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Thread: Getting fed up

  1. #1
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    Getting fed up

    Hi guys...not used this for a long long while.

    But I think I'm just not getting something.

    Met a woman on an App. Chatted for just under a week. We discovered we had so much in common. I'm a teacher, she's a paediatric nurse. I have an 8 year old kid, she has a 7 year old. But also our whole attitudes to life seemed to match on our attitudes to enjoying ourselves, risk taking, humour etc. On paper at least I have not found someone to have so much in common ever and I'm 42. She is 37.
    We laughed and joked and flirted. We agreed to meet up on the Saturday for drinks. By that point we had already joked that she would be coming back to my place after the date.
    She said she didn't like one night stands and was even worried she'd stay single and on her own.

    So we went on the date and had a great time. We talked no end, got fairly drunk but not so we were falling over blind drunk...we were still in control.
    We kissed and we did indeed go back to mine. We did have sex. In the morning she held my hand and cuddled in the bed, and she initiated morning sex. She didn't rush off home and only left because she had to collect her child. The only thing I found strange was I actually found out that she had bought a spare set of clothes in case she did come back to mine.

    I walked her to the station a few minutes walk from mine and had a kiss goodbye.

    We then texted and joked, flirted and I teased her for the next couple of days.

    And then this morning she text, really sorry to write you this but I've been thinking a lot, I had a really good time on our date, I am a lovely guy...but I didn't feel enough spark!!!

    I mean this woman might well be lost to me and that is disappointing considering how much we both agreed we had in common. But that's just life.

    But I cannot for the life of me figure out how there was not enough spark. Yes she can blame the drink for coming back with me and having sex at night. But she held my hand in the morning and initiated sex in the morning when obviously we were no longer drunk and came for a cuddle.

    I find it hard to believe at 37 years old she was just after fun and having sex when she specifically said that is not what she was after.

    I mean I could have been a bit too keen afterwards by texting her a while after she left. But she replied well enough and quickly enough to all my texts.

    Really though....even if this one is gone....I don't wanna make whatever mistakes I make again because it's annoying. I'm bored of dating...I only agree to go on a date rarely and only if I think theres a spark beforehand. I want a relationship, not to go on dates and not even get a second one when the first went so well.

    So just looking for any ideas??

    Am I missing something here.

    Thanks guys Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #2
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Had the two of you not had sex and just kept it a friendly date, would it make a difference?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    This happens a lot I'm afraid... people get caught up in the moment and realize after some reflection that they just aren't "feeling it". In today's dating world, people are a lot more choosy when it comes to settling down because there is so much more available out there.

    I wouldn't take it personally as this will happen a lot... both for you and for the people you date. Just be patient and don't settle knowing that your person is out there when the time is right.

  4. #4
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    Many people decide not to go on a second date, sex or no. She probably felt more of a spark after she chose to get drunk. Nothing to do with her age- my sense is she has done this before -met a guy, chosen to get drunk so she can blame having a one night stand on the alcohol and had her fun.

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  6. #5
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    No idea. Just baffles me that she said there wasn't enough spark, but there seems there was enough spark to have sex. I would have thought there would have been enough to at least have a second date.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Sorry about all this.

    In terms of thoughts on the overall situation? Look, the fact of the matter here is that you went on one date—just one—after which she decided there wasn't enough there to keep exploring. That is, all in all, the norm in the dating, the most common outcome. We meet someone once, maybe three times, do whatever we do, then part ways. Maybe we're the one who opts out, maybe they are. Very rare that people click hard enough to go even a few months, let alone to get into a relationship.

    Guess what I'm trying to say is that I think you'd benefit from getting your expectations in check. The impression I get here is that you went into this first date thinking you'd met your future partner, with those thoughts confirmed, for you, through having sex. Just doesn't work that way.

    With that in mind, maybe it would be wise to not turn things so sexual so quickly? To not turn the pre-date chitchat into saucy talk, to not steer early dates toward booze and bedrooms? Gives a bit more space for you to get to know a person, and vise versa, while limiting the sting when things don't go your way after a date or two, be it another instance where someone isn't feeling the spark or one where you're the one craving a bit more kindling than someone is offering.

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by teach
    No idea. Just baffles me that she said there wasn't enough spark, but there seems there was enough spark to have sex. I would have thought there would have been enough to at least have a second date.
    She felt horny at the moment but isn't interested in spending more time with you. I'm sorry.

  9. #8
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    I could agree if it wasn't for the fact she initiated sex in the morning when we wasn't drunk.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by teach
    I could agree if it wasn't for the fact she initiated sex in the morning when we wasn't drunk.
    I understand -she is a person who does what she feels like doing in the moment. She felt like having sex again- maybe she wanted to confirm for herself whether she felt enough.

  11. #10
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    Thanks, I did think that, but I thought the flirting and the sex chat does initiate the spark. Besides it was her who brought the sex chat up in the first place!

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