You deserved better. So what do you do now? You treat yourself better. Don't reach out again. Delete and block this person. Hang with your friends and family. You'll get through this and meet someone else.

    And when you do, use this experience to make better decisions. Mainly, time and actions... when someone goes full speed ahead without really even knowing you and makes comments about their own mental state ie insecurities and doubts without you doing anything to make them feel this, pull back. protect your feelings.

    that's what red flags are for, to protect you. next time don't ignore them. see people for what they show you, not what you wish they could be.

    we've all been there.. making dumb decisions because we like the person.... it is rough but when you do better for yourself, you'll get out of these situations sooner and feel more confident.

    cause really that's what you probably lacked... that confidence that you could do better... so you tolerated what you should not have.

    if I had a nickel for every person that fell victim to this at least once

  2. #12
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    OP. You got your warning there:

    "Sometimes, she said some strange stuff like " you will dump me in a few month like everyone else" or that "i will be afraid when i will see her dark side"."

    Melodramatic instability, that's what that is.

    What Lambert said:

    "that's what red flags are for, to protect you. next time don't ignore them. see people for what they show you, not what you wish they could be."
    Last edited by LaHermes; 09-25-2020 at 11:58 AM.

  3. #13
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    Yes, she was indeed quite hot, if i may say so! I was totally under her charm. But at least knew i hadn't any "love feelings" after a so short period. I didnt' say "i love you too" when she said it.. just said i need more time!

  4. #14
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by James Pohn
    Yes, she was indeed quite hot, if i may say so! I was totally under her charm. But at least knew i hadn't any "love feelings" after a so short period. I didnt' say "i love you too" when she said it.. just said i need more time!
    Well...not quite totally under her charm. Your head might have been in the clouds, but you did keep at least one foot firmly on the ground. So give yourself credit for that.

    Might have been just a one off for you. Like other posters have said, whirlwind romance, love bombing - it happens. It's just important to recognize it quickly for what it is and something tells me that you will going forward.

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  6. #15
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    Thank you To all for your time and kind words/advices.
    only regret with such intense relationships: it will be hard to find such a great sexual connection. But there is not only that to form a couple, so i have to be patient !

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by James Pohn
    it will be hard to find such a great sexual connection.

  8. #17
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    @Dancingfool: and also why i didnt see those as redflags since the beginning is partly because she told me how disapointed she was in men. I just felt i had to reassure her.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member SooSad33's Avatar
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    I met a girl (28) and things started really quickly. After a week, i saw her parents, after 2 weeks she said she wanted to have children with me and that she loved me. She also asked me if " i wanted to keep her for life"
    - Moving way too fast! She was very insecure. ( so much in 2 months?) Takes a good while to get to know someone.

    Sometimes, she said some strange stuff like " you will dump me in a few month like everyone else" or that "i will be afraid when i will see her dark side".
    - Uh huh... Red flags.

    "its not you it's me". Now, after 2 weeks, i processed it but thought about it a lot, and have a lot of questions. I tried to contact her to talk about that, but she didn't answer.
    - Nooo, no no... Back away- stay away.. You dodged a bullet.. Totally odd, unstable behaviour- You don;t want/need.

    I am left alone trying to understand how it is possible to go from 100% to 0% in a matter of days
    - Right.. Not Normal.

    Move along. Do not bother with her again.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    As good a line as any I suppose!

    "she told me how disapointed she was in men."

    Bet those men were disappointed too, once the spurious charm wore off.

    Imagine saying this:

    "She also asked me if " i wanted to keep her for life""




  11. #20
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by James Pohn
    @Dancingfool: and also why i didnt see those as redflags since the beginning is partly because she told me how disapointed she was in men. I just felt i had to reassure her.
    Ah yes, but that's kind of a manipulative damsel in distress line and yeah, it works - you thought you could prove yourself to her and rescue her, because you know that you are a decent guy. Next time you hear that - RUUUUUUUNNNNN.

    Healthy women don't go into dating hating or disappointed in men. Even if they had some bad experiences, they will take some time out to work it out, get it out of their system so that when they do date, they actually are genuinely open to a real connection. Basically, if you are looking for a relationship, look for a person who is in a healthy place to engage in one. No damsels in distress need apply.

    In fact, people who are in an emotionally good place to date, won't be interested in discussing their past relationships, ex's, disappointments, etc. They'll be much more interested in the present - getting to know you, having a good time learning about each other. No fake bonding over "problems".

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