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Thread: New Roommate's Mood Swings

  1. #1
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    New Roommate's Mood Swings

    Hi all,

    Hope all is well.

    I've been facing something rather interesting with the new roommate. She moved in 2 months ago. During the interview process, she advised that she was living on her own, her lease was up and she wanted to have roommates during the pandemic as living on her own drove her a bit crazy. She was fine the first week and I noticed some odd things:

    1. A week after she had moved in, she already asked if she could bring people over during the pandemic. Although not ideal, she invited a person over and then kept inviting her boyfriend unannounced every Thursday evening for a sleepover. The first time she invited her boyfriend over, I wasn't aware and I walked into the kitchen to grab some water after my run only to see him there lying on the couch in pajamas. I was polite and said: "Hi, how are you" then a minute later, she told him: "I have a feeling she wants us to exit, let's go". I didn't say anything at all. I was minding my own business in the kitchen and just wanted to do what I had to do quickly and exit.

    2. Unfortunately, we work from home (well, only the two of us, the third tenant works from his office). Originally, we were working from the kitchen table together during the day. One evening, I decided to watch TV (which I never do as I tend to stay away from the common area past business hours) and I went to the bathroom for 5 minutes. She turned the TV off on the basis of the fact she had to study. Fine, I didn't say anything. The TV is in a common area and she spent all day there, but OK.

    3. She went on holidays and came back. I greeted her and said "Hi, welcome back, how was your break". She just responded: "Yeah OK". I noticed she only gives short answers, even with our third roommate, hence I assumed she was tired or maybe didn't want to talk. She was fine the following day.

    4. Then comes the issue of where she walks in and never says "Hi" to anyone. If you greet her, she either 1. won't respond or 2. be very dry. No smile, nothing (she doesn't have to smile, but if she's not going to respond, at least she can nod or smile). No, she just doesn't acknowledge greetings whether from me or the third tenant. Today, she walked into the kitchen, I said "Hi" no response and she walked in again when the other guy was there, she didn't greet him either. At some point, I'm going to stop greeting her altogether - if it's a one way street & no response.

    5. Yesterday and today, she has been acting quite offensive. For instance, I went out to grab lunch and came back, sat on the couch to eat lunch as she was at the kitchen table working. As soon as I sat there, she left. Right. Then today, again, no greeting and she kept slamming doors left right and center. She also invited her boyfriend over, when we are undergoing another lockdown and cases are rising.

    I'm bending over and backwards to be accommodating (e.g.: leaving the living room at 7pm even when I want to relax to give her space to study, wake up before her to give her time alone in the morning, exit the common area around lunch break to give her some breathing space and even accept guests during a pandemic). Yet, she can't be bothered to show us an ounce of respect by at least greeting us.

    She also advised that she moved 6 times in the last 2 years (no wonder) and never lasted more than a few months in a place. She & I work in the same company, so I certainly don't want her in my business nor do I care about hers. Whilst I can appreciate her being private (we had other roommates who were just as private), to me this is odd behavior for someone who has just moved in. Mood swings happen, this is not an easy situation to be in at all, but you make an effort when you've just moved in claiming you wanted roommates yet can't bring yourself to say "Hi".

    This made me so uncomfortable today that I had to just leave the house and go work from somewhere else.

    I'm currently looking for a new place as I have enough to focus on without having to worry about a roommate's mood swings. I've been living in this apartment & the third tenant for the last 4 years. I keep it tidy by cleaning every Sunday and regularly during the week, throwing the bins, not inviting people over, paying the bills, bringing the mail, never watch TV etc...the only inconvenience is the WFH as I only have the kitchen as work station. I'm doing more than my fair share at this stage and I feel as though I'm slowly being treated like a doormat.

    Has anyone encountered this?

    Thanks.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Why not speak up??? and set some boundaries with all of you together at the kitchen table? You accommodate and say nothing...it's no wonder you are being treated as a doormat...Time to stop acting like one and put your foot down. Why not give her notice? You have been there for 4 years, you shouldn't be the one to leave.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Why not just ask her about her day or if something is bothering her?

  4. #4
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    Originally Posted by smackie9
    Why not speak up??? and set some boundaries with all of you together at the kitchen table? You accommodate and say nothing...it's no wonder you are being treated as a doormat...Time to stop acting like one and put your foot down. Why not give her notice? You have been there for 4 years, you shouldn't be the one to leave.
    I can't put her notice - we're in a lockdown. Evictions are against the law at the moment.
    Plus, we all have separate leases, thus only the landlord can action this.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    Rivoli

    This is so simple.

    What Smackie said:

    "Why not give her notice? You have been there for 4 years, you shouldn't be the one to leave."

    Did she say this during the interview process:

    "She also advised that she moved 6 times in the last 2 years (no wonder) and never lasted more than a few months in a place."

    And if she did would that not have started the alarm bells ringing?

  7. #6
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    Why not just ask her about her day or if something is bothering her?
    She never gives an answer beyond: "Yeah, OK/fine/etc..". I don't want to bother her to be honest.

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by LaHermes
    Rivoli

    This is so simple.

    What Smackie said:

    "Why not give her notice? You have been there for 4 years, you shouldn't be the one to leave."

    Did she say this during the interview process:

    "She also advised that she moved 6 times in the last 2 years (no wonder) and never lasted more than a few months in a place."

    And if she did would that not have started the alarm bells ringing?
    You think she would have disclosed this information during the interview? No.

    She mentioned this two weeks after she moved in, otherwise it would have been a no-go. She clearly has issues living with other people.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    Right. So it was the landlord (not you) who interviewed this person?

    And she has a lease with said landlord. You did not have a say in the matter at all?

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by LaHermes
    Right. So it was the landlord (not you) who interviewed this person?

    And she has a lease with said landlord. You did not have a say in the matter at all?
    We were stuck, basically. The previous tenant had moved out and we struggled to find a replacement due to COVID. We had a meeting with the landlord who said that weren't in a position to choose the "right fit" and we needed to find someone asap. The landlord gave us a deadline to find someone (although technically, he wouldn't have been able to evict us) or we would have needed to come to an agreement (absorb the rent or leave).

    As the landlord was putting pressure (as in texting 5 times a day on the progress), we went with this one as all the other people were not suitable or flaked. My roommate is the one who interviewed her first and said she was fine. I was away that day, so I trusted his judgment. I interviewed her over Skype, but quite frankly, I just focused on the fact that her lease was up and she wanted to move closer to the city. I assumed the landlord would do his due diligence and check references (which he didn't - he was so eager to find a tenant that due diligence went out the window).

    It was a failure on both our parts to ask about her longest tenancy and on the landlord's to run his due diligence properly.

    After she moved in, she disclosed that she was in the process of signing a lease when the prospective landlord stopped responding to her after she submitted her documents (presumably, references etc..) and she was stuck.

    I should have known the day she had the plumber over to fix her shower - the way she spoke to this guy. He actually put her in her place in front of me as she was quite rude. I was quite interesting to watch as it was the first encounter I ever saw between herself and a third party.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    So, the bottom line is that you are stuck with this tenant now.

    You may need to speak to the landlord and explain that this tenant is breaching the rules of the tenancy (bringing people in and so on).

    That aside there have to be certain ground rules in shared accommodation.

    It would seem that she may be given to uttering untruths.

    "After she moved in, she disclosed that she was in the process of signing a lease when the prospective landlord stopped responding to her after she submitted her documents (presumably, references etc..) and she was stuck.2

    That prospective landlord sounds like he knew exactly what he was dealing with.

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