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Thread: He needs space - means I'm done with you?

  1. #21
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    We desire most of what we can't have.....remember not to get caught up in that cycle of dating a guy that is emotionally/physically unavailable. Investing and showing interest is a two way street.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Why do you think behaving like a doormat will make him love you?

    You know what people do with doormats? They wipe their dirty shoes on them. The do not love or respect or have relationships with them. They wipe their shoes and then they forget about them until the next time they need to wipe their dirty shoes off.

    It's really sad to read about all the things you're willing to do to try to keep this abusive loser. You're going to support him financially just so you can pretend you two are in a relationship? Paying him to be your boyfriend? Really?

    Please, for the love of everything holy, please get into therapy asap. Delete this guy's number and contact info and block him from contacting you. And attend regular therapy to find out why you dislike yourself so much. Because that's the only explanation I can think of; you dislike yourself so much that you are willing to PAY this guy to be your boyfriend despite his abuse of you. Because you don't like yourself, you don't believe anyone will truly love you.

    Please put a stop to this today.

  3. #23
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    I wish you could see how he enjoys having this power over you, as well as having you at his mercy. As to him needing "space," this appears to be just another way of keeping you on your toes. Mission accomplished!

    Keep in mind that when you constantly try to prove your worth to someone, you've already lost your value. In short, I hope you find your way.

  4. #24
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    He's probably got another woman staying with him until the 9th, or he's gone to see another woman until then.

    But really? Why he wants "space" is irrelevant in light of the seriously dysfunction, toxic dynamic you two have. This is a terribly unhealthy dead-end, OP. You need to get the heck away from this jerk and work on you, so you don't let anyone else treat you so poorly in the future.

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  6. #25

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    You my love was being used as a door mat ! he's got some issues and stated saying things to you what you can say and what you can't say controlling behaviour thats bad! and its on him not you ,but you excepted it which made his behaviour towards you worse . his interest levels for you dropped because he could not respect you because he was walking all over you hun , your better off with out him , know your worth , chances are he will contact you again if you stay in NC but I wouldn't give him the time of day !

    TopicEx

  7. #26
    Platinum Member SooSad33's Avatar
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    I have tried to rekindle things with my ex. It's been rocky to say the least. He reached out to me after being dumped by his girlfriend late Jan 2020
    - Oh, so he resorts back to an ex after last one dumps him? - Wonder why? Not.

    Could be HIS behaviour? Geeze.

    I succeeded in visiting him twice. Both times - they were rough. We had our differences. I had difficulties dealing with his hot and cold behaviours. It was really hard on me. He admitted that he was being mean to me - and felt bad about it. However, I understood that he has trust issues with me - so I tried my best to find all the patience in the world to deal with his behaviours. We even fooled around a bit.

    He has admitted that I've become a lot better in dealing with 'difficult' conversations. Whatever requests he wants - I try my best to fulfill. He says I can't say certain words to him 'ex: the words never or always' - as they are trigger words for him and he'll hang up the phone or yell at me. I correct my language around him so as to diminish his triggers and not upset him.

    - YOU have been way too patient.
    No, you do not need to 'do your best to fullfill'. This dude is toxic!

    Anyways - fast forward to now. I have the opportunity to stay with him for an extended amount of time to continue working on things = rare opportunity!
    He was open to the idea, then not, then open again -

    - No. do not go there. He is way too moody! You dont need all of this bs.
    Think of yourself here.. think of your own mentality.. His is off the wall... read all you wrote.

    Yup- be done.. Move along. No head games or disrespect.
    Be glad you see this now.

  8. #27

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    Manipulation

    Did he put all the blame on you when he ended the relationship? It sounds like it and it’s actually a manipulative coward move (called blame-shifting), that’s probably why you’re in a position where you feel like you have something to prove to him. I don’t know your story, but it does sound like this guy is a big manipulator, maybe even a narcissist (he sounds like one).

    Your best move? You ghost him. He doesn’t deserve more from you. He came back after being dumped so that *you* chase him while he should be the one working for a second chance. This guy has a major ego problem. Don’t feed his ego. Not only you give him his ‘space’, but do that forever (because he’ll come back by the way. Just to make sure you can still provide him an ego boost).

    Another best move? You talk with other guys. You don’t owe him anything after all. And he doesn’t seem to be in a rush to lock you down, so .. Well, too bad for him lol.

    Eventually, you’ll realize how fxcked up this guy is. Right now, you’re ‘under his spell’ and you don’t see it, but with time, you’ll open your eyes. He put you in a position where you feel the need to ‘deserve him’ and prove him you’re ‘good enough’, but the truth is he doesn’t even deserve you and you can do so much better. He knows it, but he manipulates you so that you don’t see it and stay around to feed his ego. Just... Ghost him. Honestly. When he reaches out, just never reply. Let him get that so valuable space he asked. And enjoy seeing how he’ll lose his mind when he realizes he doesn’t have control over you anymore ;)

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