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Thread: My uncle sexually abused me. What can I do in NYS?

  1. #1
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    My uncle sexually abused me. What can I do in NYS?

    So, I am now turning 23 in November 2020. My uncles sexual abuse included touching my bare skin, penetrating my vagina with his finger in one ocassion, and him touching himself in the process. I was 8 and it ended when I was 12. This was mandate reported when I was 13 to law enforcement. My mom did not allow the DA to push it because she wanted to keep the peace in the family (don't even get me started on this). My statue of limitations clock started ticking when I was 13. I do not fall under the Child Victims Act due to it not being a retro law and because my abuse had been reported. My uncle was never arrested but was questioned. In 2013 the new definition of rape is, “The penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim.” this has no statue. Is it retro though? 2013 is after the crime that took place for me. He penetrated me with his fingers. If it is retro I can bring criminal charges, but if it isn't I cannot to my knowledge. Getting Ready for a First Date

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Your mother can't decide that. You need to talk to law enforcement. It's a criminal case so you don't need a private attorney. Also "Mom" cant tell a DA not to prosecute when a mandatory report is made out so, don't waste your time on that rage. Just cut your mother and uncle out of your life.

    Hopefully you've gotten help for all the ongoing violence in your life.
    Originally Posted by Suzuki550
    My mom did not allow the DA to push it because she wanted to keep the peace in the family My uncle was never arrested but was questioned.

  3. #3
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    I am so sorry for what happened to you. I don’t know the laws of your state, ( I am not American) but I hope you have sought therapy and can find some peace. It helped me greatly.

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    You should contact law enforcement or state run office that specializes in this area.

    I am so sorry that your uncle and mother did this horrific thing to you.

    Please seek out therapy.

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    The reason the DA went with it was because my mom worded it to them as, "I do not feel she can mentally handle testifying." Her real reasoning was because she didn't want to press charges against a family member though. I wasn't allowed to tell my therapist, it came out eventually though. The first thing my mother said to me when my therapist made the call was, "I thought we said we weren't telling her that yet.". I do go to therapy. I am doing much better. I wrote a fifteen paged letter to my abuser and had the mail certified so I knew he got it and that has made me so much peace. I am just moreso wanting the justice I should have gotten and my main goal is getting him away from other children in the family and for him to no longer be a teacher for special ed children (vulnerable targets) or a baseball coach. I'm just not sure if the new definition of rape is retro or not. Most revised legal definitions or laws are not. Some are. It depends on how legislation wanted it, and I am not able to find it anywhere whether it is indeed retro or not. I am suppose to talk to a detective Friday morning. I'm just trying to see whether to get my hopes up or not because getting your hopes up just for them to be torn down due to NYS's ridiculous sexual abuse laws/statue of limitations/punishments is just as traumatizing. At this point I am more disgusted with the system than I am with my uncle. My situation isn't even the worst, incest sexual abuse is absolutely disgusting with how the law handles it. Situations that father's are raping their daughters or mother's abusing their sons are for the majority getting only probation as a punishme. Sorry, that's off topic. I'm just ranting.

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    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    I totally understand my Uncle walked out of the system as and has been abusing kids for another 40 years because of it. The legal system needs a major overhaul.

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    Platinum Member gsxr104's Avatar
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    I believe the statute of limitations for Criminal Sexual Contact, in the state of New York, is five years and that period begins when the offense stopped taking place.
    I'm surprised your mother had any control on prosecution because to my contention, it would've been in the states jurisdiction once the crime is committed. I would call your District Attorney in your county and see what kind of directive he gives you. I'm so sorry this happened to you.

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    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    You need to talk to lawyer. None of us here are qualified to answer.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    In criminal cases the complaining witness does not need a private attorney. The prosecutor handles that.

    In this particular case she wishes to reopen an investigation from 10 years ago.
    Originally Posted by melancholy123
    You need to talk to lawyer. None of us here are qualified to answer.

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    Yes, precisely. I was hoping by some random miracle there'd be someone with knowledge of this particular law that would read this. Incase any other fellow victims are reading this, I want to point out I have mostly healed. The biggest things that helped me were writing him the certified letter (do not threaten in the letter if you write one) and I work with extremely mentally ill children/teens. majority of them have attempted to kill people, have arson charges at the age of 10, have attempted/fantasize/successfully sexually assaulted people. Majority of these kids went through EXTREME DISGUSTING trauma that I never even knew existed. This brings me peace because I am helping children who went through what I did and helping children with intent to become sexual predators/are already predators to either get treatment or to be moved to a place that will keep others safe from being their victims if treatment is not a option for that particular child. I actually considered getting a job in a sex offender building as well. Because I would be helping prevent abuse from happening. It may sound backwards for me to enjoy working in these settings, but it has helped tremendously to feel that I am somehow indirectly helping, as well as because sexual abuse was normalized to me, the things I hear and read from the particular ones that have that desire to cause sexual harm, does not at all shock me or change my facial expression. It works for me, I just thought I would share.


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