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Thread: An update on my saga

  1. #31
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    What do you mean when you say you're "trying" not to have a sexual relationship with her?? You either have sex or you don't, there is no "try".

    I presume you mean you ARE having sex with her.

    From what you're saying you are choosing to string this woman along, presumably because you enjoy it. Perhaps you like the idea of having a woman be so into you. It's flattering to your ego.

    So don't be surprised by her behavior when you're encouraging it.
    Nope, you presume wrong. There is definitely no sexual activity, and her even mentioning it makes me feel uncomfortable.

    I don't accept the 2nd last sentence, but thank you for the input.

    Her behaviour is not normal, as she can't blame me for that. She clearly has mental health problems that relate to a time long before she met me.

  2. #32
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    The problem about not mitigating problem people like this is you start getting mixed up in their issues on top of your own personal issues. You already knew she was inappropriate, creepy and imbalanced. From what I'm reading you're suggesting or wanting to be her "friend". How does this work knowing the above?
    Yes, that's why I said I would rather keep things platonic.

    I think it is compassion and acceptance. The world would be a better place with more of that.

  3. #33
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    Eh....the words humble brag come to mind here. I rather think that the OP isn't looking for advice and certainly isn't looking to do what's right. I suspect he is trying to show off how big, important, and desirable he is that this woman is practically stalking him.

    If he had an ounce of kindness, he wouldn't act like this, let alone post about it. "Gee I'm just not convinced that kindness is right" shows a certain lack of empathy for others on the OP's part.
    Gosh, another roasting.

  4. #34
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Jas76
    Yes, that's why I said I would rather keep things platonic.

    I think it is compassion and acceptance. The world would be a better place with more of that.
    Compassion would be making it very clear to her you are not interested in a romantic relationship with her.

    Do you believe she behaves this way with her other friends?

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  6. #35
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Compassion would be making it very clear to her you are not interested in a romantic relationship with her.
    I think that my drive her to suicide, so I've tried to be as gentle with her as I can. She has already said that if it wasn't for me she would end her days (she used those words).

    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Do you believe she behaves this way with her other friends?
    She doesn't have any other friends nor family members that she is in touch with. She has fallen out with her mother and two sisters.

  7. #36
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Ok, got it. You have a kind of a hero thing going on. You are her savior. She can't possibly survive emotionally without you.

    What did she do before she met you? Obviously she was surviving. So why have you made yourself responsible for her? Does it make you feel good to believe she can't make it without you?

  8. #37
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Savoir complex makes you avoid yourself and your own problems.

  9. #38
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Ok, got it. You have a kind of a hero thing going on. You are her savior. She can't possibly survive emotionally without you.

    What did she do before she met you? Obviously she was surviving. So why have you made yourself responsible for her? Does it make you feel good to believe she can't make it without you?
    I don't think it is appropriate to try and frame all this like it is a massage of my ego or an ego trip. It's a case of compassion and emotional entanglement.

    Yes, she was surviving, but the quality of her life was very poor. People need human contact and understanding. It also might be the final straw, so to speak, for her if I completely abandon her.

  10. #39
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    Savoir complex makes you avoid yourself and your own problems.
    Possibly, but I'm not avoiding my problems. I am engaging fully with my therapist.

  11. #40
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    That's so dramatic! Final straw, abandon...this is an adult woman who is perfectly capable of dealing with her own issues.

    You are making a choice to keep her in your life. For whatever reason. It would be disingenuous for you to pretend to be surprised when there's drama.

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