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Thread: I think my friend had made things worse and I dont know what to do

  1. #1
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    I think my friend had made things worse and I dont know what to do

    So I was recently dumped by the bf of 4 years out of the blue by text and yes I was shocked and hurt especially because I believe I deserved better. Yes this guy does have issues with relationships and his emotions and when it comes to them he is very cold and does what's best for him but of course I was very hurt by this decision. I therefore tried texting him telling him how hurt I was hoping for some sense of sorrow from him for hurting me but mostly I was ignored. I decided to try and see a few friends to talk to as this is what I've been advise to do and not turn to him. So Thursday eve I was talking to my friend and she was asking me what had happened and I just explained it to her and she was asking me how was the relationship because she said she sometimes felt he was a bit controlling and she didnt say anything as she said I wouldn't have listened as she knew how much I loved him. I told her that sometimes i didnt like it when he told me to ssh if I wanted to talk about something which he didnt. I told he he was being funny about my son when we went away which I found difficult and she asked about the sex so I told her he would only do it in the morning and only one position and never kiss me or be face to face and when I asked him once if I could go on top he said hmm you've lost a bit of.weight so ok if you want to. Well I then didnt want to. So I was just talking to her like you do about the things that I wasnt happy with. I also told her about the good things. Well she was very angry and said she felt he knew exactly what he was doing and being narcissistic and manipulative and taking advantage of me knowing how much I loved him. I did look it up and yes he did have narcissistic traits..big ego, needs to be admired by others, centre of attention etc so I felt better thinking wow I really dont want that. The next day she text me to say she had sent him a text and the text was having a big go at him calling him names and telling him what she thought he had done to me. He obviously responded to her saying its upsetting I have chosen to go down this path and if I'm saying these things he is better out of it. I wasnt happy with what she had done and didnt want her to do that but then even worse she sent the same.message to a group of our mutual friends slating him. I was distraught at her doing this as it just looks like I've been telling her awful things about him because I'm bitter scorned woman and I wasnt. I didnt want everyone to know it was just my closer friends I would tell not everyone as i feel he probably didnt deserve a public slating. He asked her to stop and said people dont always tell the truth to make me look like I'm lying. He then text me to say if I dont correct what I told her he will call the police. I explained I didnt tell her anything that wasnt true but did not want or ask her to do what she had done. He later text me again and said thanks I have never said anything bad about you and no now 60 or so people have a view. I explained again I was not happy with what she had done and that all i did was love him and even with the pain wouldnt want to hurt him but did tell him he does have a problem. He just said just go away. So I ended with another text just telling him I did not ask her to do what she did. Now I am worried that the friends that were supporting me will turn on me and think I've instigated this but I hadn't I was only talking in confidence to a mate. She maintains she was helping me as I needed it and people should know what he is like. But I feel it's not everyone's business and when people split people do talk to others but you don't expect them to do what she did. I guess I'm wondering how to deal with any aftermath. Do I just stay low for a bit hope they are ok and the majority of them will just keep out of it and forget it or will some of them think badly of me now? How should I deal with this now on top of still feel heartbroken?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You need to stop harassing, texting, getting your people to harass him, etc.

    You need to talk to a therapist. You can't continue to go around having your people posting libel. And don't blame your crazy friend. You called her and started all this.

    Stop before the police show up at your house. Stop before you get a restraining order against you

    Why bother having your friends post and text him about what a narcissistic monster he is, then claim to be heartbroken?.

    Unfortunately you sound like something out of Fatal Attraction. Get a handle on yourself.
    He then text me to say if I dont correct what I told her he will call the police.
    Last edited by Wiseman2; 09-19-2020 at 06:29 AM.

  3. #3
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    Originally Posted by What a mug
    Do I just stay low for a bit hope they are ok and the majority of them will just keep out of it and forget it or will some of them think badly of me now? How should I deal with this now on top of still feel heartbroken?
    Yes, and get some new friends. This person was not acting in your best interest by getting involved to this degree. She knew what this would do. Let her apologize to you for stirring the pot the way she did, and sharing your private life. It sounds like you are all far too involved in each other's business so it would be a good idea to start expanding your social circle to include people who are not in any way connected to your ex.

    But for what it's worth, there was nothing left to make worse between you and your ex, really. It was already over. It should have been over a long time ago.

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    Platinum Member SooSad33's Avatar
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    Whollay.. wall of words.. not easy to read :/.

    She should NOT have acted out that way! Decent friends don't.. so she over did that.
    Not sure her age- but it is really between you and him.

    As for him calling the police? For why? Is she threatening him?

    I do suggest you lay low- and let things settle, yes. They will as many don;t care enough to cause an issue like she did- she really over did that.

    Leave him be now as well... respect.

    If possible lean on some friends or family.. vent it out different ways.

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    She did this for herself despite saying it was for you. Because a friend who is a healthy stable person would have deferred to however you wanted to deal with the issue. She's not your mother calling the mother of a child who bullied her child - you are adults and you are entitled to confide in someone without fear of that person calling your ex let alone harassing him. Distance yourself and if your ex contacts you about this harassment simply -with as few words as possible -say that you had nothing to do with this, you heard that this had occurred, you are sorry he was harassed of course and you hope it never happens again.

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    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Please make paragraphs next time, that was hard to read.

    Your friend was so wrong to blast your issues around to so many others. She is not a good friend. You need to stop telling people your problems with this guy and you need to stop texting the guy. Whatever you are looking for from him isn't going to work. Leave him alone.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    I agree your friend should not have tried to "help". But at least this will push him further away. It certainly is not the best way to accomplish this but he will most likely stay away for good which is the best thing. He was awful to you.

    As for the mutual friends, I presume you are not young 20s (since you mentioned you have kids) so I don't know that you are still in the clubbing/going to bars/having parties stage. So any friends you see would likely be on more of a one on one basis. If you want to, you can tell them you did not approve of this friend going public with your personal information. And make sure you avoid trying to maintain contact with any of his friends. Stay close to those friends who are yours alone.

    And BTW, what is he going to tell the police? That you and this friend said mean things about him? Come on, the police have better things to do. Make sure you do not turn it into a police case by excessively texting him, however.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    He needs to get a restraining order against her. She is stalking and harassing him and doing so by proxy having her 'friends' stalk and harass him.

    She is also spreading libel. She's out of control for 4 yr fwb situation. She's having a meltdown because he ended things by text. Do you blame him?
    Originally Posted by SooSad33
    As for him calling the police?

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    He needs to get a restraining order against her. She is stalking and harassing him and doing so by proxy having her 'friends' stalk and harass him.

    She is also spreading libel. She's out of control for 4 yr fwb situation. She's having a meltdown because he ended things by text. Do you blame him?
    If what she said is true, it is not libel.

    This guy treated her and the kids badly, and she was only a FWB. Time for reality. The guy did not care.

    OP you choose crappy people to associate with.

    You should have BLOCKED HIM! Everyday it is another thread.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    Cherlyn gave this good advice on another of your threads.

    "And, since you share mutual friends, don't gossip nor bad mouth him. Trust no one. Keep your resentful and bitter feelings to yourself to play it safe. Don't create drama. Leave your relationship behind you. Always show class and hold your head high. You will get through this and you will handle this well."

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