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Thread: I need help getting over this.

  1. #1

    I need help getting over this.

    I'll try to make this short.
    My girlfriend and I met about 3 years ago, I pursued her first and she turned me down. We met at work so we saw eachother a lot, about a year after this she told me she liked me but wasnt sure if it would work. I was infatuated so i tried my best to win her over. At this time I made friends with a girl who liked me but was respectful when I turned her down, we became bestfriends fast. After a year of waiting for my gf she finally decided to date me, we could never hangout because of her religion, we are both religious but she wanted a chaperone and we didnt really have mutual friends so we saw eachother at work only really, even when we started dating officially, it was rare and it was usually just going for a drive i felt disconnected. Meanwhile my bestfriend I mentioned hung out all the time, got on well etc. We stopped hanging out when my gf and i went official but still talked a lot online. I realized i developed feelings for my friend once we stopped hanging out and things got rockier with my gf and i will take blame as I was comparing things, the arguments weren't invalid just mainly sprouted due to me feeling neglected as well as we had differences, and theses feelings for friend. I shouldn't have got so close to my friend I see that now, but I ended the relationship with my gf and confessed my feelings to my friend. We had a thing but it felt kinda wrong initially then felt more right then wrong again so I end3d it as i couldn't see it going anywhere and I realized i still loved my ex a lot. I took time to sort out my feelings and my ex and i reconciled. I basically left her for this friend, because she showed me how bad relationship was really i think but still wrong of me.... gf has forgiven me and i cut this friend off, we now spend more time together, not awkward etc but I am so guilty. Do I deserve her or should I let her be free? How do I accept her forgiveness.. this is killing me.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Unfortunately you and your gf are incompatible on many levels. Culturally, religiously,etc. It would be best to sort yourself out rather than bounce around these female friends and women who can not "date" (or have sex) due to cultural standards.
    Originally Posted by CyberQuinn
    I realized i developed feelings for my friend once we stopped hanging out and things got rockier with my gf
    I ended the relationship with my gf and confessed my feelings to my friend.
    I realized i still loved my ex a lot. I took time to sort out my feelings and my ex and i reconciled.

  3. #3
    Sex really doesn't matter to me - I wouldn't say my gf are that different, its been about a year apart and we have changed a lot. We are both religious just she is much more devoted, id like to reach a point too where I am.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    Do you want a gf that you have to convince her to like you or do you want a gf that is thrilled to be with you?

    Chasing after her, getting turned down and then when you got on with your life she threw you a crumb and then made you "win her over"??? Relationships need to be as equal as possible and yours is about as out of whack as it could be.

    You seem more like a pet to her than the guy she is in love with.

    Regardless of the breakup or problems I think you can do way better. Just being infatuated with someone is not enough and the infatuation ALWAYS fades and then what do you have?

    This could be a blessing in disguise.

    Lost

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    If you have a religious leader or someone you trust whom you can confide in, you should talk to someone. That bitterness or lack of forgiveness in your actions will continue eating you up. I think the issue is you and the way you feel about yourself.

    Do you think you suffer from low self-esteem? I ask because a confident man doesn't lead two women on at the same time. You were looking for validation for something broken in you already (pre-existing before you started dating at all) and that's something you should provide for yourself - it comes from no relationship at all.

    If you're not ready to date anyone, don't date. You'll run into the same issues over and over if you can't fix yourself or experience your own wholeness and acknowledge that you are well-adjusted and confident in who you are. If you were in the first place you wouldn't have found attentions of another woman so intoxicating.

    End the relationship to work on your self-esteem or yourself or speak with a trusted leader or someone you trust in your community about your issues of self-worth. You can also look for resources or ask your doctor's office for resources on therapy.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    She is not your religious teacher/leader. Are either of you scheduled for an arranged marriage? Are you in a culture where dating is prohibited and meeting people is for the purposes of marriage?
    Originally Posted by CyberQuinn
    We are both religious just she is much more devoted, id like to reach a point too where I am.

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by CyberQuinn
    I am so guilty. Do I deserve her or should I let her be free? How do I accept her forgiveness.. this is killing me.
    I have to wonder if your feeling stem less from guilt and more from genuine reluctance to commit yourself to your girlfriend.

    Are you sure it's the relationship you really want?

  9. #8
    Platinum Member SooSad33's Avatar
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    So, you waited.. and waited.. for so long :/.. But did not know IF you went beyond friendship with this gal, you would not be able to truly get beyond a chaperone?

    We stopped hanging out when my gf and i went official but still talked a lot online.
    - Not sure why? YOu are 'friends'.. having a gf, should not stop you from being with your friends.

    IMO... Is never a good idea to 'get involved with Friends'... Big regrets later :/. Ruins friendships most of the time,
    Is a risk you take in this.


    we are both religious but she wanted a chaperone and we didnt really have mutual friends so we saw eachother at work only really, even when we started dating officially, it was rare and it was usually just going for a drive i felt disconnected.
    - Okay.. so, are YOU okay with this now?


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