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Thread: Is it time to move on?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. Hopefully you've had a chance to see your doctor and therapist for the depression and severe anxiety. Did you move in with her family? Are both/either of you legally divorced?

    It's best to let this go. You seem to bring out the worst in each other.
    Originally Posted by Loneranger77

    I almost lost my job and sunk into depression and severe anxiety.

    her family disliked me because of how bad it looked with ex partners and how it looked like we were home wreckers, she sobbed so much.

    I let rip, I told her some home truths and was nasty about one of her sisters.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Sorry to hear this. Hopefully you've had a chance to see your doctor and therapist for the depression and severe anxiety. Did you move in with her family? Are both/either of you legally divorced?

    It's best to let this go. You seem to bring out the worst in each other.
    I did get help, it took some time but I was able to come off my medication a few months ago. I had a lot happen at once, was tough. I feel great now though! She is legally divorced, I'm not.

    She has said she doesn't like what I make her become, again she takes no responsibility and blames me. I have barely put a foot wrong for a long time and the latest blow up came from absolutely nothing.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    So my question is, is this now time to admit defeat as this is becoming a bit toxic?
    A bit toxic? The whole thing is toxic.

    How you met, getting together after failed marriages, her family doesn't like you, you and her attacking each other when things go wrong, saying the worst things you can think of.
    Problems with the sex life, problems with you judging her family and telling her so.
    Toxic, toxic, toxic.

    You two are completely wrong for each other and to be honest, both of you sound like you've got too many issues to be in any kind of healthy relationship with anyone right now.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    You're not addressing the end of your marriage if you're not getting legally divorced. It's been two years already. Was there a specific reason for the delay? Start here and then think about dating or seeing other people. You'll be surprised how quickly the clouds will part and your vision will clear. You'll make better decisions about who you want in your life if you give yourself a proper chance to start over.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    From the outside looking in, I couldn't have imagined any other outcome, because neither of you know how to be in a relationship. It's no wonder both your marriages ended. You don't enter into a close friendship with a female you share chemistry with when you're married. It doesn't matter that you didn't have sex with anyone else while married. That sort of friendship isn't good for a marriage. You both sought excitement, an emotional refuge, or whatever else you got from communicating and hanging out, instead of devoting that time to what you should have been doing--fixing your marriages or divorcing so you could be free and clear to communicate with another female. And normally after a marriage ends, it's a good long while, at least a year, before you'd be mentally and emotionally ready to be a good partner to anyone, and to choose wisely.

    Learn how to be happy solo before dating again. And in the future, place some boundaries on yourself when it comes to being in relationships. Stick to guy friends. It's a lot safer.

  7. #16
    Member rensilaer's Avatar
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    It's always difficult from the outside looking in, because what you write shows two very broken but well-meaning people sort of dumping all over each other, but that doesn't take into account all the love and joy you brought to each other. I am sorry that it's gone this way, but given what you've written, I think you both need time to sort yourselves out properly (which is even harder with 2020 being what it is). I do wish you both the best of luck, though.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by rensilaer
    It's always difficult from the outside looking in, because what you write shows two very broken but well-meaning people sort of dumping all over each other, but that doesn't take into account all the love and joy you brought to each other. I am sorry that it's gone this way, but given what you've written, I think you both need time to sort yourselves out properly (which is even harder with 2020 being what it is). I do wish you both the best of luck, though.
    We did bring a lot of joy to each other, so many happy memories. I tend to think of them when we fall out, she thinks of the bad things or goes stalking my ex wife to find more ammunition on me. Unfortunately we don't know how to deal with disagreements, I tend to get over things very quickly, hold my hands up and say sorry, she drags things on for weeks.
    As for my marriage, yes it's a shame but we are on very good terms and both been adults about it. We had 12 years together. Also part of the problem, I don't have a bad word to say about her and won't join in when she's being put down but the 'toxic one'. Jealousy issues like I referred to earlier.

  9. #18
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    Just an update, I've previously said to her that I don't like the way our story ended, being dumped by message and not even a phone call since (guess it shows her level of maturity). Yesterday she emailed and said she would like to meet to say goodbye & perhaps go for dinner, also told me how great she's doing, doesn't miss me, far more relaxed without me etc. Is this a good idea to say goodbye and have some sort of closure or is it likely to be 'look at how great I'm doing without you' and a point scoring exercise?

  10. #19
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Who needs to be dumped in person ...again?. Just say no and delete and block her.
    Originally Posted by Loneranger77
    Yesterday she emailed and said she would like to meet to say goodbye & perhaps go for dinner, also told me how great she's doing, doesn't miss me

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    No, leave it. Leave the situation the way it is. I can't imagine why someone would do that or want to have dinner with you to show you how great she's doing. If she is doing great, why flaunt it and I suspect you'd be footing her dinner bill? I think she's looking for a free meal.

    Let this be. If you want to be gracious about it, let her know it's not a good idea and you wish her the best with the future.

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