Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 25

Thread: Help me...my boyfriend moved out

  1. #1
    Member Findingnemo94's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Posts
    87

    Help me...my boyfriend moved out

    Hi everyone. I posted on here recently...about my boyfriend being so moody that it is very upsetting. We have lived together for about almost two years now...

    However, the other night we had a small minor argument as he said he was going through problems and he didnt know what they were and that he feels like he is overwhelmed with everything. I tried to be supportive and offered to talk through his issues with him however he got rude and snappy and shouted at me that he didn't know what was wrong and that it could be more than his issues and it could be the relationship or me.

    I then asked him well is it the relationship, do you think you need space?

    He informed me he think he does and then he abruptly got his stuff and left.

    I thought he was joking however the next day I rang him and he informed me he had got a bedroom in a shared house in a city 1 hour away near to his work. I was so shocked and hurt by this as he has never wished to be away from me before.

    My boyfriend also proceeded to tell me he wants his own space, and that he does not want to speak to me much, only when he feels like it and also that he only wants to see me when he feels like it. However, he wants to stay together, he loves me and wants to work on our relationship with a councillor which he has booked for next week.

    He also said while I'm studying for my final medical exams I have become selfish and it's pushed him away. He also decided to leave 4 days before a final medical examination on Tuesday which can make or break my career which I feel like was a very selfish move on his part and very very hurtful.

    He also has started seeing a councellor a lot recently who I believe may be maniuplating him as he chose to leave overnight and won't speak to me and has set me on every strict boundaries of when I can speak to him. It's almost like emotional abuse and I am so upset and hurting I can't even begin to explain it. What is going on, is he coming back? He tells me he loves me, and wants to stay together and he doesn't want to break up with me BUT he says he can't live with me or see me and wants space. Which I understand - he is allowed space. The way it was executed was just so harsh and painful.

    Thank you

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    52,139
    I am so very sorry you are going through this. Please don't give him the privilege of interacting with you at his convenience. I wouldn't see a counselor with him unless his intention is to be in an exclusive relationship where you both have a say on when and how to spend time together. Not just when he feels like it. Please.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    40,320
    Gender
    Male
    Very sorry to hear this. Don't allow him to place you in this "space" limbo. Distance yourself and focus on your profession. Turn to trusted friends and family.

    Were there issues before? Does he drink or use drug or is there someone else?
    Originally Posted by Findingnemo94
    It's almost like emotional abuse and I am so upset and hurting I can't even begin to explain it.

  4. #4
    Member rensilaer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2020
    Posts
    8
    I am so sorry this is happening to you. This seems like a very unfortunate power play on his part where he very clearly is communicating that he doesn't want to be with you right now, but he also doesn't want you to be with anyone else until he fully decides whether he wants to stay or leave. This is beyond selfish, controlling and unfair. Also, this isn't just some spur of the moment thing. He's clearly been planning this because no one gets a shared one-bedroom the very next day after a fight. He would have had to have been searching for this place for weeks, and then he just unloaded on you to set the stage for him to leave for this new place.

    If I were you, I would give him all the space he says he wants, and more. You deserve better than to have your heart played with like this. I hope this helps.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member SooSad33's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    6,905
    He also has started seeing a councellor a lot recently who I believe may be maniuplating him as he chose to leave overnight and won't speak to me and has set me on every strict boundaries of when I can speak to him.
    Sorry you are hurting so much.. it does hurt :(

    But often, when they 'act' it was often plenty planned out. I do not believe his counsellor was the one - or manipulated anything between you & him.

    If he has asked for some space, give it to him.. don;'t push him further away.
    And if he said he is still into working things out with you, that is a good thing.. Maybe he just feels too pressured etc living there.

    You are in such pains.. been there :(. But nothing you can do, but work on accepting the situation now.

    Hopefully he will come around and keep trying. Just remember.. respect.
    Give him time to work thru his thoughts & feelings.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    14,439
    I actually think it's good for him to take some time out to reflect on what he wants, even though I understand it's painful for you.

    This relationship has been difficult and fraught with conflict and disagreements. Maybe some time away will clarify what it is the BOTH of you want.

    I do realize this is hard for you.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    2,592
    Hmm. So he wants to only have a relationship with you based upon his terms, not yours. How generous of him.

    Tell him, "No deal and adios."

  9. #8
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Location
    Florida Panhandle
    Posts
    999
    Gender
    Female
    To me, if he really wanted to work on the relationship with you, he would do it WITH you instead of by himself.

    I think he's already checked out of your relationship and is looking to start a new life. He's throwing you a few breadcrumbs, hoping you'll stick around in case he changes his mind down the road. Don't give him that opportunity. Give him all the space he wants...like permanently, and move on.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    4,245
    Originally Posted by Findingnemo94
    he feels like he is overwhelmed with everything. I tried to be supportive and offered to talk through his issues with him
    It doesn't sound like this is about you. Give yourself a time out also, let the panic and anxiety subside a bit and all that pain. You'll have to focus on your exam. Did the exam already happen? You don't have to understand everything now but I think SarahLancaster hit the nail on the head. This person has already checked out (for his own reasons and issues).

    Figure out all the logistics and have your survival instincts kick in first and figure out the rest later. It may be months and months before you understand someone like this. I don't think this is about you.

  11. #10
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Posts
    17,182
    Gender
    Female
    I'm sorry this happened, but don't allow yourself to become the back burner girl who waits for his next command. Keep in mind that he'll treat exactly how you allow him to. He doesn't have the upper hand, you do.

    Set the bar higher, and respect yourself.

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast

Videos


Maintaining A Strong Relationship

Detaching From a Malignant Man

Divorced Parents Prefer Technology and Social Media As Communication Tool

Wedding Jitters Could Be a Predictor for a Future Divorce

Botox Fights Depression And Makes You Feel Happier

Men Are More Sensitive than Women when Having Relationship Problems
Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •