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Thread: Why I can't get over my husband porn use?

  1. #31
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    Irene,

    If porn is causing an issue in the relationship then it is a problem. It doesn't have to be porn, it could be sports, drinking, outside activities or friends. Anything that takes you both away from each other could be a problem if it makes one of you feel unwanted. That could be feeling unwanted sexually, emotionally, as a companion or partner.

    He should have never said that since you weren't in the mood or want sex as much as he does he turned to porn. That wasn't right of him and you shouldn't think that having sex with him is your duty as his wife and since you didn't want to as much as he did this was somehow partly your fault.

    More communication will help immensely here. I am sure he would rather make love to you than his hand right? Talk about how often you would like to be intimate and when you feel in the mood. In the morning, afternoon or evenings. Be brave and tell him what he does that rocks your world and what gets your motor running and he can do the same. It took a while to get where you are at so it will take a little time to get back to where you both are feeling things are solid and fun again.

    The porn and masturbation is easy. There is no chance he will get turned down and feel undesired, there is no chance he will disappoint them and he can release his urges and not bother you.

    Anything that replaces something in a relationship instead of adding to the relationship is not good, this time it is porn.

    Ask him, not tell him to stop viewing porn for a month while you two work on more passion and intimacy in your marriage. That means all the time, not just in the bedroom. Remember when you were young and would come up behind each other and grab and hold each other? Remember the random kisses just because? Holding hands?

    I think this could be just the catalyst you two needed to get into the next phase of your lives.

    Best wishes
    Lost Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #32

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    Thankyou for your kind words I want nothing more then for us to be OK. The porn issue isn't that bad but how he chose to lie about it that's what bothers me the most. But I agree maybe I'm letting things cloud my judgement and I have to know that our relationship isn't everyone's and I don't push him away.

  3. #33
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    Irene.

    Irene. Exactly what Lost just wrote:

    "....while you two work on more passion and intimacy in your marriage. That means all the time, not just in the bedroom. Remember when you were young and would come up behind each other and grab and hold each other? Remember the random kisses just because? Holding hands?"

    Aside from which it might be advisable to work on this aspect of yourself:

    "My insecurities get the best of me."

  4. #34
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Since he has always dabbled in porn, but things haven't been right for the last 3 years...it's not the porn. Troubles in a marriage is layers of things. Having kids, change of job, money issues, responsibilities, a death in the family, etc will make us pull apart from each other when we should be adjusting, and being aware of the changes. Yet we get so absorbed with lose focus on being as a romantic couple. We can get lonely, feel neglected, lose that connection. It's good that you two have caught it, and are working on things. Insecurities, etc will go away in time, as the process to make things better continues. It's better to focus on what has been accomplished, and on the goals you both want to achieve. Keep looking forward with a positive attitude.

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