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Thread: I donít know if I have a good girlfriend

  1. #1

    I donít know if I have a good girlfriend

    My girlfriend and I have been dating for a long time. My girlfriend is a pretty anxious person and I am practically always happy/optimistic. I know thatís not normal, but my gf is anxious about 30% of the time and worries a lot. She also gets overwhelmed pretty easily. We arenít getting any younger and I know I have to decide to go all in and marry her or breakup. Itís hard for me to commit myself completely knowing Iím potentially walking into a anxious/stressful life when I enjoy the opposite. Because I have never really dated anyone else, I donít know how anxious/stressed other people are. I compare my gf to me, but maybe thatís unfair to her because Iím an outlier. My question is - how often do other people get stressed/anxious? 2 days/week? 1 day/week on average? Less? More? That would really help me understand my relationship. Thank you!

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Does she go to doctors/therapist for it? You can't simply compare her to yourself. You don't need a diagnosis or percentages to end things if you're unhappy or unsuited for each other.

    Basically it sounds like you do not want to go further because of incompatibilities. That's ok, it's your first relationship so don't resent someone and string them along if you think she's "too anxious".

  3. #3
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    What does she get anxious about, and how does it manifest, OP?

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    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Good lord you had years to figure this out. Why did you stay with her in the first place?? If you don't feel comfortable being with an anxious person then why be with them?

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    You should never marry someone who you have pretty major doubts about, that's a setup for failure. How have you hung in there so long?

    I am not anxious/stressed hardly ever, like maybe every few years certainly not weekly. Last time I was stressed was when we were getting ready to move, which is enough to make anyone stressed. That was 4.5 yrs ago! My husband and friends are not stressed.

    I have one friend who calls himself anxious and he can cope with it quite well. I think your gf needs help.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Have you communicated this with her? She may think you're the cause of her stress and if not for you, her life is dandy. Speak more together and come to some sort of understanding before you throw the towel in. You may be incompatible at the moment but it doesn't mean that there isn't room left to learn if you haven't communicated with each other properly. This may be a misunderstanding. Don't hurt each others' feelings and take care with the topic.

    If she gets upset easily or misunderstands you or refuses to share more openly or have some conversation, I think you know that this is not a healthy dynamic. You should be able to speak with your partner about these things.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    If you have to ask here if you're uncertain regarding marrying your girlfriend, you've answered your own question.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member SooSad33's Avatar
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    We arenít getting any younger and I know I have to decide to go all in and marry her or breakup. Itís hard for me to commit myself completely knowing Iím potentially walking into a anxious/stressful life when I enjoy the opposite.
    - So, you feel you can't do it... hope it has not affected you? :/.

    How often do people get stressed/anxious? If this is how SHE is, it is an obvious issue.

    All are different.. yeah, you will find people are fine.. can handle stress better... but for reasons, she is like this. Not everyone is easily stressed out. Everyone is different, for reasons.
    But sounds like you have just had enough and can't take it anymore.. sadly is just how she is :/.

  10. #9
    Thank you to all. The reasons itís lasted so long is that we really do have so much in common. Sheís my best friend. But we do have that one major difference in anxiety level, which bothers me a lot.

  11. #10
    Ya, itís just hard because she really is my best friend and the good times are really great. But that 30% is rough

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