Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 3 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast
Results 21 to 30 of 36

Thread: Been a while and now back in dating game

  1. #21
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    4,245
    I'm sure that's fine. Keep it short and to the point.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Posts
    2,123
    In future donít ask someone out without giving at least a specific day and rough time.
    As in donít suggest the weekend , suggest Friday evening or Saturday afternoon etc.

    Because from the get go you have basically told her you will keep the weekend free for her if she decides to come back and say yes. But that seems a little , not desperate but suggestive that you have little else going on in your life which is not attractive to others.

    I doubt her ďcousinĒ said letís catch up on the weekend without giving a suggested day. But her response to you was that she might be catching up with her ďcousinĒ on the weekend and would let you know.
    Except she didnít let you know until Friday which was rude.

    If she told her actual cousin that she has a date and arrange a meet with her cousin around that , her cousin would or should be more than happy to accomodate that. Since they didnít clearly have any concrete plans in place.

    As for responding to her text suggesting Sunday afternoon , no do not suggest in text that she should remember you are working. She is likely texting multiple people including her ďcousinĒ which Iím guessing you have assumed I doubt itís her cousin. But was waiting to be asked out by another, someone whom at this point she favours over you even though it might be unfair favouring as she likely hasnít met him yet.

    I would suggest you respond with ďSounds good, Iím free from 12pm until 3pm. Did you have something to do in mind? If not , thereís a great cafe at X, we could meet there for coffee and go from there? ď

    Let us know how it goes ! Good luck!

    Btw itís ok if she is multi dating as you should be too , but you canít expect others to be respectful of your time , if you arenít respecting it yourself. Which you didnít really when you left a whole weekend open for her.

    If she responds with something like she is only free from 2pm , then say, sorry that doesnít work for me. As Iím working that evening , how about drinks next Friday night?

    If she canít commit to that and doesnít suggest an alternate date then forget it.

  3. #23
    Silver Member cingularity83's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Posts
    388
    Gender
    Male
    I canít even dispute or disagree with ANY thing you just said. Thatís very sound advice!

    I guess when you think you like someone you tend to sorta kinda bend the rules a lil bit for them and give them a longer leash than you other wise might.

    Iím not the kinda person that likes to make the same mistakes twice!

    Next time this kinda thing happens Iíll know what to do & how to handle things

    Thank you very much to you and to all

  4. #24
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    California
    Age
    56
    Posts
    8,098
    Gender
    Male
    I am 56 and I am still learning things dating wise as it is a moving target but the biggest thing is to develop thick skin and not take rejection personally.

    You are doing fine so just refine a few things, be yourself and have fun!

    Lost

  5.  

  6. #25
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    California
    Age
    56
    Posts
    8,098
    Gender
    Male
    I forgot to ask how the date went?

    Lost

  7. #26
    Silver Member cingularity83's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Posts
    388
    Gender
    Male
    Originally Posted by lostandhurt
    I forgot to ask how the date went?

    Lost
    Hi there friend, at your age I'm sure your experiences are far greater than mine is at this point, and I can tell because you seem to be very sure and precise about how to handle things and situations.

    As for the update - I hate it when people ask for advice and forget to provide an update so at least people know whether things was a success or not and here I am completely forgetting to do so.

    So the date went well! Conversation flowed well without any awkward pauses or silent moment! After the event I had planned for us we went out to grab a bite to eat and chatted some more before I had to get ready to leave for work.

    Her car was parked a bit farther away from mine and where we were sitting at to eat lunch. As the date was getting ready to end I was thinking about how I could find the perfect (perfect in my head at least) opportunity to give her a kiss....... so as we got up and cleared our table I made the comment saying I'd give her a ride to her car and she said that would be nice.

    So when we got to her car I noticed it seems like she was in a hurry to get out the car (at least from my perspective)
    Now from prior dating experiences in situations like this, a girl would linger just a bit longer for an extra few minutes hoping a guy would make an initial move and use the opportunity to kiss her. (I'd say being in the car is the closest we've been to being "alone together" without having many other people around.

    So as she mentioned that she had a great time and I said I did as well....... so maybe I read the situation wrong or something but as we both leaned in for a hug I decided right then and there to go for in for kissing her (and well that's where things got awkward). Like I've kissed many girls before (and heck even girls that I've been out with where there wasn't any personality sparks/ chemistry have kissed me more passionately than that). I just didn't feel any kind of passion from the kiss (maybe she was caught off guard or not ready/ prepared?) I dunno..... I can only go by the results of what happened in the end. I did notice that while we were ordering lunch and she got what she wanted (she made sure to tell me to let the person taking our order know that she didn't want any onions in her food) and at the time I was thinking to myself if she had said that because she was anticipating that maybe perhaps I was going to try and kiss her as the date ended and well I guess no one likes to eat onions before kissing someone.

    Anyway, so as she was getting out my car she said send me a text on your lunch break and I said okay I will.

    So that was Sunday and we've been in constant communication texting since then..... well the perfect opportunity arrived today. I just woke up a few minutes ago and saw that she had replied to my text in a way that really didn't provide an extension to carry on the conversation so I was like ok, this might be the perfect opportunity for me to reply back with a text that she doesn't warrant a reply from her and maybe perhaps I can just cool down on the texting and just let things "breathe" for a bit between us so I can get a clearer picture since she's so hard to read it seems like.

