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Thread: Cheating.

  1. #1

    Cheating.

    Me and my partner have never had an easy ride. There was various problems from the beginning with drug use and I found him messaging other women at the beginning of our relationship. I chose to stay and trust him. There has been more times I have seen on his phone that there is still messages for girls or online internet searches for girls to hook up with, I questioned this and was told it was his friend (his friend infact does have a track record of cheating on his partner and going to find escorts to hook up with) I believed it the first few times but this most recent time I just donít believe it so I mentioned something to his friend. His friend was acting little shocked that I had even come out with that was saying my partner was disrespectful to him, I donít know if that is because heís annoyed my partner told me what he gets up too or if it was because heís annoyed my partner would use him to get out of a situation.. Iím still going on and on about this for 2/3 weeks I just want to know the truth I feel so crazy because itís like I feel as if Iím finding more pieces to the puzzle but no admitting. I have even tried to contact the girl in question and I didnít get anywhere. I really do love this boy and I have put a lot into this relationship but I just want some advice on what to do because I really donít know. He is getting fed up with me going on about it and we are constantly fighting but itís something I cannot help itís eating me alive itís preventing me from sleeping and everything I donít know what to do. Am I just being crazy and making myself ill over nothing or is there something that I am missing?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    You can't change anything unless he's willing to change.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Unfortunately you are in love with the idea of a relationship/bf. Sadly what you have is an irresponsible, disrespectful person incapable of intimacy and truth.
    Originally Posted by Chelsee1810
    I have put a lot into this relationship

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Chelsee1810
    I just want to know the truth I feel so crazy because itís like I feel as if Iím finding more pieces to the puzzle but no admitting.
    The ironic thing is that you aren't admitting to what's going on either. He's clearly cheating on you, and you're being a sucker!!

    Why would you choose to ignore hook-up messages that are on his phone? Do you lend your phone out to your friends like this?

    Originally Posted by Chelsee1810
    Am I just being crazy and making myself ill over nothing or is there something that I am missing?
    Yes, you're being crazy: He's cheating and you refuse to admit it despite very strong evidence.

    Yes, you're missing something: The Truth!!

    Come on, open your eyes before you get even more hurt.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    You do realize those words -
    'I give up. You are right. I am a drug addict, liar and cheater who routinely seeks out prostitutes' are never going to come out of his mouth.
    Liars get so deeply invested into their own lies, that can't give up. It's pretty desperate when he says it's his friend using his phone. It's even more desperate that you try to wrap your head around believing that.
    The longer you deny what that god given intuition is telling you, the crazier you will feel.
    The longer you stay in this mess, you are teaching him that all this is ok and don't value yourself and lack self respect. At some point this liar will stop respecting you. By his actions, it looks like that's already so.

    He may be drug addict, but he might very well be sex addict too. He just switched up what he medicates himself with.
    Get an STD test and get rid of this guy before it's too late.

  7. #6
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    Originally Posted by Chelsee1810
    I really do love this boy and I have put a lot into this relationship
    Well, that was a big mistake because he sure doesn't love you, Chelsee.

    Staying with a guy you know you cannot trust is nobody's fault but yours, unfortunately. It's not you fault he cheats, but you need to take accountability for your own poor decisions to stick around.

    Take your power back and kick him to the curb. It's only a matter of time until he wanders off anyway.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    OP, I doubt you are going to come back but you are in a relationship with a lying, drug using cheater.

    He wont' stop because why should he? He gets you and all these other women too and you just stay and take it. I bet you even tell him you love him! Win-win for him. Unfortunately, lose-lose for you.

    Google "sunk cost fallacy". You don't have to sentence yourself to a lifetime with a lying, drug using cheater just because you've chosen to stick with him for however long.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    You have to get out. If you were vulnerable at any point and believed his lies, it's time to look within and heal and recover from everything. This person isn't treating you well and continuing to ignore what's in front of you or expecting a dishonest person to be honest isn't very reasonable or realistic. I'm sorry all this is happening. Take a time out and don't talk to him anymore for the next few days. Withdraw and be with yourself for awhile. Sometimes it takes time to realize what's in front of our very noses.

    Also ..a word of caution about friends.. they aren't family so a person gets to choose their lot of friends. You should pay attention to whom your partner associates with. It'll give you a good idea of what that person is about too.

  10. #9
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    Why do you think so little of yourself! You have zero self worth.

    I cannot fathom staying with someone like this, after the first incident. He is the bottom of the barrel!

    Get tested for STDs! He is a liar and a cheater. He does not love or respect you. Don't you think it was time that you loved yourself!

  11. #10
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    Things can happen, so once you can forgive a person and give them the benefit of the doubt. But when it becomes a pattern, then you have a problem. He continued to do this after you told him you had a problem with it. Even if you want go with his friend doing it, why would he let his friend use the phone knowing his friend could do something like that?

    Honesty should be a part of a healthy relationship. You can't trust him to be honest. You are being hurt emotionally and physically (losing sleep) by this. It's not healthy for you to see him. There are other guys who will not make you work this hard and who be honest and respectful.

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