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Thread: Been a while and now back in dating game

  1. #31
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    Do you have time for a quick drink one evening? If not how about this:

    Hi ________, My weekend is full but I would really like to get to know you better, is there a good time we could talk on the phone instead of texting?

    The kiss thing is what it is. Next time lean in about halfway or a little more and if she leans in the rest of the way kiss her. Don't get all tongue crazy just a nice kiss then lean back just a little and look in her eyes and smile and if she smiles back lean back in and add some spice to it. Don't turn it into a make out session though because you will start thinking with the wrong head!

    Seems like she is interested but not sold and is thinking about it as you should be as well. Get a phone call in and see how you feel afterwards. I know young people don't talk on the phone and text instead but remember any other guy she is talking to is just texting so you can be different and make a better impression and connection with a phone call.

    I am glad the date went well but texts are impossible to read anyone's intentions.

    Date and learn as you go...

    Lost

  2. #32
    Silver Member cingularity83's Avatar
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    So I thought I would provide an update for you guys. Often times we give advice on here but never know how things ended up going

    So the girl and I went on our third date yesterday afternoon and all seemed well for the most part. After the date I sent her the usual I had a great time on the date type text.

    Well she replied back saying that she also had a great time as well and then went on to say that she hates sending these kinda text but she is not sure that she feels the same way about me as I do for her and that at first she was going to leave my text unanswered but she just wanted to be honest with me.

    I replied back to her saying that there are no hard feelings at all, I understand! Some times we can't help how we feel.
    I told her that nevertheless I appreciate the honesty and that I still had fun the few times we got to hangout, and then said I wished her the very best in all areas/ aspects of her life, take care

    and that's all folks...... the curtains has drawn on the Y & E saga.
    To be honest I actually feel kinda happy to know that my intuition was right all along. It feels like a dark cloud has been lifted over me and weirdly enough I feel a bit more relaxed, calm and at peace with myself again (some thing I haven't really been feeling the past couple weeks since I started talking to her).

    I also want to add that often times during this kind of thing it's easy to just think about my feelings but I've had to do what she did at various points over the course of my dating life and it's not always an easy thing to do either to have to reject some one knowing that you are bound to hurt someone's feelings.

  3. #33
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Thanks for the update. Sorry to hear that. Glad she was straight up about things.
    Originally Posted by cingularity83
    I replied back to her saying that there are no hard feelings at all, I understand! Some times we can't help how we feel.

  4. #34
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    I'm sorry it didn't work out and glad to hear you feel a sense of relief! Thank you for updating.

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  6. #35
    Silver Member ShySoul's Avatar
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    cingularity83,

    Sorry things didn't work out better. One thing I was thinking whole reading through your saga is that you seem like you're trying to plan everything out and examine every facet of what is going on. What I've found, and what several women have advised me, is to not think so much. Try to be in the moment and just enjoy what is happening. Not everything has to be a sign of how well things are or are not going. When you do that, you put more stress on yourself thinking you have to do things a certain way. You risk misinterpreting signals ("no onions" was not a sign to kiss her lol). And you might miss out on the little things, the moments that make all of this worth it. Don't worry about how much you text/call, if you're having fun doing it, then do it. Don't hesitate writing to write the perfect text, go with what you're heart/gut is telling you. Don't plan for the perfect kiss, you'll feel the right moment and then you seize it.

    I've never been a fan of calling dating/relationships a "game." I don't think there should be rules or strategies to follow. Every person and every couple is different. What works for one, doesn't work for another. So just focus on the person you are with and try to be in the moment with her. If you connect and she likes what you are doing, who cares what the rules say.

  7. #36
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    Originally Posted by ShySoul
    cingularity83,

    Sorry things didn't work out better. One thing I was thinking whole reading through your saga is that you seem like you're trying to plan everything out and examine every facet of what is going on. What I've found, and what several women have advised me, is to not think so much. Try to be in the moment and just enjoy what is happening. Not everything has to be a sign of how well things are or are not going. When you do that, you put more stress on yourself thinking you have to do things a certain way. You risk misinterpreting signals ("no onions" was not a sign to kiss her lol). And you might miss out on the little things, the moments that make all of this worth it. Don't worry about how much you text/call, if you're having fun doing it, then do it. Don't hesitate writing to write the perfect text, go with what you're heart/gut is telling you. Don't plan for the perfect kiss, you'll feel the right moment and then you seize it.

    I've never been a fan of calling dating/relationships a "game." I don't think there should be rules or strategies to follow. Every person and every couple is different. What works for one, doesn't work for another. So just focus on the person you are with and try to be in the moment with her. If you connect and she likes what you are doing, who cares what the rules say.
    I believe for people who want serious relationships in doing both -enjoying the moments and keeping your eye on the common goals-making sure you two are on the same wavelength -if you are then overthinking typically isn't an issue.

    I think some general strategies work better than others- people are individuals and those individuals who want a more traditional relationship do better keeping their eye on guidelines that generally work. Why? Because people often lose their bearings when they are infatuated in the beginning or insecure because of strong feelings -so external guidelines -not games -are grounding.

    For example when I dated I wanted a traditional relationship -I wanted a man who wanted to do more of the asking out in the beginning, wanted a man who wanted that and understood why men like that got turned off when a woman who was strong and confident and often was a leader in the professional world insisted on taking the lead and doing more of the asking out - "I mean it's 2000 and I lead a team of men and women at work -of course I should do what I feel like and be a leader when I meet a guy I like!" -

    some individual women only feel comfortable taking the lead and being in control in a romantic relationship so for them the guidelines of "let the man do more of the calling/asking out in the beginning/show your interest in other ways" make no sense -they do not want a traditional relationship. Still other women lie to themselves -they do want a traditional relationship but lack the patience and confidence to let the man take the lead in asking out. So they tell themselves they're comfortable with asking out, comfortable with casual sex -I mean "everyone" does that and who needs a silly label anyway- but they're being dishonest with themselves.

    That so often leads to being jaded and cynical about men. So I caution women especially not to tell themselves to "just enjoy the moment" with a man who doesn't have the same goals, and not to equate professional leadership with having to take the lead by asking out men most of the time in their personal lives - not to do just what "feels good" if that's because they're infatuated or not sober or trying to be the cool girl who is comfy with casual hookups

    For sure women who want a fling, casual dating, a sexual arrangement -then the goals don't matter if that is what they truly want -then they should just enjoy the moments and not overthink the future, which is irrelevant in that situation.

    Also in general people move towards pleasure and away from pain -that is true of almost all healthy, stable people so the individual differences often are not as relevant given that basic truth.

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