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Thread: Tom's Journal - Becoming the man I've always wanted to be

  1. #1
    Silver Member Dalesboy's Avatar
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    Tom's Journal - Becoming the man I've always wanted to be

    Hi all
    I had figured my codependency thread was becoming a bit more like a journal. More information can be found in my first thread where a number of issues began.
    [Register to see the link]

    The past three years since my Dad passed away have been hard, not helped by the codependency of the relationship I went through shortly at the end of 2017 (see above). Dwelling on her for so long has not been healthy, and it's only thanks to this site and my counsellor that I think I can say, I'm finally moving on.

    After putting four stone on last year, I'm now finally losing it again....down a stone and half as of this morning. I've been big most of my life and I've lacked confidence/self loathed terribly. I've been infatuated with many a girl through my teens, but all I ever did was tell my friends, they would tell her friends.....and I'd never talk to them.

    My first proper relationship was when I was 19 with a girl I met on a music course (I play viola). In fairness she wasn't a nice person, and tried to change me....and in truth I wasn't that in to her. I liked girls at music college, but they came to nothing as I'd never talked to them. I moved back home with my late dad and the weight ballooned over the years. With my Dad around I had the companion and best friend I wanted, and the thought of ever being romantically involved with anyone, essentially disappeared. This changed when he died in August 2017 after two years with a lung condition. A month later I decided to start online dating......and the rest is history as I embarked an unhealthy relationship with someone who wasn't right for me, but by being codependent....I got my fingers burnt (I refer you to the thread linked at the top).

    So here we are 3 years on.......and I'm rebuilding myself. No more hiding away..... I'm 35 and time is going to pass me by if I continue to live this sheltered life. I've become somewhat isolated and cut myself off over the past few years. I'm losing weight, and working on my confidence and becoming the guy I always wanted to be.

    If you'd like to join me on my journey, you'd be more than welcome.

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    Silver Member Dalesboy's Avatar
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    Dalesboy's Journal - Becoming the man I've always wanted to be

    So the latest this week.
    Weight's coming off, low confidence thoughts are in check and...someone has caught my eye.

    New teacher at a school I'm at. I've not met her yet, but her picture was posted online through the school. As it's music related I wondered if we had any mutual friends on FB, seen as we both studied at the same music college. She's quite the natural beauty, girl next door look.......her profile pic is lovely (little make up) very natural.

    Now before you all roll your eyes, I'm keeping this in perspective. I've never met the women yet, she may/most likely be in a relationship. I have sent her an email just saying hi and welcome to the school 'I'm Tom' etc. That was yesterday and she's never replied, so nothing may come and depending on days I'm in, might not meet her (I only have an hours teaching at this school).

    I'm happy though, because its the first time I've seen a photo of someone and thought 'They are cute' since my last relationship just under three years ago.

    I know as I venture out into the big world of properly engaging with women, I'm going to need all the advice I can get from you guys. I wear my heart on my sleeve, easily become infatuated (well I use to). I seem to have a type (girl next door) I go for, and maybe I should broaden my horizons. I often think I look on romance too much like a Disney film.

    Enough ramblings for now.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Glad you're feeling happy and motivated lately. Whether she replies or not that's part and parcel of it. That you're putting yourself out there again is wonderful. She is a colleague so best to be cautious overall.

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    Silver Member Dalesboy's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    She is a colleague so best to be cautious overall.
    Very true and I am keeping that in mind. At the moment my pupil numbers are low but if they increased there, I'd be teaching far more frequent.

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    Silver Member Dalesboy's Avatar
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    Heading off for the night. Few things mulling over in my head this evening. My lack of experience with women and the dating scene (been on two dates in the last 6 months, first wasnít going to work, second maybe keeping in touch on a friends basis).

    With increasing lockdown risks approaching, I have to focus on healing myself and see what 2021 brings. I am looking at coming off dating sites, I find it a bit too pressuring.

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    Silver Member Dalesboy's Avatar
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    Not feeling great today if Iím completely honest.

    My counsellor has had to cancel tonight as she is unwell, which I can sympathise with, but with my mother up at the and the emotional baggage that brings, tonightís session would have been useful.

    Iíve realised that a lot of my positive speak recently was clearly only skin deep, it hasnít taken much to knock me back.

    Weatherís awful and the temperatures dropped.

    The one positive right now....my lovely border collie is waiting for me when I get home.

  8. #7
    Silver Member Dalesboy's Avatar
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    and I'm home.... and one delightful border collie gave me the biggest hug in the world!

    [Register to see the link]

    Things have improved today, and I'm feeling a lot better. There is some good news, I've possibly three new pupils starting at one of my schools which really is great. I also did a demonstration on the violin to a room full of 6 year olds! Did the old classics 'A Whole New World from Aladdin', 'Harry Potter' and 'Star Wars'. It became became interesting when they started requesting themes and I had to think on my feet!


    One day when I write a book on life as a peripatetic music teacher, this surely has to be in there....
    8 year old pupil at the end of their lesson

    Me: Right, that's me finished for today, I'll hopefully be home before 5.
    Pupil: Are you married?
    Me: Er......nope.
    Pupil: Awwww
    Me: So anyway, if you want to put your things away...
    Pupil: Are you dating?


    I would never have dared say that to a teacher!

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    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    I love that dog, Dalesboy.

    Sounds like a fun day for you in class. Children are the best. The things they come out with!

  10. #9
    Silver Member Dalesboy's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by LaHermes
    I love that dog, Dalesboy.
    She is adorable (if not a madam sometimes) 100% my best friend. I feel sorry for her tonight, it's still raining and we'd normally do a little hike on an evening.......

    Originally Posted by LaHermes
    Sounds like a fun day for you in class. Children are the best. The things they come out with!
    I didn't know where to look and could feel myself blushing!

    Think I'm going to battle the rain with the dog, she has been at home all day. Can't let her down, plus getting out in the outdoors will do me good :)

  11. #10
    Silver Member Dalesboy's Avatar
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    Well, we have a rather damp dog who is now warming herself in front of the fire, and rather damp owner! It was worth it though, love watching her running around with not a care in the world. Life would be so much simpler to be a dog.

    Time for some Netflix and then bed in an hour or so as I'm up at 5.45 (leave the house at 6.30).

    Something lighthearted to finish on. My cold (not covid) is about passed and I've been using albas oil to help clear my nose. As I had two face masks in the car, I thought it a clever idea to dribble some albas oil on the inside of my facemask.

    It was approximately 2 seconds after applying my face mask I realised the error of my ways. I can only describe the feeling as akin to having your airways and eyes set alight.

    Lesson learnt....and thankfully I had a second mask.

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