    Well I guess that plan didn't work since she just replied to my text with a question for me

    For better Context here is the text exchanges

    Me - "How was life like growing up for you.... did you grow up in a diverse area? I know it's not like you grew up in Dakota or Montana or anything like that so I'm assuming that you probably interacted with people of all ethnic backgrounds while growing up as a lil kid huh?"

    Her reply to that - "Yes I would say I grew up in a diverse area. Hell my family is diverse lol. Many nationalities and my cousin is mixed"



    So when I first initially saw her reply when I woke up I was going back and forth on if it's a text that warranted a reply or if I should just use the opportunity to just leave it alone.

    The way I usually go about doing things normally is if someone sends me a text asking a specific question then I feel like I need to reply to the text because not doing so would just be rude.

    If someone makes a text that's more a comment then I can choose to either say something and extend the conversation if I have something interesting to say or if I don't then I'll just keep quiet rather than try to force a conversation

    So as you can see from her text it was just more of a general comment rather than asking a specific question.

    But I said to myself I'll just reply with a comment myself that shouldn't really warrant any reply from her unless she chooses to to extend the conversation herself

    So my reply back to her last text was - "Oh okay, I sorta kinda guessed right on that one lol, I figured I couldn't go wrong with assuming that since NJ is sandwiched right between Philly and NYC"

    Usually when we are texting we don't respond right away (maybe an average of an hour between) sometimes longer if I'm at work because I can ONLY be on my phone when on lunch break so we have kind of settled into a groove of responding to each other's texts that way.

    Well after my last text above I noticed she just texted back in 20 minutes with this

    Her - "Yea I grew up in NYC a lot"

    followed by - "What brought your family to this area?"

    So it seems like she has chosen to extend the conversation............, I haven't responded yet since I'm on here typing away.

    At this point I'm not even sure the next course of action to follow any more. I have no idea how to read this girl at all.

    Ok, I know I wrote quite a lot but I wanted to give FULL detailed information and provide context to help paint a bigger picture of where things currently stand.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    52,142
    I think you're texting far too much without another planned date - day and time. Lots of assumptions on your part (fyi- I wouldn't have ordered onion either -because as for many people -raw onions don't agree with me). I dated through online sites when we had messenger. I wouldn't message much with a new person unless we had a date planned and even then I limited it. i'd get to know her more in person. i'm surprised you planned out the kiss but didn't plan as to how to make plans for the next date?

  9. #28
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    40,332
    Gender
    Male
    If you like her/had a good time, ask her out again. Either way lay back on all the texting.

  10. #29
    Silver Member cingularity83's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Posts
    388
    Gender
    Male
    Originally Posted by Batya33
    I think you're texting far too much without another planned date - day and time. Lots of assumptions on your part (fyi- I wouldn't have ordered onion either -because as for many people -raw onions don't agree with me). I dated through online sites when we had messenger. I wouldn't message much with a new person unless we had a date planned and even then I limited it. i'd get to know her more in person. i'm surprised you planned out the kiss but didn't plan as to how to make plans for the next date?
    I donít have the weekend free coming up so thatís why I havenít made any plans or arrangements for a next date.

    Last time at the end of our first date I had initiated plans for a follow up date because I knew ahead of time that my weekend was free, but she had a wedding to go to that weekend,
    so it wasnít until this last Wednesday that just passed that I had asked her out on the date we just went to this last Sunday


    This time around I know I wonít have the weekend free so I didnít even want to put myself in a situation where Iím making plans if I know I wonít have time.

    I guess alternative would be to make plans for a date for 2 weekend in advance....

    And how do you go about limiting the texting? Just ignore & not respond to texts?

    Or just be blunt and let the other person know that youíre not into texting before getting to know them?

    I mean at this stage I donít know how Iíd go about saying that to her since at this point weíve already been texting with constant communication.

    I feel like if it was something I had made clear from the get go then at least it would be different than if I was to just choose to say it now?

  11. #30
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    52,142
    My future husband made a plan for our first real date two weeks in advance because he was going out of town. So?
    Here's what I would do. "I am so enjoying our texting and I've realized I'm getting busy and distracted - so how about we get together on _____ and let's text beforehand to confirm if we have to -that way we'll have plenty to talk about when we see each other!"

    When my husband and I were dating we were long distance a lot of the time. We spoke every night by phone for at least 20 minutes and we emailed some during the day. (I didn't have a cell phone until my third trimester, years later lol). The phone calls were great - often meaningful, sometimes small talk, or a hybrid and often lots of laughter. But we had plenty to talk about in person. We still do. Now we text from other rooms lol sometimes so our son doesn't overhear! We saw each other a number of times a week and when we were long distance about every 10 days or so.

Page 3 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast

Videos


Maintaining A Strong Relationship

Detaching From a Malignant Man

Divorced Parents Prefer Technology and Social Media As Communication Tool

Wedding Jitters Could Be a Predictor for a Future Divorce

Botox Fights Depression And Makes You Feel Happier

Men Are More Sensitive than Women when Having Relationship Problems
Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •